How was I to know?
Not being allowed to follow Kelly Slater across various social medias has finally but finally sunk its pearly white fangs into my bottom. When the 11x World Champion originally blocked me, BeachGrit, Derek, my wife etc. on Instagram, Facebook etc. some time ago, I initially thought “Ha! I don’t need to follow you to see what’s going on. I got friends, man. Friends who screenshot. Friends who email. Following is so 2012.
And I would get those screenshots and I would feel that I was up to date on Slater’s various musings and goings about.
Alas, it appears I was only being served a portion of the pie, a little bite size of reality, for the truth has revealed that not only is the world’s oldest Pipeline Pro, he is also 2022’s top surf influencer.
According to important social media ranking site Starngage, which “tracks a total of 830 influencers in the United States with between 1000 and 10 million followers,” Slater came out on top.
Once an 11x champion, always a champion.
Nipping at his heels, in second was Bethany Hamilton followed by Alana Blanchard and then the business goes fuzzy, asking for a sign up to “view the full list.” Since the Indian flag hovers proudly on the banner of the site, I declined.
Oh, I have nothing at all against India. I once flew to Bombay with my best friend in order to search for the headwaters of radical Islamic fundamentalism. The journey was going to be filmed and sold to television but we quickly realized the budget had been compromised so tried to buy a monkey, in order to give him or her freedom in a famous monkey temple in Pakistan, but buying monkeys had been made illegal and the monkey black market was full of crooks and charlatans.
After that things got better. We ditched the film crew in Delhi by sending them to the Taj Mahal while we raced to the train station and booked tickets to the farthest hill station possible then railed to Calcutta and toasted the future.
India is fantastic.
Heading back soon, with Derek, to deal with another crook-ish charlatan-esque website that is not involved in influencer rankings but will certainly steal this story.