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Shakira (left) with a surf instructor. Photo: @shakira

Pop sensation Shakira orders prying, though popular, surf tabloid to keep damned nose out of her blossoming relationship with dashing surf instructor!

Nothing to see here.

We last left Shakira on Spain’s northern coast, soothing her broken heart through the cathartic properties of surfing.

Her marriage to Spanish soccer stud Gerard Pique, you see, had unraveled and what better place to rehabilitate than amongst the rolling waves?

The lapping tides?

The Colombian chanteuse is no stranger to the lineup, having taken trips to various Wavegardens, tropical beaches etc. and surfers, everywhere, understood her decision. Better in the drink than the drink in her.

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As things happen, out in the waters, fresh love can spark and rumors have burst forth that Shakira has fallen madly in love with her dashing surf instructor, has introduced him to her family and all the other bells and whistles.

Surf instructor certainly for the win.

After days upon days of wagging tongues, though, the hitmaker struck out, delivering a devastating slap to tabloids and especially of the surf varietal, declaring,  “Out of respect for my children and the vulnerable moment they are going through, I ask the media to stop the speculation. I have no partner and nothing other than devoting myself entirely to my children and their welfare.”

Surf instructor unfortunately for the lose.

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But do think that, if the two are indeed together, he will forgive her publicly denying his existence? “I have no partner and nothing other than devoting myself etc.” definitively harsh.

Also, if you were one of Shakira’s children, would you enjoy being raised by a surf instructor? Might one of them become the next Gabriel Medina who was raised by his surf shop owning step-father?

Also, has the surf instructor’s stock ever been so high?

Lastly, do you imagine Shakira’s children’s welfare is buoyed or harmed by an alleged attachment to someone in the surf instruction industry?

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That’s all for now.

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22 Comments
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tim_nelsen

aren’t we all just drinking buddies clogging the line-up? and can’t a word in edgewise? sauza is my best friend!

Lemon Next to the Pie

So, are the rumours about dashing surf instructors true or did Shakira’s hips make up the story about shenanigan free lessons?

tim_nelsen

rattlesnake shake…https://youtu.be/apL8sYeuOks

Picard Madeoff

They appear true and insiders say he uses the same stylist as Shakira for his frosted tips

Nicole Anstedt

Dude is a rebound so hopefully she isn’t thinking wedding bells as hard as he is praying she won’t want a pre-nup.

Low wide stinkbug stance

Wasn’t there a surf instructor who went psycho killer about a year ago?

Hard pass.

munnstrosity

2. Psycho ex wife and honey I speared the kids.

John Non John

NonJohn needs a surf instructor, and a life coach

Stick man

Shakira reads this shit… Congrats on going “Tabloid Status” Chas & DR!

Sean Connery

How about the “aspiring pro” surfer doing surf instruction to subsidize his dream of being pro surfer. As the years go on you watch as the sponsor stickers dwindle down to just the local surf shop. When the old go fund me gets sent out to subsidize the next QS1000 u know the dream is on its last leg.

ValiantScorn

Once you step out of your ridiculous life, and lean into the “surf community” prepare to be cut top to bottom! No rules for Us! You’re a silly bitch that yodels on top of obnoxious sound. Surf World doesn’t give a f about your feelings, or your kids!!! Keep them both at home! But wear skimpy outfits, to whore your “music”..that’s all u offer…….

tim_nelsen

wannabe Spice Girl. I’ll learn her!

Skippy

Was out on pretty good size day when an instructor called his charge into an overhead walled up beast of a wave, dude took two half-ass strokes tried to get to his feet and was launched out in front and got absolutely smashed, hee hee.

ValiantScorn

Whenever I see someone giving lessons, I ask them if their probation allows them to be around children……

tim_nelsen

my daughter and her boyfriend both instruct and would love a grandson!

ValiantScorn
tim_nelsen

top ten on the original jukebox playlist. (which burned in a mysterious fire.) also allmanbros, doobiebros, beachbros, vaughnbros…and The Association on KFI 590…aqualung is next up~

Beef & Beer

My answers to your four questions at the end of that (article?) are…

1. No. Astro has already pointed out that surf instructors are scum.
2. No. See 1, above.
3. No. See 2, above.
4. Harmed. See 3, above.

Occ Topus

Obvs that Gerard left Shakira in a fit of Pique. So sad.

astro

Hate to break it to you Chas, but Surf Instructors are scum.
Uncore.

@surfads

What about surf-skate instructors? Asking for a friend.

astro

Female impersonators.


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