Professional surfers (pictured) with trowels. Photo:
WSL
World Surf League blows environmental doors
off hinges as 2022’s progress report reveals emissions slashed by
50%, 35,000 global youth educated, 100 tons of plastic vanished
from Indonesia!
By Chas Smith
Go, WSL!
Aside from its commitment to equality, the
World Surf League has really leaned into environmental stewardship
in these past few years. Professional surfers, on the Championship
Tour, can regularly be seen planting small bushes in various
bluffs, much booth talk can be heard from Joe Turpel and gang about
various environment and Jessi Miley-Dyer plus Erik Logan
things.
But who could have guessed, who might have imagined how robust
the efforts actually were.
With 2022 drawing to a close, the World Surf League’s Chief
People and Purpose Officer, Emily Hofer, has shared, “The ocean is
our arena, it’s our office — many of us would describe it as home.
We believe that the future of surfing depends on the health of the
ocean; and it’s our duty to ensure that the ocean is protected for
surfers to come.”
The successes this year?
According to the WSL:
-Reduced emissions by almost 50 percent from the 2018 baseline
year;
-Educated 35,000 global youth on cultural and environmental
stewardship;
-Removed 100 tons of plastic from Indonesian waterways;
-Conserved almost 350,000 hectares of coastal land — including
prime surf ecosystems at Playa Hermosa, Costa Rica and Grajagan
Bay, Java, Indonesia (famously known to those in the know as
“G-Land”).
“Sports have the power to inspire hearts and minds,” Hofer added
at the end. “Anything related to protecting the ocean or the earth
is a really good way to leverage sports and the inspirational power
of sports.”
Sports sports sports.
Sportswashing.
Wonderful.
But how do you think the reduced emissions came to be?
Ahhhh, the mid-season cut. Professional surfers told they are no
longer allowed to get on to airplanes and fly to exotic
locations.
Less helping hands in planting small bushes, I suppose, but an
overall win.
Go, WSL.
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Adult learner Parker Seidels, inset, says sorry, man,
to Makana, wearing his board in the main photo.
Adult learner surfer who nearly decapitated
Pipeline star issues brave mea culpa on YouTube, “I’ve received a
lot of death threats and a lot of hate. I know what I did was wrong
and stupid and disrespectful!”
By surf ads
"I apologise to Makana Pang for paddling out at
Pipeline two days ago and seriously almost injuring Makana, and
possibly ruining his career."
Do you watch any of those surfing blogs on
YouTube? I do. It’s a guilty indulgence.
Sorta like secretly enjoying Hollywood rom-coms or bikie-grade
methamphetamine.
I can’t get enough of it.
Nathan Florence is the standout.
There’s something about the unproduced, uncut rawness of his
videos that encapsulates the surfing experience so much more
closely than a tightly edited performance clip.
The paddle out. The sets on the head. The lineup chat.
Jazz is what’s between the notes ‘n that. Plus he hooks.
It’s obviously a model that resonates. His audience and view
rates are through the wazoo.
But for every one Nathan Florence there’s a thousand Parker
Seidels.
For a while now I’ve had a story bubbling in the back of my mind
about the YouTube surfer. This second generation of GoPro-weilding
content creators holding up the likes of JOB and Ben Gravy as their
heroes.
Never not online. Dedicated to recording every aspect of the
lineup. Slow-mo non head-dips.Going over the falls. Hi-5s and
bro-slaps with their buddies on the beach.
Actual surfing skill not required.
Parker is one such acolyte. Only he plies his trade out at
Pipeline.
There’s dozens of videos posted to his YouTube Channel with
titles like:
RAW FOOTAGE LEARNING HOW TO SURF EP 1
CAUGHT INSIDE AT PIPELINE *HUMBLING*
SCARY DAY AT PIPELINE *ALMOST DROWNED*
I SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN OUT HERE *VERY BIG DAY AT PIPELINE*
You read Makana’s impassioned, level-headed plea for kooks to
stop paddling out in conditions they can’t handle, after his
mid-tube collision with an errant learner’s board.
A bit of instagram sleuthing quickly uncovered Parker as the
board’s owner.
Now, Parker, a fresh-faced teen who has apparently only started
surfing in the last 18 months, has taken to YouTube to apologise
for his actions.
Only thing is, this wasn’t the only strife he’d gotten himself
into chasing content over the last few days.
“I just want to make this video to apologise for my actions
this past week. I just want to express how sorry and how terrible I
feel right now, and I just wish I could take back what i have done
because i was being so stupid. I was being an idiot. For going to
the Big Island and being super uneducated and getting super close
to the lava and not knowing anything about what I was
doing.”
Turns out Parker had also hopped over to the slopes of active
volcano Mauna Loa and tried to roast some marshmallows in the lava
flow, which has been threatening homes on the Big Island for a
couple of weeks now. Of course he recorded clips of it all for his
YouTube channel. Big sign of disrespect to local Hawaiian customs.
Then he and his group apparently became lost for hours on the
volcanic slopes, putting themselves at further risk.
“I want to apologise to all the people I have offended and I
have definitely learned from this experience. I’ve received a lot
of death threats and a lot of hate. I know what i did was wrong and
stupid and disrespectful.
“From the bottom of my heart I want to apologise and I know
saying sorry isn’t enough. I know this will take time to fix. I am
educating myself about what I have done. I just feel terrible. I
want to apologise to all the natives on the Big Island for what I
have done.”
Cue Pipe, Makana.
“I also want to apologise to Makana Pang for paddling out at
Pipeline two days ago and seriously almost injuring Makana, and
possibly ruining his career. I just wanted to say I was very, very
selfish in that moment. I shouldn’t have been out there. The waves
were way too big. Not only did I put myself at risk but I also put
a lot of other surfers at risk who have trained their whole lives
to be there and it was just super selfish for me to paddle out in
those waves. I’m glad that he’s ok but it could have been way
worse. I know what I did was wrong. Just wanted to make this video
to apologise even though I know this is going to take a lot of time
to fix.”
It was all enough for young Parker to finally see the error of
his ways.
“I am definitely taking a break from social media. I am
definitely getting off Instagram. And YouTube. For a long long
time. I just want to own up to my mistakes and my wrongs. I have
learned a lot from this. I will learn and I will grow. I lost my
job this morning. I feel like people are basically out there to
kill me right now. It’s kinda scary but I just wanted to let you
guys know I am taking a break and I am deeply, deeply sorry for my
actions and I will do better and think more before I do things. I
apologise. I’m sorry.”
Where to from here?
Parker, who looks to be barely out of his teens, is less a cause
of the problem than a symptom.
No one’s begrudging the likes of Nathan Florence, JOB, Koa etc
making a living with their videos. They’re professionals. They
belong in the line-=up.
But should they now be posting warnings at the start of their
clips?
DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME. VALS GET CRACKS.
Or could we even go a step further?
Have a guided discussion, a collective moment of introspection,
on the levels of self-aggrandising narcissism we have descended to
as a society in the social media age?
This cultural morasse we find ourselves in?
Could YouTube be disbanded? Instragram disconnected? Modems
tossed in the bin, Smart phones placed in bedside drawers. Humanity
strolling out into the sunlight together. Finally unfiltered.
Finally unplugged.
Or will the content creation machine continue on its inexorable
roll?
Probs. Cunts’ll do anything for a click nowadays.
‘Cept here on Beach Grit.
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No big wave. Photo: Eurovision Song
Contest.
“Possessor of pop’s most piercing falsetto”
Sam Ryder declares horror Hawaiian surfing accident altered his
course from big-wave stud to sensual songbird!
By Chas Smith
Fire Saga.
But if you had to choose between being an international
singing sensation or a noted wrangler of big waves which
would you choose? Of course the two are not mutually exclusive.
Makua Rothman, son of North Shore strongman Eddie, for example has
conquered both worlds but it is exceptionally rare and, to be
honest, I don’t know if you have the necessary double threat
skillset.
So which?
Adored by fawning audiences whilst crooning or sliding down the
face of monsters?
Well, British singer-songwriter Sam Ryder came to the
aforementioned crossroads and chose the microphone. In a stirring interview with the
BBC, the Eurovision musical contest runner-up declared
that it was a horror surfing accident in Hawaii that guided his
destiny.
“I was surfing in Hawaii and my board snapped. Then I got hit by
a wave and I very nearly drowned,” he told Auntie. “It pushed me
down so far into the water. And the turbulence of the water, the
power, is incredible. Fighting against it, you feel like you’ve
been hit by a bus.”
The terror left him bed-ridden for a week, pondering what to
make of his life.
“Obviously, the golden rule in surfing is ‘never underestimate
the sea,'” he continued, “but until it goes wrong, you can’t fathom
it. You’re like, ‘I am insignificant in this body of water’. But
that day was important to me because I wanted to be very good at
surfing and ride the big waves – but [the accident] put me back on
my true purpose. I was like, ‘You can’t do the thing you love most,
which is music and singing, if you’re at the bottom of the
sea.'”
A wise determination.
Ryder, who has luxurious long hair and soft beard, went on to
amass more than 14 million TikTok fans, a record deal and
Eurovision success.
As an American, I only really know of the business from Will
Ferrell’s very funny Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire
Saga.
Worth a watch.
Also, though, are you sad not to be able to watch Ryder on the
World Surf League’s Big Wave World Tour?
Something to think about.
Only one Makua.
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Sad Logan and happy Styles (pictured) with hijackers.
Photo: Goodfellas.
World Surf League popularity viciously
questioned after pop hunk Harry Styles has merchandise truck
hijacked in home of Brazilian surf star Jihad Khodr!
By Chas Smith
Dark days.
The World Surf League, which will kick off its
2023 Championship Tour in mere weeks, was rocked overnight as an
adoring public began questioning its popularity. Much was made,
last year, by WSL CEO Erik Logan of the absolute exploding growth
of professional surfing at its highest level. Millions upon
millions of new fans devouring broadcasts, snatching up
merchandise, packing beaches and nowhere more than Brazil.
Logan, and the rest of the League’s executive suite plus
commentators, made much about the love their product received from
South America’s largest nation. How adored they all were and the
“passion” they were shown.
So much “passion,” it was uttered once every three years by the
aforementioned team. Maybe more “passion” than had ever been
unleashed before. Maybe the most “passion” of all time.
Until, that is, Harry Styles rolled into town.
The pop stud, who has been on a rocket to massive fame, was
rolling into the country for a concert tonight, you see, when a
truck carrying his merchandise was hijacked by armed gunmen. Per
reporting, the bandits subdued the driver, took his truck and its
loot of bedazzled t-shirts and fedoras and vanished into the warm
night air of Curtiba, which happens to be outside of São Paulo.
More importantly, Curtiba also happens to be the home of World
Surf League (née Association of Surfing Professionals) superstar
Jihad Khodr. Of course you recall his campaign, which lasted from
2008 to 2009 and thrilled me because I enjoyed his name so much but
also his passion.
In any case, no World Surf League merch truck has ever been
hijacked in Brazil nor Australia nor Lemoore, California. Stephanie
Gilmore jerseys and Italo Ferreira Jerseys and Ethan Ewing jerseys
left unmolested. The adoring public wondering how popular the show
really is.
Dark days.
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Brutal near-decapitation at Pipeline draws
ire from local surfers and death threats to VAL responsible,
“Bodies were on top of each other …craziest sh*t I’ve seen in my 30
something years out there!”
By Derek Rielly
"I’m truly scared to see what the future holds for
this lineup!”
A wild collision at Pipeline that nearly stole the head from
hot local surfer Makuna Pang on Wednesday has drawn a wild
response from locals and death threats to the VAL
responsible.
“Look at this shit,” writes twenty-one-year-0ld Makana, son of
legend shaper Dennis Pang. “I’ve gotten in the way tons of times
out at Pipe, it happens, but if you cant even duck dive your round
nose, squash tail plug on a four-foot day what the hell are you
doing out there?
“This wave has taken more lives than any other wave on earth and
inexperienced people paddling out because they’ve watched all the
‘Perfect Pipeline’ vlogs on youtube makes it twice as
dangerous.
“Any of you that have went out the past two swells have had a
moment where a person(s) have gotten in the your way just paddling
for or riding a wave I’m sure.
“Maybe you are even that guy getting in the way and you are the
problem? Nearly every set last Friday was littered with random
people in the way of The Boys while paddling for waves when there
should be a clear runway.
“Two-thirds of the guys placing themselves underneath the locals
don’t even belong sitting right there. The only people that should
be sitting underneath the top dogs is the next generation of LOCAL
teens.
“Just because you don’t see guys getting knocked out on the
beach like before, doesn’t mean the amount of respect for the wave
and people out there has changed.
“Be aware & If you are apart of this problem KINDLY GET THE FUCK
OUT OF THE WAY PLEASE OR DONT PADDLE OUT.”
Responses came in their hundreds from a who’s who of Pipe
superstars and world champs, most of ’em calling for a return to
the days of not-so-yore when fists were thrown with impunity.
The world longboard champ Joel Tudor summed up the prevailing
mood with his treatise on the situation.
“Counted 92 people out that Friday and opted to watch instead of
surf, at one point saw a set that had so many dudes paddling up the
face it looked like salmon running…bodies were on top of each other
…craziest shit I’ve seen in my 30 something years out there. Sadly
though with the removal of localism it’s a wide open door to the
masses, gone are the day of catching cracks for being a donkey
…nowadays that donkey can risk your life and then sue ya for your
house for hurting their feelings …anyone who owns anything out here
or their family does is scared to death of what multiple live cams,
drones and phones can record and because of that the old order and
understanding has faded for this new era kook take over. I’m truly
scared to see what the future holds for this lineup!”
“The guy that bailed and hit @m_pang with his
board is getting death threats. Don’t do that. He’s just being used
as an example. The main focus of this post is to teach people
that aren’t ready to paddle out to pipe to NOT do it. If you can’t
duck dive then you sure as hell don’t belong out there. C’mon
people this wave is one of the most dangerous waves out there it’s
no joke maybe use your brain a little. Imagine if that board were
to knock out @m_pang and he were
to drown because you decided to paddle out when you shouldn’t have.
Know your boundaries and if you have any doubts don’t go out before
you accidentally kill someone.”
I hear it, I ain’t going near that joint.
What do you think possesses a soul to join the madness at the
world’s heaviest wave with only rudimentary skills?
