Exciting times.

Any person, surfer or not, who lives in our modern times is keenly aware of the publicity cycle for blockbuster books. Near release date, the publisher will begin to leak hot juice in order to spike an appetite for purchase, planting stories in the press etc. Prince Harry’s Spare worked the algorithm to a tee, riding a gossip train to 3 million sales on the day it dropped.

A record.

Might Pamela Anderson’s Love, Pamela beat it out?

The onetime Playmate, Baywatch alumn and Barb Wire star’s memoir is due to drop in one week’s time. Already we have learned that the only man she has ever loved is Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee and, today, that Sylvester Stallone offered her a condominium and a Porsche to be his “number one girl.”

Per Page Six:

“And I was like, ‘Does that mean there’s No. 2? Uh-uh. He goes, ‘That’s the best offer you’re gonna get, honey. You’re in Hollywood now.'”

While Stallone’s people deny that business ever happened, surf fans are on extreme edge as the book promises “the lesser-known yet steamy details of her past romances with ‘90s A-listers such as Scott Baio, 62, “Superman” lead Dean Cain, 56, her “Baywatch” co-star Kelly Slater, 50, and “The Real World: New York” contestant Eric Nies, 51.”

But what can you imagine one of the “lesser known steamy” details in her relationship with the greatest surfer ever?

Did he offer her something too?

What?

Exciting times.

Rage.

If you know me, have ever read a word I’ve written or listen to one I’ve spoken, then you know that I am an outspoken advocate for beef between media outlets. Oh, I regularly wish for wonderful entertaining barbs between any of the players and always try to stoke the fire. Alas, Stab is profoundly not funny, The Inertia too soft, Surfline all conservative, Surfer dead leaving me to poke all by my lonesome sad and depressed.

Thankfully, there is Instagram where the popular surf meme account Kook of the Day just took a vicious slash at Kook Slams.

Heavy.

Surf meme account historians will recall the heady days when @kookoftheday first rolled out with photos making light of various surf offenses in a lighthearted way. If my timeline proves correct, @kookslams followed a few months later and featured videos of surfers, or surf-adjacents, getting rolled, pounded, generally messed about by water.

Both were very funny and caused many laughs, though at some point, @kookoftheday fell afoul of that hateful Mark Zuckerberg empire and became disappeared with its million+ followers. A replacement account, @kookofthedayog, was launched and while it only has 100000+ followers to @kookslams 1.7 million, it was not afraid enter the battle arena.

Likening @kookslams to Tiger Woods and itself to John Daly.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Kook of the Day (@kookofthedayog)

Boom.

Comments are currently raging about which account is better, though at the time of writing, @kookslams has yet to respond.

Will it? Or will @kookofthedayog be left, like me, to poke alone?

More as the story develops.

Dirty tricks.

The sun has risen, once again, on this new post-Eddie Aikau Invitational 2023 world bathing all of us, each and every, in undeniably gorgeous light. All of us, each and every, not including World Surf League brass, that is. Oh the most prestigious surf contest on earth really tore apart any shred of dignity the WSL had left by hosting an event with no sponsors, no fussy rules, no Surf Ranch, Lower Trestles, nifty graphics packages, Joe Turpel or a professional surfing victor and it was the best that ever was.

Perfection in every way.

Except, once again, to the aforementioned muckety-mucks who are bubbling in their own jealously, refusing to recognize the Eddie and possibly planning some tricks in order to juice their own days-away Pro Pipeline.

Maybe, even, the du jour it boy Pete Davidson?

Surf fans, and love sleuths, are certainly aware of the actor-comedian from his dalliance with quaint California surf town resident Emily Ratajkowski, but before that he was attached to the even more famous inter-Malibu local Kim Kardashian and before that engaged to Florida’s Ariana Grande.

Davidson draws much attention wherever he goes about whoever he is with, which, currently, happens to be Hawaii and Chase Sui Wonders. The two were caught canoodling on the beach and speculation immediately ran wild that the “global home of surfing” invited the Saturday Night Live alumn in order to bring attention to the Pro Pipeline.

Dirty tricks.

If Davidson and Wonders do happen to catch opening day from the Volcom House balcony, mainstream media attention will surely flow, Slater will undoubtedly pay them a visit, WSL CEO Erik Logan will be in the bushes throwing a shaka and Head of Tours Jessi Miley-Dyer will be winning an award.

The Eddie all but lost in the shuffle.

Hardened surf fans attempting to remember if it even really happened.

Yikes.