"While I don’t have a girlfriend myself, I can confirm no such thing happened to those in attendance during the watching of this film."
The oxygen has been sucked out of the surf world, overnight, as two roommates engaged in a “provocative man fight” during the currently underway U.S. Open of Surfing. Once-proud Surfer Magazine’s AI bot declared the event as “deep, profoundly sex sex.” Sam George, writing for The Inertia, stated, “They obviously haven’t spent much time surfing Steamer Lane.”
And yet.
A premium subscription surf website appeared to “cut through the noise” by reminding the world that it has precisely zero female readers. Two months ago, Stab ran a story on Tyler Wright’s horror cycle.
It’s hard when you put so much work into something, you feel great and then you have a period so horrible it hospitalises you 3 days out from an event,” the two-time world champion wrote on Instagram. “Competing after those 3 days of being mostly bedridden and unable to eat was the harsh reality of navigating my period while meeting requirements in my professional career. At times it’s deflating physically and emotionally, feeling like you have no say in it. Managing my period has been a journey. I’ve come along way from my teen years, not even knowing it wasn’t normal to suffer monthly excruciating pain that would lead to passing out, vomiting and hours on the toilet. These days my period management looks like a customised training program based around the 4 menstrual stages, listening and planning carefully for what my body needs – even if that means less time practicing in the water before comps, prioritising sleep and recovery leading up to my period and being aware this is the time I am at highest risk of injury. At this stage in my life I am also heavily reliant on painkillers while I menstruate. They aren’t ideal but my other option is to have surgery to try find and fix the reason for these debilitating periods. The surgery isn’t a guaranteed solution and I would have to take time off from competing as well as rebuilding.”
Stab decided to reframe the important issue as one of men battling back pain in the searing “Surfers vs. Menopause.”
Now, in glowing review of onetime surf brand Quiksilver’s new film, Stab, minus girl or even girlfriend, declares it “passes the test.
Per Christian Bowcutt:
This passes the girlfriend test. Ironically, the ones least invested in surf culture often make its best critics. Unlike you they aren’t oogling over the planing hulls of Ryan Burch pickleforks as they slice down a Mexican point – they’re one dull clip away from hoping back on depop – While I don’t have a girlfriend myself, I can confirm no such thing happened to those in attendance during the watching of this film. It’s tight from start to finish.
Quiksilver, days ago, officially cut making any product. No shirts, no trunks, no nothing. The mountain and the wave will merely be slapped on whatever product and voila, pure licensing. More on that later.
Questions remain, though, about how much the writer was pickleforking non-girlfriends in the audience with his eyes.
An accurate read?
Stab directly contributing to the the surf’s demise aside, when was the last time you employed “the girlfriend test?”
Did it work?
This story number 4984 has been brought to you by Reddit which would like to remind you that it hosts the second largest incel community online.
Hey everyone, sorry to barge in. I am not in the surfer world. I am just a guy who loves to watch documentaries of all sorts. I stumbled on this on Amazon Prime, and after watching all episodes, did a little research, which let me to this scathing review by Jen. I fully realize that Jen’s review is tilted towards the 0.1% community that comprises the surfers of the US population. To the other 99.99% of us including me, Jen’s review is way, way off base.
The review is overall petty, if not vindictive towards one individual (whom I don’t know anything about). Never mentioned in Jen’s review is that this documentary is executive=produced by Reece Witherspoon, who is known and acclaimed to champion women’s rights and claims. Jen’s review laments the fact this documentary now focuses on competitions, when in fact this is what drew me in as a casual viewer. (I have not seen the earlier Surfer Girls Kaikaina.) Jen’s review also laments that it loses focus of the Hawaiian culture, when in fact what I saw was a LOT of attention to the Hawaiian background and culture of these ladies. Oh by the way, this documentary is currently rate 100% Certified Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. Just sayin’
I can only hope that Amazon will greenlight a new season of this. I am so impressed with these Hawaiian surfer ladies and can’t wait to see where they go from here.
If anyone wants to respond to this, my email is [email protected]
Quiksilver is still alive?
As a brand?
Like a surf brand?
And they make movies?
This isn’t 2005. Stop with the lies.
Anyway, that balls on balls graphic was too much. That’s been in your pocket for a minute. Keep your wet dreams to yourselves–please. It looks like identical twins. Seriously. Your kink is on max today.
In other news, BeachGrit literally rocked the nation with news that dudes love surf more than girls. First brought to you as not-so-shocking info back in 1963, BeachGrit has confirmed that this phenomenon continues to this day.
Competitive surf tried to kill surf. Who would watch it all day? OMG. No. I would surf all day, sure. Maybe watch some pros at it for like a penultimate annual surf world series. But not one called the US Open because that is dumb. Watching it for more than like 20 minutes on the regular is kind of paint crawl for me. You people are robots, I swear.
Oh and there’s a double “the” before your writer declared surf dead.
Smooches
Qwiksilver has always been a surf culture ripoff. It never supports American surf events, just like loser
Feel like Julion Wilsan should have stayed with quik
‘It’s news Jim, just not as we know it’. Quiksilver, Rest in pieces, you deserve it. Chas, you’re such a rebel – click.
non sequitar (non)
https://linkiest.com/wp-con…
up next: does Stab Highway even pass the Bechdel test?
Compare Mikey’s surfing here or any clip really with his heats on the CT. Perfect example of someone surfing down to their shit criteria and standards. He’s better off and so are we.
The only true way that can impress the internet with your 5000 post Chas is-
1 attack bg , quit and offering slandering comments about Derek , jensee and surfaids while casting suspect sexual insult on all who comments in the blog.
2 get arrested sitting fire to Kelly statue in Florida, hey it’s already hot over there.
3 admit Nick Carroll has tried to hit on your arse # me too ( it’s all part of joining the surf lifesaving) put your cap on boy and pull your speedos up your arse so it looks like a thong.
Now March around and I’ll judge you!
Never heard Laird complain about his period?
Fuckin hell you whiny sooks are triggered by Tyler.
Her commentary is not for you. It’s for other young girls struggling with similar. If you weren’t an incel you might have had a girlfriend with similar and have a little empathy.
As for Tyler outing Elo, why does it fall on her? There are countless others who knew what he was up to, including the writer of this story who didn’t have the gumption to write about until Elo was fired.
Tyla should just get on a centrifuge like they put astronauts in. All gone about 15 minutes.
stop by a Jiffy Lube and change her fluids?
Tyler is gay and as such has no need of contraception; likely the reason she has never seen a doctor to sort out her ailing uterus.
Hey Chas. I’ve found story 4985 for you – https://www.givemesport.com…
Show me what you got. It’s a gimmie really.
And no, won’t be chasing royalties. Play on.
sorrry! lost…reality…Tom Green suxk;a cow-nipple on sore breasts! GOAT!
You notice they call it MENopause.
Because Men get to pause their sex lives so that wives can convince them that celibacy doesn’t have to be temporary and men discover porn at ripe old age, no I’m not talking about me, but don’t you guys find Emily Willis fascinating?
I blame my Pops who never mentioned this inevitability.
Before you ladies (i assume Tyler’s reading) tear me to bits, I think Lena Anderson is very likeable too.
Honorable mention to Janice Griffith how can I forget your iconic place in this genre? Apologies accepted I’ll assume.
Just put a towel on the sheets and have at it, problem solved.
Or just go down and wear the dolmio grin
imagine with jon (non) and his mom…
The whole story: endometriosis is where cells that usually grow in the uterus grow in other parts of the body (usually around the ovaries). As you clearly know, ‘normal’ period pain includes cramps, headaches, clotting, diarrhoea and headaches as the lining off the uterus builds up and then sheds (this is the bleeding you’re obviously familiar with). For women with endo, this build up of cells and shedding isn’t contained within the uterus so as the cells break down, there is often significant bleeding within the pelvis leading to chronic pain, inflammation and scarring.
Many women with endo have pelvic pain even when they aren’t menstruating due to these excess cells. Endo is also associated with ovarian cysts which are also incredibly painful. So, there you go. The ‘bleeding snatch’ story you asked for and, as you may be able to tell, not something that is simply solved by taking birth control.
Unlike you, which could have been…
His father should been satisfied with the blowjob.
Shes a
Miserable liberal.
It ryhmes so it must be true.
You can be so poetic
No one gives you that credit, bex
lee ann
rimes
man~
Repeater is well worth a watch. Very good surfing, very well edited, very sick soundtrack.
Mikey Wright. Love his surfing. Full throttle all the time.
The euro stuff was good
I can’t wait, only 16 more and we get to find out what really happened to ELO! #countdown5000