Is there no depth to which Stab will not dig? No shred of dignity it will not gladly untie and pitch into the slimiest of gutters? Apparently not for yesterday the subscription surf blog proudly stood up and declared it the “worst day of competitive surfing in 2023.”
The women were sent out into their quarterfinal matchup in complete garbage and the sorry affair needs no recap save to say the new Chief of Sport Jessie Miley-Dyer should apologize to both the surfers and BeachGrit Open Thread: Comment Live community and do so in a heartfelt manner.
But those who live in glass houses…
Stab, let us not forget, was responsible for the absolutely, and I really hate to use this word but, retarded re-imagined Pipe Masters that proudly declared the once second jewel of the Triple Crown as “the world’s best air wave” and trickeration would finally receive its long overdue praise. Air play plus turns plus who even knows what else.
It was a pointless shake and, adding insult to injury, there were no airs of note other than the space left with a number of notable names pulling out and generally rotten waves throughout the entire window.
And while it did, officially, happen in 2022 it was a whole awful event.
Not as bad as yesterday but also like winning a heat with a 3.45 total and claiming it like an out of control Kanoa Igarashi.
Open Thread: Comment Live on the Bracket Round of the Billabong Pro Pipeline where irritating fans is the jackpot!
When did it go wrong? Difficult to say, exactly, but somewhere between Covid and Ben Gravy.
Grumpy locals, from Maine to Monterey, know that the days of old are absolutely over. Adult learners rule most lineups, paddling out all wrong on lousy soft-tops, jibber-jabbering loudly about their tech jobs, misbelieving that “the best surfer in the water is the one having the most fun.”
When did it go wrong? Difficult to say, exactly, but somewhere between Covid and Ben Gravy and now we have clueless hordes going straight even at places as holy as Waimea without anything to be done. Violence has been cancelled and even stern yellings extremely frowned upon. Light social media shaming is the last available weapon and that, friends, ain’t gonna win the war.
The Duke rolling over in his Newport Beach grave.
Well, things are set to get worse.
A San Diego startup has just unveiled a brand new app-based surfboard rack rental system. You know, like those electric scooter stands that popped up in every major metropolis five-ish years ago.
To try out surfing, you need a surfboard. And not everyone has one or can get their hands on one, so there could be some logistical challenges.
That’s part of the reason a surfboard rack app-based rental system was developed. It’s called SurfUp, and it’s hoping to make surfing a little more convenient.
The rental rate is 20-cents a minute. It also includes a few free minutes to account for the time it takes to walk from the rack to the sand, and back again for the return.
There are currently three racks around Pacific Beach though I’d imagine fresh ones are already being shipped to the aforementioned Waimea, Ours, Mullaghmore, Teahupo’o etc.
Notorious love drug ecstasy blamed for Pamela Anderson’s decision to dump Kelly Slater and marry Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee after four-day courtship despite surfer being her great love, “My skin was melting, I was drugged out!”
“I’d never done [ecstasy] before. I didn’t even know he’d put it in my drink!"
In a jaw-dropping interview, Pamela Anderson has revealed it was the notorious party drug ecstasy, famous for turning whomever is in your immediate vicinity into the greatest love of your life, a drug by turns absurd and compelling, for her decision to dump Kelly Slater and marry glam-rocker Tommy Lee.
Anderson, now fifty-five, tied the knot with Lee after he followed her to Cancun, Mexico, after which she says the drummer spiked her champagne with ecstasy.
“I’d never done [ecstasy] before. I didn’t even know he’d put it in my drink,” Anderson said in an interview with Dax Shepard on the Armchair Expert podcast. “My skin was melting, I was drugged out.”
“[Tommy] goes, ‘Do you want to get married? And I go, ‘Absolutely!’”
Anderson, who was supposed to meet Slater’s family in Florida following the shoot, had to call the then twenty-three-year-old two-time world champ and explain why she wouldn’t be swinging by to meet Mama Judy or brothers Stephen and Sean.
“My first phone call was to him to tell him I was married. He was like, ‘What?’ That was horrible.”
Slater, whose every pectoral and abdominal muscle is still clearly defined and who is still in the full rude vigour of perfect health, is a testimony to the long-term benefits of abstinence, as compared to Lee, now sixty, who is a dried-up stick of a guy, neck shivering with turkey wattles, hair died a sad onyx.
Anderson divorced Lee after a DV beat-down for which he was imprisoned and married another five men in her desperate search for a meaningful love, although no one could compare to Slater.
“He was my big love actually,” says Anderson. “He was such a sweetheart to me, and so good to me.”
Those, here, who have been around for a handful of years will certainly recall the near-perfect Beth Greve. Hired as World Surf League Chief of Marketing, or some such as the WSL loves nothing more than made-up titles, Greve was billed as a “purveyor of cool,” and flexed in classic WSL fashion. Interviews about cool, herself, surfing, etc.
As if to confirm everyone’s suspicions, Beth Greve, the W.S.L.’s chief commercial officer, was photographed in Bali lugging a beginner’s board across the beach with the fins put in backward. Backward Fins Beth became famous in surf world—more than half a million views on @kook_of_the_day. And then BeachGrit, an Australian Web site that delights in trolling the W.S.L., blew up the image to billboard size and installed it on a freeway in Lemoore, just in time for the Surf Ranch Pro. The billboard shot zoomed around the surfing Internet.
Slater saw it. He is a tireless online poster, with a rare degree of patience. On his Instagram feed, a magnet for cranks of all kinds, he has spent years debating flat-Earthers, laying out innumerable scientific proofs that the planet is round. He’s a well-informed environmentalist; right-wing flamethrowers rain hellfire on him for that, and he often takes the trouble to reply to them individually. When the Backward Fins Beth billboard went viral, Slater showed a tiny bit of pique. On the BeachGrit Instagram feed, he wrote, “Funny. Cheap. Character Revealing.” The BeachGrit crew was ecstatic. They had successfully trolled the king.
That’s what it was. Chief Commercial Officer but, anyhow, yeah. “Backward Fin Beth” was born then depressingly quit very much too quickly and was lost to history.
For her spirit, it appears, lives in current Chief Executive Officer Erik Logan who, just moments ago on a World Surf League Billabong Pro Pipeline spot, spun kook magic.
Logan, who has not been afraid to dance to the beat of his own surf-adjacent drummer, has not yet stepped all the way right in it.
For in that Billabong Pro Pipeline spot Logan appeared to be unaware that Hawaiian legend Duke Kahanamoku and gun slingin’ actor John Wayne were two different people. The Oklahoman insisted on referring to the aforementioned Kahanamoku, whose full name was Duke Paoa Kahinu Mokoe Hulikohola Kahanamoku, as “The Duke” or the nickname of the other aforementioned Wayne.
Questions surrounding Logan’s actual surf knowledge have percolated for years but this blunder shows he is as clueless as feared. He, for sure, had zero idea that Duke’s name was Duke.
Oh I know he reads, here, and know he wants to try, and, therefore, should really enlist someone to be his surf tutor.