GOAT roast.

Our dear JP Currie, it appears, is out of range on his glorious sojourn to the wild bits and unable to provide the day’s wrap we so desperately require. For how can footing be found, in our lives, when we don’t know what we should think about Jack Robinson becoming undone by Xavier “Cliff” Huxtable. What we should feel about another early exit for Kolohe Andino, all that promise likely getting bounced off tour.

The surf, if it can be described as thus, was not good.

Biggish, sloppy, grey.

The sort of business that only the absolutely surf-crazed would willingly paddle into.

Zeke Lau will be following Andino out the door.

And Kelly Slater.

The world’s greatest surfer was brought low by Japan’s Kanoa Igarashi after surviving the elimination round. The affair was absurdly uninspiring but what other way was this going to go? Slater retiring with dignity after his Pro Pipeline victory last year? No, the “world’s greatest…” sportsmen rarely know when to go. Slater even dreamed of an Olympic run, but a few weeks ago. In truth, professional surfing should kick its own buttocks if it can’t sort out a way for that to happen. The Floridian struggling in bumpy lumps is dull and sad. Him threading Teahupoo’s guts, though, is still magic.

It’s funny, I suppose, that what could have kept Slater surfing on tour for at least a few more years would have been quality waves.

Cloudbreak etc.

THE MOMENTUM IS REAL.

But what were your thoughts on the “bracket round?” What do you hope to see in the upcoming round of 16?

Excited to see Ethan Ewing ring the bell or lightly underwhelmed, again, by the “oldest surf contest in the world?”

Public warned to stay out of water.

Misfortune struck early Easter Sunday morning off Honolulu when a 58-year-old surfer was hit by an eight-foot tiger shark. The unidentified male was surfing near Kewalo Basin, just north of Ala Moana, at 7 am when the beast took a bite out of his right leg.

According to the Honolulu Emergency Medical Services, “life saving” first-aid was administered on the beach before the man was rushed to the nearby hospital where he remains in critical condition.

Nearby surfers were also said to have stopped the bleeding by fashioning a tourniquet.

Authorities stated that after the attack, the shark returned and was acting aggressively.

EMS spokesperson Shayne Enright said, “Honolulu Ocean Safety will continue to patrol the waters off of Kewalo Basin and Ala Moana after this morning´s shark bite. Lifeguards posted signs in the area.”

It seems like it has been a minute since tigers were front and center, dominating the stage of terror. The bulls of Reunion and great white apocalypse from a few years back had relegated the striped predator to almost afterthought.

Not anymore, I suppose.

Watch the moment here.