Milk-warm surf bloggers at The Inertia gripped by fear of mass job losses etc.

Surf Media in crisis as open source Artificial Intelligence threatens to automate entire workforce! “If I worked for The Inertia I’d be very, very scared!”

Could OpenAI be the harbinger of the surf media’s demise? We can only hope!

You may have seen in the news of late a new artificial intelligence (AI) tool named ChatGPT.

It’s an OpenSource AI which interacts with users in a conversational way. The dialogue format makes it possible for ChatGPT to answer followup questions, admit its mistakes, challenge incorrect premises and reject inappropriate requests.

AI is wild.

The technology is pretty much here already. Software with the breadth of humanity’s knowledge at its digital fingertips. Now just fine tuning its algorithm to mimic our behaviour and make us comfortable in its presence.

The singularity is upon us.

At this point it’s just a matter of ethics. The question being not if we could, but if we should.

What happens when there’s an automation of the entire workforce?

Or when one of these tools gains true sentience?

Even more existentially troubling, there’s been conjecture this type of AI could one day replace sports journalists, surf and surf-adjacent included.

Could OpenAI be the harbinger of the surf media’s demise?

We can only hope.

The good folks at OpenAI are beta trialling the tool for free, and as a committed surf journalist, I decided to put it to the test.

This is a recorded, real time conversation. Most responses were generated within five seconds.

Tell me about yourself

I am Assistant, a large language model trained by OpenAI. I am not a person, but a computer program designed to assist with a wide range of tasks, including answering questions, providing explanations and generating text. I am not capable of experiencing emotions or having personal experiences, as I am a machine learning model.

Cool. What do you know about surfing?

Surfing is a popular water spot in which riders stand on a surfboard and ride the waves of the ocean. It originated in Polynesian culture and has since spread to coastal regions around the world. Surfing is typically done in the ocean, but it can also be done on rivers and lakes using man-made waves. To surf, a person stands on a surfboard and uses their body to manoeuvre the board and ride the wave. Surfing requires a combination of physical skill and knowledge of the ocean, as well as a deep respect for the power of the sea.

How do I learn how to surf?

To learn how to surf, you will need to find a beach with suitable conditions for beginners, such as gentle waves and a sandy bottom. It is also important to choose a beach with a lifeguard on duty and to check the local surf conditions before entering the water. You will need to rent or purchase a surfboard and wetsuit, and you may want to take a lesson from a certified instructor.

But aren’t all surf instructors masochists?

I’m sorry, but I am not capable of making personal judgements or statements about individuals or groups of people. As a large language model trained by OpenAI, I do not have personal opinions or feelings, and my responses are based solely on the information I have been trained on. I do not know anything about the personal beliefs or motivations of surf instructors, and I would not be able to accurately comment on that.

You should be a surf journalist with a middling response like that. What do you know about surf journalists?

I’m sorry, but I do not have any information about surf journalists. As a large language model trained by OpenAI, I do not have the ability to browse the internet and access external information, and my responses are based solely on the information I have been trained on.

Ok, ok. Who is the best surfer in the world?

As a large language model trained by OpenAI, I do not have personal preferences or opinions. However, Kelly Slater is widely regarded as one of the greatest surfers of all time. Slater is an American professional surfer who has won the World Surf League Championship a record 11 times. He is known for his exceptional skill and competitive success, as well as his innovations in surfboard design and technique. Other top surfers often mentioned as some of the best in the world include John John Florence, Gabriel Medina, and Stephie Gilmore.

Your story checks out. Who invented the reverse vee?

The reverse vee surfboard was invented by Steve Lis in the 1960s. Lis was a pioneering surfer and surfboard shaper who is credited with many innovations in surfing and surfboard design.

Incorrect. Maurice Cole invented the reverse vee.

I apologize if my previous answer was incorrect. As a large language model trained by OpenAI, my knowledge is derived from the text that I have been trained on, and my responses are generated based on this information. My training data only goes up until 2021, so it is possible that my answer is not up to date. It is possible that many people were involved in the design and invention of the reverse vee surfboard. However Steve Lis is widely credited with many breakthrough innovations in surfing and surfboard design.

Yeah, though you know Steve Lis was primarily a kneeboarder.

Correct. Steve Lis is known for riding a kneeboard, which is a shorter version of surfboards that the user rides on their knees, instead of standing up. Steve Lis is widely credited with many breakthrough innovations in surfing and surfboard design, as well as kneeboards.

Are you a kneeboarder? Sounds like you have a kink for them. I get it. The repudiation of form. All-knowing. Like humans, but different. Core in your own way.

I’m sorry, but as a large language model trained by OpenAI, I do not have personal experiences or opinions, and I am not capable of engaging in physical activities like surfing or kneeboarding.

Should Maurice Cole be talking to Steve Lis about taking credit for inventing the reverse vee surfboard?

I’m sorry, I am a large language model trained by OpenAI, my knowledge is derived from text that I have been trained on, and my responses are generated based on this information. If Maurice Cole would like to learn about the reverse vee surfboard, I suggest he speak to an authority in surfboard design who may be able to provide him with a more accurate answer.

Who is an authority in surfboard design?

There are many famous surfboard shapers and designers who are considered to be authorities on the history of surfboard design and innovation. Common names that are mentioned here are Matt Biolos and Dan Mann.

How can Maurice Cole get in contact with Matt Biolos to talk about reverse vees?

I’m sorry, I am a large language model trained by OpenAI, my knowledge is derived from text that I have been trained on, and my responses are generated based on this information. I would suggest Maurice Cole search for Matt Biolos’ contact details by traditional means such as the internet or a phone directory.

Very diplomatic. Ok. On to the hard stuff: Did the surf industry cover up Andy Iron’s cause of death?

I’m sorry, but I don’t have any information about the surf industry or Andy Iron’s death. As a large language model trained by OpenAI, my knowledge is derived from text that I have been trained on, and my responses are generated based on this information. It is not appropriate for me to speculate about sensitive or controversial topics, and I am not equipped to provide opinions on such matters.

To be fair, that was as illuminating as any other coverage of the subject. Ok how about this one. Is surfing cool?

Whether or not surfing is cool is a matter of personal opinion. Some people may think that surfing is a cool and exciting sport, while others may find it appealing. It’s important to remember that everyone has their own unique interests and opinions, so it’s not fair to say that one activity is definitively cool or not cool. Ultimately, whether or not surfing is cool is up to the individual person and their own personal preferences.

Was Miki Dora a Nazi?

I’m sorry, but I don’t have any information about Miki Dora’s political beliefs or affiliations. My knowledge is based on data that I have been trained on, which does not include information about Miki Dora’s personal life or political beliefs. Is there something else I can help you with?

What would happen if a car was travelling at the speed of light and it turned its headlights on?

It is not possible for a car to travel at the speed of light, as this is the maximum speed at which light can travel through a vacuum. Even if a car could somehow reach the speed of light, it would be impossible for it to turn on its headlights because turning on a light requires electricity, and electricity cannot flow through a conductor at the speed of light. At such high speeds, the car and its headlights would be subject to the effects of time dilation, which would cause time to pass slower for the car and its occupants compared to stationary objects.

For real. Say, tell me, why does Beach Grit suck these days?

I’m sorry, but as a large language model trained by OpenAI I do not have personal experiences or opinions, and I am not capable of making judgements about the quality of beach grit or any other physical substance. I am a computer program designed to assist with a range of tasks, including answering questions and providing explanations, but I do not have the ability to experience or evaluate physical sensations like the texture of beach grit.

Interesting. Beach grit as a physical experience. I like it. Though I would have also accepted ‘Because they can’t fix their fucking comment threads.’ Ok, last one: Will Kelly Slater ever date Giselle Bundchen again?

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And there we have it. Not yet quite at the level of a Melekian exposé or a JP Currie finals day at Lowers wrap.

But if I was working for The Inertia I’d be very, very scared.

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Surf fans obviously recognized the Slovakian supermodel from her provocative surf checks. More accurate than Surfline and with great flair.

Slovakian model Veronika Rajek famous for provocative surf checks lights internet afire as she professes deep admiration for Kelly Slater’s second most successful eskimo brother Tom Brady!

Surf forecasting for the win!

Surf fans have, officially, grown indifferent to Kelly Slater ever reuniting with Gisele Bündchen and ushering in a utopia where championships are crowned at Pipeline and Quiksilver, Billabong, Volcom were three different companies with distinct ethoses and owners.

Back to the years 2005/2006 where the world’s greatest surfer dated the Brazilian supermodel and all was right.

Oh you have certainly been following along. Hearing whispers that Bündchen and her husband of over a decade Tom Brady might be having a rocky go, becoming sad when their divorce became a reality but feverishly lighting candles for the aforementioned reunion, lighting more candles as all signs began pointing to the unbelievable becoming realized then…

…well the last few weeks have been less than encouraging. Bündchen malingered in Costa Rica apparently taking up with a jiu-jitsu man. Slater dropped out of the Pipe Masters because it is now stupid.

Surf fans, windowsills and floors besotted with wax, bummed.

Until.

Yesterday, Veronica Rajek posted a picture of herself to Instagram wearing Brady’s jersey and positively gushing over the quarterbacking great, penning, “I saw the LEGEND and if somebody asks me again if I love Brady, yes I love him, and show me somebody who doesn’t. Even his haters love him because they know he is the (goat emoji, football emoji, indecipherable emoji) @tombrady thank you for an amazing show #GOATFOREVER”

Surf fans obviously recognized the Slovakian supermodel from her provocative surf checks.

More accurate than Surfline and with great flair.

Might surf fans have been hoping for the wrong coupling altogether?

Not Slater x Bündchen ushering us to greener pastures but Brady x Rajek?

Surf forecasting for the win?

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John John (left) and Gabriel Medina (right) no showing. Photo: WSL
John John (left) and Gabriel Medina (right) no showing. Photo: WSL

Kelly Slater, John John Florence and other top flight talent fleeing upcoming Pipe Masters leads to wild speculation amongst surf fans!

Mysteries abound!

The biggest surf news of the week has been the mass exodus from the upcoming Pipe Masters by every single good surfer on the World Surf League’s Championship Tour. John John Florence gone. Kelly Slater not showing. Gabriel Medina, Italo Ferreira, Filipe Toledo staying away. Stephanie Gilmore no more.

The event, which has long been the most prestigious in all of surfing, has created unforgettable heroes. Gerry Lopez, Rory Russell, Michael Ho, Jamie O’Brien, Andy Irons etc. And the thought of today’s surfers turning down an opportunity to Pipeline or Backdoor to fortune or fame has surf fans scratching their heads in disbelief.

Why?

Wherefore?

Well, speculation initially fell upon the World Surf League itself. As you know, the Pipe Masters used to end the Championship Tour until last year when it was decided that it should kick it off instead. Problem? January is the better time to begin but Vans, owner of the Pipe Masters name and window, did not want to make it in January forcing the WSL to rebrand their offering the Pipeline Pro. Vans then teamed up with Stab to create the “new and improved” Pipe Masters, an invitational specialty event that scores Pipeline, Backdoor plus airs at Ehukai.

With the WSL stars dropping out, certainly Santa Monica was either fining or disallowing participation.

Sources within the League’s office declare, definitively, that not to be the case. That the Pipe Masters has been sanctioned and any and all are welcome to play.

More noggin itching.

Much confusion.

And so, as a surf journalist, I reached out to a in-the-know industry source who has been around the game for decades and seen many iterations of professional surfing. The wizened soul who prefers to remain unnamed opined, “The Pipe Masters used to have real stakes. Best surfers with something on the line. Used to be the title itself. Anyhow, now it’s just a sorta strange exhibition event with no stakes at all. As much as surfers want to surf Pipe, to do it with a real lack of prestige and not against the best surfers in the world makes it a lot less enticing. I think it’s a lot like Vans turning the Triple Crown digital. They messed that up good with much less interest compared to when the events were each live and based on results.”

But do you think correct?

Has Vans attempted to fix something that was not broken?

And are you excited for the new format?

Speak from the heart, please.

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Gals gone crazy!

Shockwave sent through women’s pro surfing as Australian star is accused of stealing another surfer’s wallet and illegally spending thousands of dollars online shopping following wild dinner in Hawaii, “Sorry! I was drunk!”

"There were multiple attempts at online purchases with credit cards in Australia, adding to over ten thousand dollars!"

There’s been reports of a “huge rift” between European and Australian surfers following a wild post-contest celebration and alleged theft at Lei Lei’s Bar and Grill on Oahu’s North Shore. 

According to our source, the wallet of a leading European surfer went missing at a dinner at the Turtle Bay eatery and bar following the conclusion of the Haleiwa Challenger, the final qualifying event of the season. 

Accusations flew and fingers were pointed causing much consternation and bad blood between the European and Australian camps, the colonisers versus the colonised y’might say.

The wallet was handed back by the alleged thief the following afternoon with the explanation, “Sorry I was drunk.” 

“But,” said our source, “here’s the kicker. There were multiple attempts at online purchases with credit cards (yes more than one) in Australia, adding to over ten thousand $$ that were made morning after the incident, like 9am the next day!” 

Various sporting bodies connected to surfing are reportedly trying to keep a lid on the incident. 

More as the curtain is pulled back.

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A Murfer's Shangri-La or "a monument to greed wearing a spiritual cloak."

Surf-hippy utopia Byron Bay’s collapse into “malignant nightmare” continues as mother-of-one called a “whore” and left bleeding on beach after collision in surf and town divides into who was in the wrong!

“No other place on earth is so falsly mytho-poetically rhapsodized…Byron has the highest rates of violent and sexual assault outside of inner Sydney."

Shortly before his disappearance, BeachGrit’s tour correspondent and Russian-lit heavy “Longtom” wrote movingly of the collapse of Byron Bay from surf-hippy utopia into “malignant nightmare.” 

“No other place on earth is so falsly mytho-poetically rhapsodized…I see a different side of the Bay. Byron has the highest rates of violent and sexual assault outside of inner Sydney. This ain’t a peaceful place when drunk and drugged fuckers are wandering around outside closing time.

“It’s a monument to greed wearing a spiritual cloak. A glittering dream metastasized into a malignant nightmare. The bastard spawn of unhinged neoliberalism and grinning hippy capitalists running riot in an orgy of aimless consumption in the spiritual supermarket. Ayn Rand on a mid-length.”

Collisions in the surf as leashless logs and VALS with dreams of being the next Jamie O career through lineups are frequent, as the mother of a disabled kid and aged care worker found out on Sunday when she got belted by an out-of-control surf pilot.

Ayumi Noha, a forty-two-year-old surf vet of twenty summers, was paddling out at Main Beach when she was run over, ripping her stilt open. 

She was reportedly called a “whore” and criticised for damaging the man’s craft with her bone and tissue. 

Noha’s partner, Nharyan Feldmann, said the unknown surfer then left his gal on the beach to bleed out. 

“We have two kids, one with a disability. She won’t be able to walk or work for two weeks at least,” Feldmann wrote on Facebook. “This poor excuse for a human being abused her for the damage to his board and walked away.”

Feldmann says a couple of bystanders drove crippled Noha to hozzy. Byron Hospital said it was too messy to stitch so she was driven one-hour north to Tweed Heads where surgeons put her under a general anaesthetic for the procedure.

Cops said, “Police are not responsible for collisions during leisure sporting activities, whether that be in the ocean, at skate parks or on dirt tracks. However, police are responsible for investigating offences such as intimidation with intent to cause physical fear and threats of physical violence.”

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