Instagram Wars: Kook-of-the-Day bloodies Wedge Air Mattress Warrior!

Is thrill-lizard Quinn Kasbar an environmental vandal or creator of gorgeous in situ artwork?

Thrill-lizard Quinn Kasbar from Newport Beach, California, has landed himself on the wrong side of popular IG account @kooksoftheday after, apparently, abandoning his famous air mattress  at The Wedge.

In a rare departure from its usual convulsive schadenfreude KOD teed off on Kasbar to its 625,000 fans.

The response, as in typical in these cases where there appears to be some sort of superficial environmental crime, was immediate and furious.

Ill punch him when I see him don’t trip”
“What a d-bag.”
“kook of 2018”
“Pack it out kook”
“Obviously es mum doesn’t give a shit cause she didn’t potty train em”
“His servant is headed down to pick it up. Don’t trip y’all.”
“What a tool. How hard would it have been to just shove it in a damn trash can??”
“@quinnkasbar fucking kook. Ride a surfboard.”
“Fucking clown 🤡”
“Lame ass”
“Fucking Donkey. Pick up your Trash … ppl that litter are literally scum 🤦🏼‍♀️”

An examination of Quinn’s Instagram account reveals a feisty go-getter of upper-middle-class stock who ain’t afraid to throw it, himself, air mattress, whatever, over the precipice.

Here at Todos Santos in Mexico.

A pretty psycho roof-to-pool drop.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOc_mDqDPrs/?hl=en&taken-by=quinnkasbar

And the air mattress at the Wedge.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BK4i9TSjh_p/?hl=en&taken-by=quinnkasbar

What’s the verdict? If Kasbar did leave his mattress on the sand, was it a little souvenir on the beach for his fans? In situ art, the sort the well-heeled of Southern California pay millions for?

Or a long honeymoon dick in the guts for the environment?


Mickey Mouse (pictured) paddling out at Surf Ranch.

Happiest place on earth: Disney exec. takes over Surf Ranch!

We have an incredible platform to engage with passionate surfers!

It truly is a fantastic time to be alive what with global warming/bigger storms/rising ocean levels creating exciting new waves, a World Surf League and various wave pool technologies racing with each other to be the incomparable best. You of course read about Webber’s continued efforts last evening. The WSL, ears ringing, maybe sensing the early dominance of their Surf Ranch slipping away, this morning announced a compelling move certain to cause “waves” on the Gold Coast and in Waco.

And let us go directly to the press release. Let’s not waste anymore precious time.

The World Surf League (WSL) has appointed former Disney executive Nick Franklin as president of its Kelly Slater Wave Company (KSWC) operation.

Key areas of focus for Franklin (pictured) in this role will be driving the growth and development of the business globally, pursuing strategic and operational integration with the WSL and leading the continued innovation and evolution of the product, including the wave, the venues and the customer experience.

Franklin joins the WSL following a long career at the Walt Disney Company. During his 18 years with Disney, Franklin worked in corporate strategy and in the Theme Park and Resort business unit where he led teams across a wide range of functions including global strategy, business development, real estate development, and brand and operations. Following his time at Disney, Franklin served as executive vice-president of strategic operations for KB Home.

Franklin said: “Having got my feet under me in the past few weeks and having a chance to see the capabilities of this superb team, I can see all of the enormous potential and am looking forward to building on the amazing foundation of work that’s been done so far by both the KSWC team and partners at the WSL. With the wave technology, Surf Ranch in Lemoore and the connection to the WSL, we have an incredible platform to engage with passionate surfers and also connect with those new to sport to expand the business.”

Scoring a Disney exec who worked in corporate strategy and the Theme Park and Resort Business unit is very much a a shot across Webber/Waco bows. I have zero doubt that they are scouring LinkdIn for Universal Studios, Knott’s Berry Farm, Magic Mountain exes but it may be too late.

Put one up on the board for Lemoore.


The Webber tank on the GC. DA-approved.

“Epic” wavepool breakthrough: “This is going to fuck everybody up!”

"A lot of crap is going to down the second our pool proves we've got the best tube on earth," says Greg Webber.

Remember the Greg Webber wavepool? Ridiculous distortions, rides as long as behind-the-rock Snapper to Greenmount, Wavegarden being “fucking horrified” when they see it, cheaper than all of ’em and so on?

The Logan City Council just approved the development application for Tunnel Vision Holdings Pty Ltd to build a three hundred metre by two hundred metre tank on ninety-five hectares just off the Pacific Highway between the GC and Brisbane.

All they gotta do now is get a construction certificate and jump a bulldozer.

The pool’s inventor, Greg Webber, says he’s yet to feel any throb of excitement despite his debut pool inching closer.

“Something always seems to pop up,” he says. “Until I see the thing finished, I’ll wait, patiently, for that little moment of joy, of exhilaration.”

A couple of things have got his blood moving, howevs.

First, at Surf Expo on September 8, there’s going to be a “big” announcement, says Greg. BeachGrit believes his USA licensee OCD is gonna to tell the world it’s going to roll out Webber tanks across the country as part of the creation of a National Surfing League™.

But we’ll see.

More exciting, in Greg’s opinion, is his brother Dan’s “wavepool current apparatus” or underwater jets for use in wave pools, the patent filed a couple of weeks ago etc.

“It gives complete and utter control,” says Greg. “There are three elements in how you create a wave in a pool. Number one is whatever you do to create a nice-shaped wave (moving hulls, paddles, plungers etc). Then there’s altering the bottom contour which they tried to do at the Ron Jon surf park. But because water is so powerful the moving plates and machinery were ripped to pieces. Water is tough. It does what the fuck it wants to do. Varying the bottom contours is gone.

“The third element is moving the water in which the wave is breaking. That has the greatest capacity for altering wave shape than all the other factors.”

Man-made rip bowls?

“Yeah, and making currents in different parts of the pool. You can have the ability to hollow the wave radically or make it fat and have it all in a controlled fashion. But also have the ability to write a program that allows for random movements within defined parameters. No two waves are exactly the same in an entire session. No matter how many hours you ride the pool for you could never say you rode the same wave twice. Now, that’s what’s missing from wave pools. It becomes vastly more creative now.”

The jets can also be used, says Greg, to still the water flow.

What’s that mean? No down time while the previous wave’s turbulence sloshes over the side. “This allows my company to double our wave rate from 500 an hour to 1000 an hour in the main body of the pool.”

Greg says the underwater jets and their linked electronic apparatus can be retro-fitted to any pool which, in theory, means you could bolt ’em onto a Surf Ranch or American Wave Machine or Wavegarden.

Theoretically. 

“A lot of crap is going to down the second our pool proves we’ve got the best tube on earth. Then the games will really begin. I’m ready for it. There will be one company eclipses everyone else. Why would you choose a lesser version that can’t control the currents? Why would you spend the same money to have a lot less? It’s like buying a phone that was designed ten years ago? You gotta have everything, internet, a good camera, seriously, that’s how big the difference is going to be.”

 


Opinion: “I wish Montauk had waves!”

It would be the epicenter!

And have you ever been to Montauk or the Hamptons during summertime? Oh it is something to behold. Nantucket Red pants cuffed just so, popped Polo collars, lobster rolls, Jaguars, cocaine, cocaine, pills, cocaine.

Land Rovers.

I have been once though it was many years ago though it was also a famous Hollywood producer or executive producer’s birthday party with many other famous Hollywood producer or executive producer friends in tow with also a wheelbarrow full of male models.

Ooooee but I digress. One of the male models, now caught up in the #metoo scandals, tried to crawl into bed with my wife and me but I digress again.

Cocaine.

Just yesterday the bust of a lifetime happened as Newsday reports:

A monthslong investigation that struck at the “heart” of Montauk’s drug scene resulted in 16 arrests, authorities said on Thursday, as well as the seizure of cash and drugs after working cooks and barbacks sold cocaine, oxycodone and other opioids out of restaurant and bar kitchens.

The drug ring “took advantage of the tourism and commercial activity” during the Montauk summer season and jacked up drug prices by more than double the street value, Suffolk County District Attorney Timothy Sini said at news conference.

“There’s an indication that several of the defendants were coming to work in Montauk specifically to sell drugs,” Sini said, “using their jobs in the service industry as a cover for their narcotics organization.”

It’s a love story (buy here) but can you imagine if Montauk had waves? It would be the most cocaine place on earth.

When I was there with the Hollywood executive/producers and male models I ran into Danny Fuller and the famed Surf Lodge.

What was I writing about again?

Oh yeah. I wish Montauk had waves.


Undermining the hopes of every kid who lives with salt in their hair!

Can Olympic surfing save India?

I am viciously anti-Olympic, as you likely know. My beef is not about the competition itself, I’ll be thrilling right alongside you as Kanoa Igarashi paddles out in calf-high but perfectly groomed runners. No, my problem is with the amount the International Surfing Association will have to bend, twist and contort in order to fit into the Olympic model. The damned thing will be unrecognizable, I think, when Scott and Laird Hamilton reach for their microphones in order to call the action that first Chiba morn.

Fernando Aguerre, ex-Reef boss and the man responsible for Olympic surfing, is myopically focused on his grand goal and I worry he can’t see the forrest for the trees. That he will burn everything that makes surfing good in the service of acceptance.

But this morning I read a story about Indians launching surf hopes. And let us read from The New Indian Express:

There is good news for those interested in pursuing surfing as a career. With the sport set to make its Olympic debut in 2020 in Tokyo, the Surfing Federation of India (SFI) has taken baby steps towards getting the federation recognised by the Indian Olympic Association (IOA).While the sport has always been more of a leisure activity in India, SFI believes that IOA’s recognition will help the body change things. “It’s a challenging task. First, we need to create state associations. We need some strong surfing individuals from different states. We have approached sports lawyer Nandan Kamath from Bengaluru. They have drafted a policy for state associations and we have a road map,” said Ram Mohan Paranjape, vice-president of the SFI.

Ahhhh so cute. The rest of the article talks about how much they are not good BUT by 2024 there is trust that the Indians will be competitive. So what is my problem, standing in the way of a poor subcontinental youth with dreams as big as Rick Kane’s?

Then I remembered the sage words of professional surfing’s co-owner Dirk Ziff.

But don’t pretend you don’t know that when you go beyond constructive criticism and cynically try to rally negative sentiment towards the WSL, when you try to take us down, you are not just going after us. You are going after Kelly Slater. You are trying to take down Lakey Peterson. You are going after the dreams of Caroline Marks and Griffin Colapinto. You are undermining the hopes of every kid who lives with salt in their hair, dreaming of being a world champion one day.

That’s me undermining those hopes. But, and may I speak to the poor subcontinental youth real quick?

Dear Indian child,

Do you like to surf? Then I think it is time for you to pursue it whole-heartedly, destroying the relationships in your life, job prospects, future happiness and Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. You’ll end up even poorer and grumpy and not a world champion (I hope that goes without saying) but you will be part of the tribe.

Love,

Chas Smith

There we go!