"While I don’t have a girlfriend myself, I can confirm no such thing happened to those in attendance during the watching of this film."
The oxygen has been sucked out of the surf world, overnight, as two roommates engaged in a “provocative man fight” during the currently underway U.S. Open of Surfing. Once-proud Surfer Magazine’s AI bot declared the event as “deep, profoundly sex sex.” Sam George, writing for The Inertia, stated, “They obviously haven’t spent much time surfing Steamer Lane.”
And yet.
A premium subscription surf website appeared to “cut through the noise” by reminding the world that it has precisely zero female readers. Two months ago, Stab ran a story on Tyler Wright’s horror cycle.
It’s hard when you put so much work into something, you feel great and then you have a period so horrible it hospitalises you 3 days out from an event,” the two-time world champion wrote on Instagram. “Competing after those 3 days of being mostly bedridden and unable to eat was the harsh reality of navigating my period while meeting requirements in my professional career. At times it’s deflating physically and emotionally, feeling like you have no say in it. Managing my period has been a journey. I’ve come along way from my teen years, not even knowing it wasn’t normal to suffer monthly excruciating pain that would lead to passing out, vomiting and hours on the toilet. These days my period management looks like a customised training program based around the 4 menstrual stages, listening and planning carefully for what my body needs – even if that means less time practicing in the water before comps, prioritising sleep and recovery leading up to my period and being aware this is the time I am at highest risk of injury. At this stage in my life I am also heavily reliant on painkillers while I menstruate. They aren’t ideal but my other option is to have surgery to try find and fix the reason for these debilitating periods. The surgery isn’t a guaranteed solution and I would have to take time off from competing as well as rebuilding.”
Stab decided to reframe the important issue as one of men battling back pain in the searing “Surfers vs. Menopause.”
Now, in glowing review of onetime surf brand Quiksilver’s new film, Stab, minus girl or even girlfriend, declares it “passes the test.”
Per Christian Bowcutt:
This passes the girlfriend test. Ironically, the ones least invested in surf culture often make its best critics. Unlike you they aren’t oogling over the planing hulls of Ryan Burch pickleforks as they slice down a Mexican point – they’re one dull clip away from hoping back on depop – While I don’t have a girlfriend myself, I can confirm no such thing happened to those in attendance during the watching of this film. It’s tight from start to finish.
Quiksilver, days ago, officially cut making any product. No shirts, no trunks, no nothing. The mountain and the wave will merely be slapped on whatever product and voila, pure licensing. More on that later.
Questions remain, though, about how much the writer was pickleforking non-girlfriends in the audience with his eyes.
An accurate read?
Stab directly contributing to the the surf’s demise aside, when was the last time you employed “the girlfriend test?”
Did it work?
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