Big-wave legend Dylan Longbottom just released from ICU after being “impaled” at Australia’s heaviest wave reveals “I was drowning in my own blood!”

"I was sent straight to the trauma ward. My ribs were badly broken, one lung was partially collapsed, the other wasn't working."

Last Saturday, the shaper and former pro Dylan Longbottom was gifted a front-row seat to his mortality after being driven chest-first into a limestone pinnacle at a wave he, and others, describe as the heaviest in Australia. 

Longbottom, who is forty-nine, is, or at least was, on a slab-hunting tour of the world with his preternaturally talented twenty-year-old daughter Summa. A few weeks back they were at Shipsterns in Tasmania, which was followed by Victoria and, last week, a detour to South Australia.

It was Dylan’s hard-charging brother Daz, who busted his neck on an Indo trip fifteen years ago and wound up in a chair, who let me know his little bro was in hozzy.

So I call Dylan, who’s in fine spirits, despite being surrounded by people in ICU who’ll never make it out of hospital alive, to hear his wild story.

“Well, first,” he says, “it was a big day. Huge period. Eighteen seconds. The biggest slabs. The gnarliest slab in Australia. I was with Kip Caddy, Nathan Florence and (Moroccan big-waver) Jerome Sahyoun and they all agreed. It was six-to-ten feet, some twelve, maybe fifteen-footers. I towed Jerome into a bunch, then Noa Deane and Harry Bryant who were down there. Then it was my turn. I got one and it turned into a mutant. I was already committed, I had my line, going for it, and it gurgled out and I fell right at the bottom. Worst spot. On the biggest wave of the day. I got sucked over the falls and then first impact I didn’t hit but on the second impact I got impaled on a limestone pinnacle. It’s not flat there, it’s like Pipeline. I landed right on my chest and, through my impact suit, I blew out my ribcage and punctured my lung. I didn’t know, I was just out of breath. I was… struggling… for breath and in a world of pain. Kip and Jerome came and saved me. That was it, one and done.”

Even so, Dylan didn’t wanna end the sesh and it was only an intervention from Sahyoun that kept him out of the water. The sight of her old boy on the sidelines wheezing didn’t deter his little gal Summa who told him, “I’ll be sweet Dad”,  but Sayhoun told her, “You’re not surfing today.” 

Blown lung, ribs shattered. What’d Dylan do? Busted the necks of a few coldies and gulped a handful of the anti-inflammatory Nurofen he found in a kitchen draw at their rental. 

“You’d never know he was so injured,” says the filmmaker Tim Bonython, “After the wipeout the painkillers and beers were  making him feel okay.” 

That night, he “woke up in a world of pain. I struggled. I took my painkillers, had a few more beers” and sat in a lounge chair until dawn when they went back to the wave and Summer got her desired bombs. 

What followed was an overnight twelve-hour drive to the South Australian capital Adelaide, which included a brief chase by the cops with Moroccan Sahyoun unsure of what to do when police lights are flashed, and a two-hour flight to Sydney.

Dylan’s been belted around in big waves before so he knows injuries. And he figured, busted ribs, maybe a cracked sternum, nothing a doctor can do, just gotta ride it out.

Still, he went to his local GP who sent him for x-rays where the extent of his injuries were revealed.

“I was sent straight to the trauma ward, my ribs were badly broken like in a car crash, and tubes were put in my lungs to drain ’em. One lung was partially collapsed, the other wasn’t working. Doc said I was lucky to survive the flight ’cause of the pressure. I could’ve gone into cardiac arrest.”

After surgery on Friday, Dylan spent the weekend in ICU but today he’s been released to recuperate at home, two months or thereabouts out of the water, but he reckons he’ll be able to shape, slowly, maybe two sleds a day.

The obvious question to ask, I suppose, is if this can happen to him, does he worry about his kid pushing not only her own limits but the boundaries of the sport?

“It’s heavy, bro,” he says. “It’s worrying but then it’s rewarding at the same thing. It’s hard to explain. People ask me, how do you do it, but the week before this, we were at Shipsterns and she got the craziest one and she was actually smiling while she was on the wave. She loves it. She has no fear. I always try to drop her right on the edge, not too deep, not in a bad zone and I get her in early. But she’s been doing it for a long time now, she surfed Nazaré when she was thirteen. She knows how to take a beating. She’s the only girl chasing class. She towed Teahupoo three weeks ago on a big swell.”

Summa taking on evil-looking Shippies on her backhand. Photo: Bonython
“She loves it. She has no fear. She’s been doing it for a long time now, she surfed Nazaré when she was thirteen. She knows how to take a beating.” Photo: Bonython

Still, a daddy is a daddy.

“It’s your daughter and you don’t want anything to go wrong but at the same time when you see how much enjoyment and fulfilment she gets from her adventuring it’s so good. It’s living life to the max and you’re doing with your daughter. She loves it and I love it. We’re going on adventures around the world, and it’s not just about the waves, the ride’s the bonus, but having fun in between. It’s the best time.”

Blue marlin fishing tournament ends in fiery World Surf League-esque judging controversy after winning fish deemed to have been “mutilated” by shark!

Wild times.

The World Surf League has fallen to an entirely low ebb of respectability. A governing body that champions equality yet greedily laps up autocratic anti-lesbian dollars. An authority that adores environmentalist yet parsimoniously digs carbon powered wave pools in petro kingdom deserts which also happen to be extremely anti-lesbian.

Craven to the max though, in certain corners, the actual running of professional surfing competitions, judging etc., is the most ludicrously bad part.


Difficult to say, exactly, but its stumbles, its mistakes, make controversies in other fringe sporting communities seem positively tame.

But let us turn our attention to professional blue marlin fishing and the just-wrapped Big Rock Blue Marlin Tournament in North Carolina’s Morehead City in which a boat named Sensation caught a 619-pound fish for the win, hundreds of pounds over the nearest competitor.

And yet, as if the captain was Brazilian, was disqualified.

Organizers released a statement reading:

After careful deliberation and discussions between the Big Rock Rules Committee and Board of Directors with biologists from both NC State CMAST (Center for Marine Sciences and Technology) and NC Marine Fisheries biologists as well as an IGFA (International Game Fish Association) official, it was determined that SENSATIONS 619.4lb Blue Marlin is disqualified due to mutilation caused by a shark or other marine animal. It was deemed that the fish was mutilated before it was landed or boated and there for it was disqualified. The Big Rock Blue Marlin Tournament follows IGFA rules regarding mutilated fish as outlined in Rule #23 in the Big Rock Official Rules. IGFA rules state that the following situation will disqualify a fish: ‘Mutilation to the fish, prior to landing or boating the catch, caused by sharks, other fish, mammals or propellers that remove or penetrate the flesh.

The boat Sushi was declared the winner, like Griffin Colapinto, with its 484.5 pound bit of mercury-laden flesh, and won $2.77 million.


$2.77 million?

Has Gisele Bündchen ever dated a fisherperson?

More as the story develops.

The moment Ocean Ramsey nearly climbed in old pal Queen Nikki's mouth. | Photo: @oceanramsey

Netflix crew attacked by frenzied tiger sharks in Hawaii, “It was like something out of Jaws. They leapt at the boat and bit huge holes…The whole boat exploded! It was horrific”

“This ’v’ of water came streaming towards us and this tiger shark leapt at the boat and bit huge holes in it."

Almost an ironic end, I suppose, for a film crew shooting the latest instalment of Only Planet, the four-part documentary series narrated by the great biologist Davey Attenborough, still kicking, remarkably, at almost one hundred. 

The Netflix crew were set upon by two fifteen-foot tiger sharks while filming in Laysan, one of the northwestern Hawaiian islands and almost one thousand miles from Honolulu.

“This ’v’ of water came streaming towards us and this tiger shark leapt at the boat and bit huge holes in it,” the nature show’s director Toby Nowland told the Radio Times. “The whole boat exploded. We were trying to get it away and it wasn’t having any of it. It was horrific. That was the second shark that day to attack us.”

The little inflatable boats the crew were using to film from had just enough air left in ‘em to get back to the beach. 

“They were incredibly hungry, so there might not have been enough natural food and they were just trying anything they came across in the water,” said Nowland. 

The original plan was to shoot the tigers from underwater but, as series producer Huw Cordey told Forbes, “It was like something out of Jaws. The crew was panicked, and basically made an emergency landing on the sand.”

Tigers have been getting wild in Hawaii over the past few years, with four attacks so far in 2023 including a surfer whose right foot was bitten off and the death of a snorkeler from Washington State in December.

Not all encounters with tigers end in catastrophic injury.

You must remember the moment last November when marine biologist Ocean Ramsey almost climbed into the mouth of a feisty tiger. The optics, as they say, were spectacular though the risk of injury, as it turned out, was low. 

“I was actually overjoyed to see her, especially that particular individual shark. We call her Queen Nikki and I have grown up with her, we were teenagers at the same time,” Ramsey said at the time. “We have had so many beautiful interactions with her over the years and sharks are so important. They are wild animals. They are apex predators, but they’re not monsters.” 



World Surf League CEO Erik Logan emerges from hiding after unprecedented absence, proceeds to mock “International Surfing Day!”

"No one person or group of people are above the integrity of the sport."

The World Surf League’s chief executive Erik Logan is back. Exactly twenty-two days ago, the Oklahoman was caught up in the ire of surf fans everywhere, but especially Brazil, after three former champions, each coincidentally from Brazil, declared that judging, on the Championship Tour, had become a confused mess.

Logan decided the the best course of action would be to deliver a scathing paternalistic open letter that began, “I want to address the conversation that happened in our community following the recent Championship Tour event at the Surf Ranch. As you likely know, a small number of athletes made statements questioning the judging of the competition and the final results,” before continuing, “I want to respond directly to those statements, however, we first need to address a much more important issue. In recent days, a number of surfers, WSL judges, and employees have been subject to harassment, intimidation, and threats of violence, including death threats, as a direct result of those statements. Those things should never happen in our sport or any sport, and we’re devastated that members of our community have been subject to them. It is an important reminder to us all that words have consequences. We hope the entire WSL community stands with us in rejecting all forms of harassment and intimidation.”

It went on to say, “In terms of the statements made, we completely reject the suggestion that the judging of our competitions is in any way unfair or biased. These claims are not supported by any evidence. Firstly, the judging criteria are provided to the athletes ahead of each competition. All athletes competing at the Surf Ranch Pro received these materials on May 20th. Every athlete had the opportunity to ask questions about the criteria at that time. None of the athletes who made these statements took advantage of this opportunity at the Surf Ranch Pro. Secondly, our rules allow any athlete to review the scoring of any wave, with the judges, and receive a more detailed explanation of how they were scored with the judges. This process has been in place for a number of years, and is the direct result of working with the surfers to bring more transparency to the judging process. It is not acceptable, and is a breach of league policy, for surfers to choose not to engage with the proper process and instead air grievances on social media. A number of athletes at the Surf Ranch Pro received points for elements such as progression and variety, so it is simply incorrect to suggest these are not taken into account in the judging criteria. Furthermore, our rules have been applied consistently throughout the season, including at events this season that were won by athletes who are now questioning those same rules.Surfing is an ever-evolving, subjective sport and we welcome a robust debate around the progression of our sport and the criteria used to judge our competitions. However, it is unacceptable for any athlete to question the integrity of our judges who, like our surfers, are elite professionals,” and concluded with, “No one person or group of people are above the integrity of the sport.”

It was not well received, surf fans flooded the former Oprah Winfrey studio boss’s usually blaring Instagram page with many harsh words and Logan fled from view.

He stayed hidden in the lead up to the next event, the Surf City El Salvador Pro. He stayed hidden surfing the event. He stayed hidden after the event as new charges of ridiculous judging were lobbed.

But he is back now.

In an ill-considered “story,” Logan can be seen bogging rail, possibly on a SUP, in celebration of International Surfing Day. A move akin to wearing a White Lives Matter t-shirt at a Black Lives Matter protest. “Hope you got out to celebrate the only way we know how,” he added.

World Shame League.

Lil Wayne, a legend in the surf mag game, former Tracks editor etc.

Legendary surf journalist dragged from car in wild unprovoked assault by teen gang as “other motorists parked at the rest stop ignored his screams for help during the terrifying attack”

“There was a guy watching but he told me later he was too fearful to get out of his van”

The former Tracks editor turned PR face off the Yeppoon wave pool Wayne Dart has described a wild ol night after he’d stopped to sleep in his car on the run from Sydney to the pool in Central Queensland. 

Dart, who is fifty-four and who has a decent sorta striking game after twenty years of belting cunts in Muay Thai, had parked at a rest stop near Moree in Northern NSW and was about to go to sleep when his door was ripped open. 

“These guys had driven into the rest area and were trying to open vehicles that were parked there,” Dart told the Courier-Mail. “One guy ripped my door open and yelled back to his mates, and it was on. As I was yelling at them, two of them grabbed me out of the vehicle and I landed on the road on my face. I was yelling out ‘help’ at the top of my lungs to other people in the rest area and swinging (punches) as much as I could. At one point, I grabbed a flipper to defend myself against what I believed was a knife they were carrying.

Darty, lightly touched up by the thugs.

“I was fighting four of them at once while the other one was going through the car looking for my keys, wallet and phone – whatever they could lay their hands on.

“The guy was yelling out ‘I can’t find anything’ and his mates were going ‘keep looking’. Not one person in the rest area came to help – there was a guy that was watching but he told me later he was too fearful to get out of his van – so I was on my own.

“I managed to turn the tables on them a bit and they started to get on the back foot, realising I wasn’t going to stop fighting. They tried to get me on the ground but I wasn’t going down because I knew I’d be in all sorts (of strife). Once I got a couple of punches into one of the bigger guys, they started to panic a bit. I assume not many people fight back, but I did.”

Eventually, Dart fought ‘em off, even serving a little hot curry of his own. 

“I ripped the car door open and was punching and kicking the driver and doing everything possible to stop him leaving, and the same with another guy who got into the back. By this stage, I was in a worked-up rage and they panicked so much they accidentally left one of their mates behind. I went straight up to him and had hold of him and they reversed the car back to get him.”

Police arrived soon after and arrested the gang, five kids aged between fourteen and eighteen, using road spikes. (Cops allege the pack had ripped off a VW SUV earlier in the night and during a wild car chase had driven “directly” at cops.)

Dart ain’t happy as you might imagine. 

“The legal system just seems to be a revolving door where you’ve got these constant repeat offenders, in and out of jail. You’ve got these young hoons becoming increasingly violent, with no fear of rebuttal for their lawlessness and no knowledge of how to be a decent community-focused human.They seem to be doing it for sport, for the thrill of the theft more than anything. They only got away with my mobile phone and they chucked it into some bushes about 200m from the rest stop.”