A Murfer's Shangri-La or "a monument to greed wearing a spiritual cloak."

Surf-hippy utopia Byron Bay’s collapse into “malignant nightmare” continues as mother-of-one called a “whore” and left bleeding on beach after collision in surf and town divides into who was in the wrong!

“No other place on earth is so falsly mytho-poetically rhapsodized…Byron has the highest rates of violent and sexual assault outside of inner Sydney."

Shortly before his disappearance, BeachGrit’s tour correspondent and Russian-lit heavy “Longtom” wrote movingly of the collapse of Byron Bay from surf-hippy utopia into “malignant nightmare.” 

“No other place on earth is so falsly mytho-poetically rhapsodized…I see a different side of the Bay. Byron has the highest rates of violent and sexual assault outside of inner Sydney. This ain’t a peaceful place when drunk and drugged fuckers are wandering around outside closing time.

“It’s a monument to greed wearing a spiritual cloak. A glittering dream metastasized into a malignant nightmare. The bastard spawn of unhinged neoliberalism and grinning hippy capitalists running riot in an orgy of aimless consumption in the spiritual supermarket. Ayn Rand on a mid-length.”

Collisions in the surf as leashless logs and VALS with dreams of being the next Jamie O career through lineups are frequent, as the mother of a disabled kid and aged care worker found out on Sunday when she got belted by an out-of-control surf pilot.

Ayumi Noha, a forty-two-year-old surf vet of twenty summers, was paddling out at Main Beach when she was run over, ripping her stilt open. 

She was reportedly called a “whore” and criticised for damaging the man’s craft with her bone and tissue. 

Noha’s partner, Nharyan Feldmann, said the unknown surfer then left his gal on the beach to bleed out. 

“We have two kids, one with a disability. She won’t be able to walk or work for two weeks at least,” Feldmann wrote on Facebook. “This poor excuse for a human being abused her for the damage to his board and walked away.”

Feldmann says a couple of bystanders drove crippled Noha to hozzy. Byron Hospital said it was too messy to stitch so she was driven one-hour north to Tweed Heads where surgeons put her under a general anaesthetic for the procedure.

Cops said, “Police are not responsible for collisions during leisure sporting activities, whether that be in the ocean, at skate parks or on dirt tracks. However, police are responsible for investigating offences such as intimidation with intent to cause physical fear and threats of physical violence.”

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Sellme fitzgobbins
Sellme fitzgobbins
3 years ago

Wrong comments to article … again

7dollarsurfboard
7dollarsurfboard
3 years ago

One would think a hippies gash like that would be a little more bearded.

benstandsup
benstandsup
3 years ago

sounds like something you read somewhere, mate

JohnsKnees
JohnsKnees
3 years ago

Never trust anyone who wears a wide brimmed hat.

Black Rubber
Black Rubber
3 years ago

Wait…Longtom is just missing? I thought he was dead!

Ami Lost
Ami Lost
3 years ago

IT’S A LIFESTYLE while being shuffled away in handcuffs and leg irons.

notsurfingtoday
notsurfingtoday
3 years ago

Seeing all the pretty murfers lined up, reminded me of something i read recently – sorry Bex, it’s in the guardian, don’t burn your eyes on it

https://www.theguardian.com…

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
3 years ago

Is great if you want to know what’s not going on

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
3 years ago

Older I get it’s more leisure and less activity when imy in the lineup.

Capt Sensible
Capt Sensible
3 years ago

Those dam Byron Bay yanks sure have a lot to answer for.

Ps and Byron hipsters sure look stupid out of their natural environment and out in waves of power haha muthafuka going over falls backwards on ya mal in your Hawaii print shirt.

Nonagon_Infinity
Nonagon_Infinity
3 years ago

Got that wound when I was 13, lifeguards stretchered me to Newy Hospital opposite the beach. Managed to save my piping hot steamer, doctor wanted to amputate…

@surfads
@surfads
3 years ago

Great view from the old Royal wards

Nonagon_Infinity
Nonagon_Infinity
3 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

Yep, the STD clinic too

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
3 years ago

A companion to weak piss!

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
3 years ago

no quarter…keep it going…I love you Alice B. Toklas~
https://youtu.be/wdqDmJbm2eY

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
3 years ago

In another online report it’s been said that numerous people worldwide are having fanciful thoughts of getting black market nukes to turn Byron into an actual hole in the ground.

As averse to it being a ‘quasi cultural, spiritual, expensive, douche baggy, surf’ one, like it is now.
With the associated downfalls of over-popularity…


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