Surfers panic as Indonesia bans sex!

Surf-rich archipelago declares "The old randy code what with its forbidden canoodling belongs to Dutch heritage and is no longer relevant!"

The Indonesian archipelago, a wonderful republic floating above Australia in the dreamy Indian Ocean, is known for many things including enchantment, fried rice, Komodo dragons but it is mostly known for surf. One can be standing on any of the 17000 islands, toss a rock and hit a historically important wave. Uluwatu, Lagundri Bay, Lance’s Right, Padang Padang, Lakey Peak but to name a tiny fraction.

As such, surfers have been flocking to paradise for many decades to surf, drink cold beer, maybe find love in the arms of a beautiful man or woman. Well, that final divertissement is now off the teak table for, hours ago, the government officially outlawed night music between non-married folk.

Per CNN:

Indonesian lawmakers unanimously passed a sweeping new criminal code on Tuesday that criminalizes sex outside marriage, as part of a tranche of changes that critics say threaten human rights and freedoms in the Southeast Asian country.

The new code, which also applies to foreign residents and tourists, bans cohabitation before marriage, apostasy, and provides punishments for insulting the president or expressing views counter to the national ideology.

“All have agreed to ratify the (draft changes) into law,” said lawmaker Bambang Wuryanto, who led the parliamentary commission in charge of revising the colonial-era code. “The old code belongs to Dutch heritage … and is no longer relevant.”

The penalty if caught in flagrante delicato is one year in prison and a lifetime of deep shame.

Tour operators on popular destinations such as Bali are extremely worried that the new statues will deter tourists from booking travel, declaring the rules would be “counterproductive” but they should not worry about surfers who will come anyhow, controlling their sexual impulses, swallowing snide comments about the president, in order to barrel and air. To glide over dreamy reefs, through tunnels of water, out again into the warm sun.

I suppose, at the end, it is a good thing that professional surfing’s governing body, the World Surf League, has decided not to return to Indonesia for this year’s Championship Tour and will instead go to Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch there in Lemoore, California where sin of all kinds is not only allowed but encouraged at the nearby Tachi Palace.

Games of chance, drinking bottom shelf liquor from a flimsy plastic cup, making eyes at Leonardo Fioravanti.

In all seriousness, though, which professional surfer on tour, announcer, executive, senior vice president, judge would have gotten into trouble first?

I’m going to go with CEO Erik Logan.

Remember when he brought Covid to Hawaii?

Happier times.