Brazilians Medina, Toledo and Ferreira storm to finals in teeny waves at Teahupoo…
Where are you at with the backlash to Ziff’s speech… are you part of the backlash to the backlash?
Feeling sorry for WSL?
I confess when I saw that frothy baby food on offer this morning I couldn’t help think of Richard Yates’ Revolutionary Road. The opening scenes of the novel are a brutal, brutal depiction of bush league batters and their dreams dying on the diamond.
“She was working alone and visibly weakening with every line.”
Cue Surf Ranch ad.
“She had begun to alternate between false theatrical gestures and a white-knuckled immobility… you could see the warmth of humiliation rising in her neck.”
Watching made me ponder whether there was a universe where I could come on over to the Team WSL, transgress completely, just for the sheer thrill of it. If surfing takes its rightful place among the great and elite competitive sports , says Ziff, everyone connected with it will prosper.
I am connected with it. I’ve watched, paid careful attention to more pro surfing than Jehovah himself. Written thousands and thousands of words. Do I not have a legitimate self-interest in pumping up the tyres, in grabbing a slice of the action?
Well, I’m gunna.
Straight after Surf Ranch. I’m thinking of a number, WSL, sufficient to let me spruik Blink 182 full bore, full-blast without gagging.*
Medina looked the hottest pick today, no real change to the forecast or his prospects for victory but before I go full 100% positive sicko mode I just need to clear up two little misconceptions which Coté and Mel have been pumping all comp. Coté kept saying during close losses that hard work will pay off. He said it after Jesse Mendes lost by a tenth of a point to Wade Carmichael. Mendes has been working his arse off. He needs the opposite of a Calvinist approach. Less work, more flair.
Mendes himself had a much more accurate read: “ I guess the judges don’t like my surfing.” A much tougher nut to crack.
Mel continued the innocent fraud by repeating the conventional wisdom that the “talent level keeps rising each and every season.”
I’m afraid your own judging panel disagrees with you. Talent ebbs and flows but you’d be brave or myopic to discount Dane then JJF, Medina in 2011 as great leaps forwards in talent. Many, many one-year rookies and journeymen ground to sausage meat since then. Italo is probably the one exception that proves the rule.
Great and elite competitive sports realise the rarity and the extraordinary value of marquee talents. And there will be a deficit when half the Tour retires at the end of this season. Recycled Aussie rookies will have to do a lot of heavy lifting to raise any kind performance bar if staying on Tour remains the end game.
Today in the course of the coverage I met not one, but two of the mythical unicorns the WSL once counted as “hand raisers” for pro surfing. The no- surfing surfing fan. Well close enough. A Prague local, twenty-something, now living in Sydney. Rides a 7S fish at Bondi. I gave her the screen for the ADS/Igarashi heat. Put it on full-screen and silent so she couldn’t see the scores. Told her to write a number beside every wave then add up the top two for each surfer at the end.
She had Adriano winning by three points. I told her Igarashi won.
“Why,” she said. “How?”
“In the same way we can’t understand quantum physics, we cannot understand pro surfing judging,” I assured her.
On the return journey I got a forty-something naturalised German, aid worker for the UN just back from separating warring tribes in Ethiopia. Sometime surfer. Could name Kelly and the “guy who fought the shark, the albino guy”. He correctly identified, with German precision, Yago Dora as winner against Mikey Wright.
“How did you tell he won?” I asked.
“The scarecrow with the mullet fell off too many times,” he said.
It was noted that Wright offered no handshake to his Brazilian victor.
Did you see Strider find his own version of the unicorn late in the afternoon in the channel in one of the boats? Dangerous blonde here on her own for a month. Looked like someone straight out of a Raymond Chandler novel. Poor old Strider went into full sicko mode himself when he heard she was here alone
“Whoa boys…come on down!” Settle sick boy.
Toledo was dominant on a quad against wildcard Smith in heat six. His equipment has looked a notch above all season.
Mike February won his round four heat to advance to the quarters. I’ll let that sit there, while it sinks in.
And then be a wanker by reckoning I would put even money on me beating him in barrelling four-to-six-foot Teahupoo.
Owen waited for two bombs on a day when they might not come at all. His surfing drew the high pitched yuk-yuk-yuk excited whinny from Barton that showed it was legit.
Medina blew a bomb on his opening strike against Brother and Yago Dora and then relentlessly regained control of the lead with two massive rides. Massive in the context of the day, that is.
The last heat of round four, to finish the day was epic entertainment. A worthy half-hour if you wanted to watch one heat in it’s entirety. J-Flo hula-hooped his way through a blue-hued traveller then burrowed in like a tick to suck the last drops of tube plasma from a tight and technical ride.
Connor O’leary and Italo Ferreira fought a pitched battle to progress. A flurry of rides in the last three minutes decided it. Italo launching a clean reverse then a rotation into the flats onto dry reef to better both scores. Connor answered with power surfing, spray turning golden against a low slung sun. An age passed after the heat as judges reckoned with the rides. You could not imagine our unicorns being able to split them. Italo got the nod. He roared and punched his board with delight.
Brazil remains the dominant pro surfing nation as the sun sets August 17, year of our Lord 2018.
Wait, August 16… it’s yesterday in Tahiti!
*80 Grand, plus super. Paid leave. Company car and phone. Cheap as chips.
Tahiti Pro Round 3 Results:
Heat 1: Michael February (ZAF) 9.66 def. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 4.83
Heat 2: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 12.50 def. Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 5.07
Heat 3: Wade Carmichael (AUS) 9.50 def. Jesse Mendes (BRA) 9.40
Heat 4: Owen Wright (AUS) 14.27 def. Joel Parkinson (AUS) 10.83
Heat 5: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 11.40 def. Adriano De Souza (BRA) 11.17
Heat 6: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 14.66 def. Tikanui Smith (PYF) 6.90
Heat 7: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 14.73 def. Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 13.67
Heat 8: Kolohe Andino (USA) 13.27 def. Frederico Morais (PRT) 12.36
Heat 9: Yago Dora (BRA) 12.90 def. Mikey Wright (AUS) 8.24
Heat 10: Connor O’Leary (AUS) 16.53 def. Michel Bourez (PYF) 11.34
Heat 11: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 13.14 def. Adrian Buchan (AUS) 9.93
Heat 12: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 12.14 def. Ian Gouveia (BRA) 10.34
Tahiti Pro Round 4 Results:
Heat 1: Michael February (ZAF) 14.10, Wade Carmichael (AUS) 12.07, Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 10.97
Heat 2: Owen Wright (AUS) 12.69, Filipe Toledo (BRA), Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 8.26
Heat 3: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 13.67, Kolohe Andino (USA) 10.43, Yago Dora (BRA) 9.50
Heat 4: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 15.24, Italo Ferreira (BRA) 13.10, Connor O’Leary (AUS) 11.34
Tahiti Pro Quarterfinal Matchups:
QF 1: Michael February (ZAF) vs. Filipe Toledo (BRA)
QF 2: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Wade Carmichael (AUS)
QF 3: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Italo Ferreira (BRA)
QF 4: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Kolohe Andino (USA)
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epic longtom, this is about the only thing i have watched of the tahiti pro..sad final to what i thought was an unbreakable wsl fan.
They don’t want a poor profitable country dominates the scene. This is why Jesse Mendes and ADS lost. To a brazo win the difference should be more than 3 points. Medina in trestles 2016 was screwed.
The ‘dream’ tour’s turned into the peanut tour. The only thing the brazzos “dominate” is baby food. Sure, they’ve had some moments of brilliance, but far from “dominating” the ‘scene’ when Teahupoo, Tav, Margies, Pipe are bombing. That rat cunt Gabriel can charge when he’s not crying about something; the others I’m not so sure.
oh guys calm down
Gabriel can charge, Adriano, Alejo, Raoni, Ricardo (may God have him) they all have effectively charged (look back to 2011 Chopes, Code Red, bit more scary than 2014). Ian e Wiggolly are Pipe chargers. You are wrong on your point mom, I’m sorry.
I fear you are also wrong, César. There’s been lots of misjudging. Against brazilians and against other surfers – look at almost every Wilko loss this year for a brief example.
And most clearly: there’s three brs in the top four. WSL is good with that. It’s not a problem
Mmmmm more than half the guys you mentioned aren’t on tour and/or dead, but thanks for clearing things up?
The wsl misjudments are cirurgic. They can spoil The “gringos” too but always has a meaning. The reason is to put a mist arround us and some People get confused with it, “oh They harm not only The brazzos”
Just watch as the season transpires…never will there be a epic swell just 8 foot in under, “and the winner is the 2 foot highly technical grovel champ.”
WSL is a theatre for the masses, Mikey likes it!
Mickey Wright? The sweet little darling?
Deep down I reckon your rooting for the wave pool – is not your social experiment of getting randoms to judge akin to thumbs up thumbs down of the coliseum days.
Your requested package is fair – but what it really gives you is lemming mentality because that is what is required for the system to work, stay poor LT.
Just reading Ken Dryden “The Game” top 10 sports books they reckon.
“The public loses because it feels less worthy than it is; I, because once 23 years old and trying to learn about myself, I wanted to believe I was everything others said I was, or soon would be; instead, older and having learned much, I feel co-consipirator to a fraud.
We are no heroes, We are hockey players. We do exciting sometimes courageous, sometimes ennobling things like heroes do but no more than anyone else does…….But by creating a celebrity and mistaking it for substance, too often we turn celebrity into hero and lose again”
This is the work of the wizard behind the curtain. “Nature is the only teacher” Walter Russell.
Oh goddddd, Revolutionary Road. That thing is so brutal, I just got a full-body shiver even thinking about it.
This question of selling out is one I think about on the regular, because a girl needs to eat, but man, even if the money’s really good it seems kinda soul-crushing on the whole. Making coffee seems easier on the whole.
I can tell you that as I take in the view closing in on 50, that question is still relevant. Choose wisely. It’s a question of degrees and not absolutes as many would have you believe.
Oh, I definitely think it’s a matter of degrees and trade-offs — and in truth, I run my situation along those lines. Tryin’ to keep things in balance, to the extent it’s possible!
Is it the same Revolutionary Road that Leo DiCaprio made a movie out of? It was one of the most tedious things I’ve ever laid eyes on.
I never saw the film….the book is insanely good but insanely depressing.
I’m sure the book was a million times better. It had to be.
It does sound like the kind of book that would be turned into a mediocre movie with DiCaprio, yes.
It’s a truly dreadful book…..so crushing.
Completely. I finished it and threw it across the room.
I read the book and saw the movie and for the life of me I could not tell you what it was about or what happened other than boredom with marriage and suburban life.
Not a lot happens — its the atmospherics that make it crushing.
“Rides a 7S Fish at Bondi” – too many would not understand the insulting nature of that phrase
Nice gal. very smart. Working in Pharma.
Of course. One of my more academic friends joined the uni surf club (free rides to the beach {fuck that though}) – within he met an honours engineer surfing whitewater a la Backward Fin Beth. Clearly intelligent and studied in fluid dynamics…
Just embarrassing ay
I’d like to recommend a Beach Grit article on …
A Grumpy Idiots Guide to WSL Commentary:
What is?
– Layback Hammer
– Man turn
– Pizazz
– Vertical Jam
– Wrap
– Maximising tube time
– PROtected
– Athleets
– Reset on the sled
– Waterman
– Beach vibes
– Speed power flow
– In Memory of Andy Irons
– Little splash time there
– Finishing manoeuvre
– Wave of consequence
– Jam in the pocket
– Back to the power source
– Up and over the foam ball
– Up and out
– Variety of repertoire
– Passion
– Rips one off the coping
– Combo
Et al
if your list was a bit shorter I would have had a crack at answering them but instead I will just select a few I am sure of.
up and out is manoeuvre used while in the act of showing “variety of repertoire” when the husband of your lover comes home from work early. you have to get “up and out” before being able to complete the “finishing manoeuvre”. I am sure you could squeeze passion, PROtected, rips one of the coping and possibly in memory of Andy irons in there some where but I can’t be fucked.
I hope this has helped.
by the way, if you don’t know what a waterman is then you clearly need to read up on Ziff.
Ciel,Mon Mari ! It’s very French .
It’s a tough old sport when you get the highest scoring wave of the day (9.2) , the highest combined heat score ( 16.53 leaving M Bourez in combo land chez lui ) equal best wave in the final heat in rnd 4 ( all these from barrel to turn combos ) yet you only get a mention losing to 2 airs on inside waves in the last 90 secs of the heat ?
Yea – You could see it coming.
Connor, ride a wave ! Ffs. Italo will go big on anything. C’mon buddy.
But nope, he didn’t. And Italo did.
Connor tries. Too little too late.
Connor give yourself an uppercut for that one, mate.
He took off on a wave with 5mins left . Pulled in and it shut down and lost priority which lead to the air waves ( not as tragic as mick v gab at pipe 2015 ) .If Kanoa farts or Phil catches a wave it’s big news . Just wanted to see him get some credit for his stellar performance v Bourez .
ohh – that filthy overscore of gabby at Pipe was brutal. 6.67 iirc.
Even Pottz was stunned by that ! He’d just finished saying that Micks got the heat coz its all about the barrel – about 2 secs later the judges dropped the score …. dead silence in the booth. Joey to the rescue …
Yes that was out of the blue and the first decent score for a turn in that year’s event with 5minutes remaining in a semifinal at pipe with huge world title ramifications . Good job by the judges in this years Tahiti pro ,throwing out big scores for big airs as early as the non elimination round 1 , to make it clear that there are more ways than one way to skin a cat.
video shows mikey shaking yago’s hand tho
Really……? I missed that. I retract that statement then. Looked like M. Wright had bad blood with young Brazilians.
80k? That’s peanuts. Asking for 80 you’ll be lucky to be offered 45, part time-casual and some fuel expenses covered.
You’re worth more. Start at 120. If you got the job today, 120 is where you should be in 3-5 years. Go back and forth. Settle on 80, BUT they make up some shortfall by also throwing in a car and paid leave (4weeks p/a). That combined with super rounds you out closer to a 100.
You’re worth a 100k salary package to them
Fuck off 120 for that job. Free accommo+ bar tab, you get a young keeno with inside access, post heat root stories and without all the faux world weary emotional baggage and bullshit literary references.
You just highlighted where the WSL keeps fucking up. Remember who the ambassador of Stoke was? Yeah, neither do I. We need characters with some personality. Not more vapid shit
thats the genius of hiring “backwards Beth”. no one is going to forget her anytime soon.
Surfing is vapid.
Nothing faux to this world weariness
$100k/year to write about competitive surfing?
Like Dirks gonna miss a 100k a year?
Nice LT.
M Feb, who’d a thunk he could make the quarters ?
There’s hope for everybody.
Exactly. And for the record, I’ve seen the kid in barrelling four to six foot waves, and that was impressive.
Well, he’s made the quarters, so go MFeb !
Why the fuck not ?
Improbable, but hey he’s in with a shot.
there’s hope for anybody
Here’s an idea:
Lets have all WSL contests in wavepools!
Think about it. No need to wait around for swell and…..All the pros will be confined to surfing in exotic places like Waco and Lennore!
The lineups of The world would be so much radder without those guys!!!
Grumpy local?
Realistic local.
Cactus local
Great White Grumpy Local ?
This is the plan… Disneyland!
Pay to play…in the land of the fee!
Just wait tell they dump the radioactive waste and call in the robot 🦈 money chargers making bank.
Enough with the emojis, buddy.
I remember when i looked forward to WSL events…
at least now you can save some time and look forward to the wrap up from LT
I watched 2 hours of WSL today while the kids had an arvo nap. It was epic on a 50″ screen.
Slater and Jon Jon a cut above the rest, Kelly’s no Hands barrel for 9.7 was wayyyy underscored, wsl missed the most technical tube in recent history there.
Occasionally I thumbed heat results from Tahiti on my phone but the 2016 Fiji Pro had my attention, even when you know all the outcomes