World Surf League breeds "an unmissable
abomination!"
Fans of professional surfing, as produced and
broadcast by the World Surf League, have long been frustrated by
the patented Wall of Positive Noise™. Brought into existence in
2015, circa 1976, the Wall™ has managed to keep any negativity
whatsoever, as it relates to surfing professionally, off the
airwaves. No surfers are bad, no surfing lacking, as a crack team
of commenters pour pure praise on every single moment.
Current champion Filipe Toledo, and his brave act of cowardice at
Teahupo’o wherein he refused to paddle for a wave in
2015 then reprised the glory in
2022, is met with fawning oohs and ahhs from the
booth.
He was entirely clinical in his approach to not dropping in
while AARP gentleman shared waves.
Strategic.
Artful.
Oh the Wall™ is not reserved for our heroes and heroines alone.
The World Surf League, itself, is also the most successful
enterprise on earth with millions upon millions of allegedly new
consumers converting each and every day shooting viewer numbers on
the just-wrapped final’s day through the roof.
Well, the whole business has attracted those responsible for
airing World Cup soccer in the United States, allegedly, though the
proper sporting media has not been as tolerant.
International headlines, today, scream, “Fox Sports’ US World
Cup coverage is an unmissable abomination.”
A sampling:
At a time when things are clicking on the pitch for the US
men’s national team and America finally has a generation of
footballers with the technical quality to challenge the world’s
best, there’s been something faintly reassuring about Fox Sports’
approach to this tournament. Whereas the USMNT is now a
cosmopolitan ensemble of feather-fine talents, the Fox team is the
equivalent of a farmers’ league XI that hoofs it long and hopes for
the best.
And…
In these circumstances you might expect Fox’s coverage of
the matches, untroubled by politics, to be razor-sharp. You would
be mistaken. From its Orientalist redoubt on the Doha Corniche
(Arabesque motifs, casino lighting, no actual Arabs unless they’re
from the Qatari tourism agency), the Fox team has set about its
task with vigor: to beam all the tournament matches into the living
rooms of America while being maximally patronizing to the country’s
soccer fans. In those rare moments when Fox is not jamming a brand
down our throats (“Here’s the player to watch segment, presented by
Coca-Cola”, “Your first-half moment, sponsored by Verizon”, “Our
player spotlight is hosted by the Volkswagen ID.4”), the network’s
hosts, analysts, and match commentators seem determined to
mansplain the sport as if we, the soccer-watching public of the
United States, have spent the past four decades with our heads in
the desert sands surrounding Lusail Iconic Stadium.
To…
Take a moment to appreciate the full dizzying scope of Fox’s
witlessness in Qatar. After Rob Stone noted, in the lead-up to the
group match between Brazil and Serbia, that the Brazilians have won
the World Cup five times – perhaps the most widely known World Cup
statistic of all – a wide-eyed Dempsey exclaimed, “Wow, you really
did your research!” During France v Denmark, match commentator JP
Dellacamera described Kylian Mbappé as “a kid who’s 23 and already
the whole world is talking about him,” an evaluation whose
awestruck “already” suggested that JP has watched close to no
football over the past half decade. Donovan started the tournament
pronouncing Iran “Eye-ran”, witnessed Tyler Adams being corrected
by an Iranian journalist for mispronouncing his country’s name –
then continued to call the country “Eye-ran”.
But does it sound familiar?
Joe Turpel?
Martin Potter (RIP)?
Sorry, world.
Sincerely, WSL.
