Rage.

If you know me, have ever read a word I’ve written or listen to one I’ve spoken, then you know that I am an outspoken advocate for beef between media outlets. Oh, I regularly wish for wonderful entertaining barbs between any of the players and always try to stoke the fire. Alas, Stab is profoundly not funny, The Inertia too soft, Surfline all conservative, Surfer dead leaving me to poke all by my lonesome sad and depressed.

Thankfully, there is Instagram where the popular surf meme account Kook of the Day just took a vicious slash at Kook Slams.

Heavy.

Surf meme account historians will recall the heady days when @kookoftheday first rolled out with photos making light of various surf offenses in a lighthearted way. If my timeline proves correct, @kookslams followed a few months later and featured videos of surfers, or surf-adjacents, getting rolled, pounded, generally messed about by water.

Both were very funny and caused many laughs, though at some point, @kookoftheday fell afoul of that hateful Mark Zuckerberg empire and became disappeared with its million+ followers. A replacement account, @kookofthedayog, was launched and while it only has 100000+ followers to @kookslams 1.7 million, it was not afraid enter the battle arena.

Likening @kookslams to Tiger Woods and itself to John Daly.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Kook of the Day (@kookofthedayog)

Boom.

Comments are currently raging about which account is better, though at the time of writing, @kookslams has yet to respond.

Will it? Or will @kookofthedayog be left, like me, to poke alone?

More as the story develops.

Dirty tricks.

The sun has risen, once again, on this new post-Eddie Aikau Invitational 2023 world bathing all of us, each and every, in undeniably gorgeous light. All of us, each and every, not including World Surf League brass, that is. Oh the most prestigious surf contest on earth really tore apart any shred of dignity the WSL had left by hosting an event with no sponsors, no fussy rules, no Surf Ranch, Lower Trestles, nifty graphics packages, Joe Turpel or a professional surfing victor and it was the best that ever was.

Perfection in every way.

Except, once again, to the aforementioned muckety-mucks who are bubbling in their own jealously, refusing to recognize the Eddie and possibly planning some tricks in order to juice their own days-away Pro Pipeline.

Maybe, even, the du jour it boy Pete Davidson?

Surf fans, and love sleuths, are certainly aware of the actor-comedian from his dalliance with quaint California surf town resident Emily Ratajkowski, but before that he was attached to the even more famous inter-Malibu local Kim Kardashian and before that engaged to Florida’s Ariana Grande.

Davidson draws much attention wherever he goes about whoever he is with, which, currently, happens to be Hawaii and Chase Sui Wonders. The two were caught canoodling on the beach and speculation immediately ran wild that the “global home of surfing” invited the Saturday Night Live alumn in order to bring attention to the Pro Pipeline.

Dirty tricks.

If Davidson and Wonders do happen to catch opening day from the Volcom House balcony, mainstream media attention will surely flow, Slater will undoubtedly pay them a visit, WSL CEO Erik Logan will be in the bushes throwing a shaka and Head of Tours Jessi Miley-Dyer will be winning an award.

The Eddie all but lost in the shuffle.

Hardened surf fans attempting to remember if it even really happened.

Yikes.

Extremely poor sportsmanship.

The glory of yesterday’s Eddie Aikau Invitational is still ringing in the ethers. Everything about it, every shining moment, toed the line of perfection. Waves, waves that scratched the heavens and marched in never ceasing formation through Waimea’s bay. Men and women, heroic in their pursuit of glory, conquering fear and force and wind.

A victor, at the end, worthy of the contest’s namesake.

Was it the best Eddie of all-time? The biggest? Most entertaining? Debates can, and will, rage amongst surf fans, or at least surf fans who dwell outside of the “global home of surfing” where it is as if January 22, 2023 never existed.

Yes, while everyone from the Associated Press to your neighbor down the street was writing, thinking, posting about The Eddie, the World Surf League remained completely mum. No congratulations to the on-duty lifeguard Luke Shepardson on the World Surf League homepage. No Instagram posts or stories praising the valor of Ross Clarke-Jones. Not even a TikTok dance performed in honor of Keala Kennelly dropping from the sky.

Nothing.

And nothing on the personal pages of WSL brass either. SVP of Tours, Head of Competition Jessi Miley-Dyer featured a photo of herself posing with juniors in North County, San Diego. CEO Erik Logan, aptly, a congratulations to himself for being interviewed as part of a new tennis program.

Wild.

And could the hush hush be attributed to simpering jealousy? As Derek Rielly wrote, yesterday, “A little ironic, I suppose, that the ‘best day in surfing history,’ as big-wave world champ Billy Kemper described it, had nothing to do with the WSL, surf brands or even, as the winner was announced on the beach by Clyde Aikau, a professional surfer.”

The machinations of the League both absent and completely unnecessary. At one point during yesterday’s broadcast, some 90,000 souls were logged on and watching. The most I’ve ever seen for a WSL event is lower 20,000 something (not counting millions upon millions who are continuing to tune into the live airing of Final’s Day).

And, so, while the WSL has every right to be embarrassed, looking so embarrassed is… unchill.

Extremely poor sportsmanship.

Boo, WSL.

Boo.