Winning. Photo: WSL
Winning. Photo: WSL

World Surf League chiefs Logan and Miley-Dyer continue historically unprecedented run of giddy self-promotion: “Ruffling feathers and raising record revenue!”

Seismic changes.

Presidents and vice-presidents of sport governing bodies around the world are putting down pens, asking secretaries to hold calls, cancelling all but the most important meetings in order to stop and watch the historically unprecedented run of giddy self promotion coming out of the World Surf League’s Santa Monica offices.

Not since 1985’s WrestleMania has a sport executive been this out front, this “look at me.”

The Word Surf League’s spree is twice as impressive seeing that not one, but two c-suite employees are furiously patting their own backs at record pace.

Chief of Executives Erik Logan took time out of his schedule, days ago, to celebrate his feature in The Sydney Morning Herald titled “Something the sport has never seen’: The former Oprah exec bringing soap opera to surfing.”

“Now 52,” it begins, “(Logan) has led a series of seismic changes to the World Surf League’s (WSL) professional tours as it recovers from the pandemic – ruffling feathers and raising record revenue all with narrative in mind. ‘The growth and the explosion of the sport, with the firepower we have with our surfers, is something that the sport has never seen.'”

Not to be outdone, Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer found time to furiously celebrate herself for being honored at yet another conference.

“Miley-Dyer has received worldwide recognition for her work to progress surfing and women’s sport. Most recently, she was honored as an SBJ Game Changer for her groundbreaking work at the WSL,” she said.

As the personal aggrandizement reaches crescendo, bosses at the NFL, MLB, UEFA, La Liga, et. al. wonder if they too should hire publicists and be everything, everywhere all at once for the good of themselves as Logan and Miley-Dyer’s Instagram followers swell.

Exciting times.

In most candid interview yet, Kelly Slater reveals the secret to eternal youth, the day he lost his entire fortune, Shane Dorian’s fat-phobia and how his bikini mogul girlfriend cured herself of auto-immune disease!

Shocking with facts!

Before long all of us will be old men and women, stinking horribly, spitting into handkerchiefs and muttering the occasional despairing shriek as we await our maker to reveal his golden stairway to heaven.

Therefore it behooves us to treat our bodies as the fragile temple it is, to enjoy, fully, what we have and before we retreat into the terrible darkness.

Kelly Slater, who is fifty-one but whose physical appearance suggests a man twenty years younger, has revealed the diet secrets gleaned from a lifetime of reading and travelling and performing at the pinnacle of a demanding sport.

In an interview with the WSL’s body mechanic Jason Gilbert, who is also in his fifties, Slater talks of sugar spikes, food combining, food crashing, his four-day water fasts, how to die with grace, Shane Dorian’s weight consciousness and his constant fiddling with the fat protuberances around his waist and how his girlfriend, the Chinese-American bikini mogul Kalani Miller cured herself of auto-immune disease by paying close attention to what she eats.

“She learned enough to heal herself through the people we’ve met around the world,” says Slater.

Surf fans relight candles en masse for prophesied Kelly Slater + Gisele Bündchen reunion after Brazilian supermodel publicly vomits on trust fund billionaire Jeffery Soffer!

"OMG he's yucky yucks!"

Days ago, surf fans everywhere snuffed out lit candles and wept bitter tears into lightly cupped hands. The dream was dead and all hope with it. Gisele Bündchen, you see, had been linked with billionaire Jeffrey Soffer and where could Kelly Slater fit in there? Which nook, cranny could he find his way back to glory?

The Brazilian supermodel, as you well know, became divorced from longtime husband, and football great, Tom Brady earlier in the year. Surf fans, while sad on the surface, secretly cheered a potential reunion with the world’s greatest surfer even though he is currently linked to a girlfriend he describes as “Chinese” for many years.

Many twists and turns followed, which you must read here, but all seemed to lead to the grave with the announcement that Bündchen had fallen for a billionaire who boasted daddy’s money plus a string of supermodel exes.


But then, as if a miracle, the Victoria’s Secret angel denied any coupling and declared even the thought of it gross.

Per People Magazine:

Following reports that the model, 42, is dating billionaire Jeffrey Soffer — who also happens to be friends with Bündchen’s ex-husband Tom Brady — she denied it all in her new cover story with Vanity Fair.

“I have zero relationship with him in any way,” Bündchen told the magazine. “He’s Tom’s friend, not my friend.”

Bündchen called the rumors “absurd” and added that she hasn’t even seen Soffer in months and wouldn’t date someone who was friends with her ex. She further clarified that it was insulting for people to imply she was dating the 55-year-old billionaire for his wealth.

“I wouldn’t be with [Brady’s] friend,” Bündchen said of Soffer. “I wouldn’t be with this guy. I mean, puh-leeze. They were saying I’m with this guy, he’s old, because he’s got money—it’s ridiculous.”

One sentiment.

Gentleman, light your candles.

Sister Tyler Wright informing Owen that Pulitzers spring from sadness.
Sister Tyler Wright informing Owen that Pulitzers spring from sadness.

Australia’s finest surfer Owen Wright set to release memoir detailing “gut-wrenching, heroic” journey from brain injury and despair to Olympic glory!

Kleenex time.

The news just keeps getting better for surf fans. Days after the World Surf League announced that Owen Wright, ruthlessly axed from the Championship Tour just last year, would make a grand and glorious return as a wildcard at Bells Beach in order to announce his retirement.

“After my traumatic brain injury in 2015, my desire to prove to myself and the world that I could still be great and overcome this life-threatening incident inspired my recovery,” the blonde thirty-three-year-old said in a WSL statement. “Given my recent history with head injuries and concussions, competing at some of the heaviest waves on the planet is no longer in the best interest of my long-term health.I excelled in these conditions over my career, but the risks associated with this type of surfing are too significant for someone in my position, given my medical history.”

Not a dry eye in the house and certain to be much weeping and sobbing up and down those iconic Bells’ stairs.

As if not wonderful enough, though, it has just been announced that Wright is set to release a memoir titled Against the Water described as “the gut-wrenching, heroic story of how one of Australia’s finest surfers overcame brain injury and despair to win an Olympic medal.”

Per the press release:

Against the Water carries the reader back to Wright’s boyhood in the tiny New South Wales South Coast town of Culburra, where his father, Rob, determined to raise champions, turned family life into a kind of boot camp. While eccentric, the father’s methods bore fruit: the Wrights of Culburra would become Australian surfing royalty. Wright’s story lays bare the complex relationship with his father – the adoration, the fight for independence, the fallings out, the reconciliations, the poignant denouement. It also captures Wright’s life-altering love for Kita Alexander, the beautiful songstress who abandoned a blooming career to help nurse a broken man she’d known for a few short months back to health.

Told in a spare, intimate style, Against the Water is the moving account of an athlete who refused to accept that his best days were behind him. Owen stopped at nothing not only to rebuild his identity but to construct a better one – he’s now a husband, father, dutiful son and an Olympic medallist in a sport whose spirit courses through his veins. Against the Water also raises fundamental questions around family and competition. What, ultimately, is our duty to our children? At what point does bravery become folly? How much should we sacrifice for the sake of another? Once read, Wright’s story will not be forgotten.

What do you think re. the question about duty to children? Also, the one about bravery and folly?

It does not appear that Wright used a ghostwriter making the spare, intimate style all the more impressive.

Sleepless nights until the drop.

Buy here.

"Well, boys, I gotta go with Daisy."

International sport further isolates surfing’s pro-trans stance following shock decision to ban she-males from all athletic events, “The integrity of the female category in athletics is paramount”

“Fairness before inclusion”

Lovers of she-dick, succulent or fetid, friendliest red or angriest purple, active or no, will have, like most of us, recoiled with shock this morning at news The World Athletics Council had voted to ban transgender women from participating in women’s international track and field competitions citing “fairness before inclusion”.

From March 31, any transgender athlete who’s swung through male puberty won’t be getting a start in any gal’s events.

World Athletics Council President Sebastian Coe said the decision was “guided by the overarching need to protect the female category…we believe the integrity of the female category in athletics is paramount.”

World Swimming did the same thing last year.

The decision has isolated the pro-trans World Surf League who welcomed trannies into the women’s div so long as they’ve been a gal for at least twelve months and their hormone levels are real low, although the WSL said it wouldn’t be doing the testing, each athlete suppling their own supporting documents.

In a surprise twist, the controversy adverse WSL had made the decision despite furious opposition from some of the biggest names in the sport including Bethany Hamilton and Kelly Slater.

Hamilton sparked wild debate, both for and against the rule change, when she recorded a piece to camera damning the decision and agreed with Slater who called for a trans-only div, and said she’d boycott events if it went ahead.

The WSL did have the last laugh, howevs, when surfers were apparently banned from celebrating the inspirational shark attack survivor, recently lauded as the fourth greatest surfer in history, on the back of their contest jerseys at the recent Portugal Pro.

As Chas Smith, who was following the story, wrote one week ago,

Even though WSL Chief of Exective Erik Logan said he “respected her views,” her name was mysteriously missing from the long list on celebrated women even though it had been chosen three times the year before.

And now the pettiness has been confirmed. One of the Championship Tour surfers, on the men’s side, requested to wear “Hamilton” but was told he was not allowed. The reason given?

“She doesn’t support the WSL and she doesn’t support equality.”

Where doth you stand?

Fairness or inclusion?

And a question that is doing the rounds on Twitter right now: whom would you rather put to the sword, a biological woman who rates a one out of ten, Hillary Clinton for argument’s sake, or a she-male that’s an easy ten, Daisy Taylor let’s say.