Internet troll check-mates Kelly Slater in war of words hours before champ is bundled out of own event, “You’re praising him but is he replying to you? I was a f*#king c#*nt and got two comments from the GOAT himself!”

“Truly sorry if that hurt your feelings. Now go reply to the guys praising you, you’re leaving them hanging while giving me two comments."

Only hours before Kelly Slater was bundled out of the Surf Ranch Pro, running today and tomorrow at the wave-making machine he helped create, the Champ ignored his legions of fans to engage with an online troll. 

Slater, who is fifty-one, ain’t one to back down from an online skirmish, instances too numbers to list or link but my favourite and the most enduring, I think, is when he hit back at an historically inaccurate troll who claimed US military involvement always ended in failure. 

(Slater had jokingly suggested the US Navy sink 260 Chinese fishing boats in the Galapagos Islands.)

“You would be the type of fool to advocate for military violence and US involvement overseas,” wrote the troll. “The US needs to stop fucking policing the world. Getting the military involved has never helped anything it’s always the same people who end up hurting and having to pay for it.”

Slater’s riposte.

“Fuck off. It’s a joke, albeit a serious topic. I’m currently and always have been anti war. I’m also pro environment and wildlife. And I don’t really give a shit to talk to you or hear your opinion so fuck off.”

And, after back and forthing, 

“Writing me out of the blue talking shit is such a crock of shit. Accusing me of being a racist? My girlfriend is Chinese. You’re on glue. You’re a miserable coward. And now you’re blocked.”

Anyway, shortly before the start of the Surf Ranch Pro the WSL posted a reel of Slater talking about boards, riding his wave etc. 

 

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One man expressed his belief that the underperforming Champ had “stolen” a Surf Ranch Pro wildcard. The comment was quickly deleted, but not before Slater had personally jumped into the melee. 

“@brukuns Wow”

And, 

“@brukuns people feel safe showing their subconscious and worst qualities online.” 

Later, @brukuns was back in the comments replying to gloating Slater fans. 

“At least I Kelly talked to me. Hahahahaha.”

 And,

“I’m not angry. I saw the opportunity for a bad taste joke and I took it. Now hear me out, here you are praising him, is he replying to you? I was a fucking cunt and got 2 comments from the goat himself. 2! Think about this.”

Followed by a personal message to the Champ,

“@kellyslater I was reading my comment again to realize what was the worst part about it and I figured it out. I said ‘stealing’. That was not cool, you didn’t steal the wildcard, it was given to you. Truly sorry if that hurt your feelings, no joke. But you don’t know me one bit, don’t judge me by a single stupid random comment. Now go reply to some of the guys praising you, you’re leaving them hanging while giving me 2 comments, not fair to them. Now go do goat things. Sorry again.”

Heady times.