"Some days the pain is worse than others. I won't be one hundred percent."

Yesterday, the surf world reacted with shock, joy, whatever you want to call it, after world number three Ethan Ewing made a surprise return to the game after fears he would be bedridden for months following a wipeout one month ago.

Apart from a brief note to fans and a video of the wave he got hurt on, Ewing, twenty-five, had maintained a strategic silence following the wipeout.

 

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The baby-faced Australian from Queensland’s North Stradbroke Island with an ass described as “overwhelming” was driven by a desire to keep Gabriel Medina out of the Final Five, back when it was thought the WSL would make up the numbers with the sixth-rated surfer.

The favourite to win the contest is reigning world champion Pip Toledo, whose daddy, Big Rick, has claimed the only reason Pip don’t charge Teahupoo is ‘cause he wants to save himself for the Finals, something that didn’t bother mad-dog Ewing, and which also don’t ring true ‘cause his zero heat total was in 2015.

Anyway, the Brazilian filmer Bruno Lemos got hold of Ewing down there at Lowers yesterday and got a few words out of the man with camellia-white skin and dishwater blond hair. He looks rather tired, not surprising given his journey from his island home to Los Angeles, but not a whit less charming than usual.

 

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“When I first did it I thought, I’m not going to be surfing for a long time, maybe, ‘cause I knew there was something wrong with my back ‘cause I slammed it really hard on the reef,” he tells his South American interlocutor. “I got some scans, there were some fractures, not too bad, no risk for the spinal cord. Very lucky.”

Ewing admitted that some days the pain is “worse than others but I just have to keep doing my physio, getting better and better each day. I won’t be one hundred percent but I’ll do everything to put on a good performance.”

Apart from keeping Medina out of the mix, Ewing “didn’t want to finish my season injured and in a bad ending.”

The one-day surf-off will run some time between September eight and sixteen at San Clemente’s Lower Trestles, likely around the 14th or 15th.

 

“Paradise of perfect waves with Kelly Slater is a dream come true,” says girl-beater JP Azevedo

A little over five months ago, the Brazilian João Paulo Azevedo, aka JP Azevedo, was dubbed the most hated man in surfing when video emerged of him beating hell out of American Sara Taylor in Bali. 

“After being dropped in on on my first wave, the guy’s friend punched me in the head and then after being confronted about hitting me, he attacked Charlie on the beach for filming him,” wrote Taylor, along with video of the attack. “This is insane, does anyone know who they are?”

 

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The greatest surfer ever, Kelly Slater, doxxed Azebvedo writing, “Get this guy sent home where he belongs.”

Azevedo, an ex-pat living in Bali since 2019, blamed the fluidity of the modern gender binary for belting Taylor.

“This girl looked like a man, I didn’t know she was a woman. She surfed like a man, dressed like a man,” he said. “She was riding everyone’s wave, she wasn’t respecting anyone. She went with my friend’s wave and pushed my friend out of the loop. I went to ask why she had done that to my friend. She went by and threw water in my face, cursed me. And then I lost my mind due to momentary stress and ended up attacking her. I lost my reason. After I attacked her I saw that it was a woman. She was wearing a T-shirt and I couldn’t see her bra. Soon after I apologized, a friend of mine came paddling up and I said, ‘Calm down, it’s a woman’”

Gender fluidity or not, the guy appeared to have form.

His ex-girlfriend Carol Braga revealed that he put her in the hospital after a brutal attack six years earlier.

I dated JP Azevedo in 2018 and 2019. We broke up when he strongly assaulted me. I ended up in a hospital with head trauma. I was so ashamed of everything and especially (for) my daughter that I love so much. (…) Anyway, I ended up isolating myself for almost three months in a guesthouse in Rio, until the physical marks came out. But those of the heart… those still last. Very difficult all this .. because I loved him …

Today, after such news, I decided to speak out and expose myself. I don’t know if I’m doing it right. Forgive me (daughter) if you don’t like it.

I wish more peace in the world.

Today, after a month-old video emerged of Slater burning JP at Padang, the Australian tabloids, never ones to let the truth enter the narrative (just ask your ol pal DR, see, “Lewd ‘ambush’ leaves surfer gritting teeth”) and who have had it in the for the Champ ever since he questioned Australia’s vaccine mandates, suggested he was a champion of hypocrisy. 

It don’t matter that Slater burns the cunt, give him a close look at his fins then stares at Azevedo as he rinses his nose.

From the Daily Mail, 

But despite the online clash – and Slater’s public repulsion over Azevedo’s actions – the pair was filmed surfing together at Padang Padang Beach, in Bali’s south, earlier this month. 

Footage posted to Azevedo’s YouTube channel on August 4 shows the pair sharing a wave, standing just metres away from each other as they passed under a barrel.

In the caption, Azevedo gushed over how it was a ‘dream’ to finally surf alongside his childhood idol. 

‘Surfing with the GOAT [greatest of all time] Kelly Slater in Bali, Indonesia, is a dream session,’ he wrote.

‘Paradise of perfect waves with Kelly Slater is a dream come true, because since I was a child I watched movies and Slater always inspired me and my friends and everyone in the world of surfing.’

‘[He was] always winning the world WSL competitions and raising everyone’s level, both athletes and competitors in general.’

It ain’t easy being KS, everyone knows who you are, every camera is aimed at your head, and every person you meet or pass by either wants to fuck, fight, marry or kill you. 

 

Australian's miracle return from broken back continues as new fairytale beckons at Lower Trestles!

Four days ago, baby-faced Australian surfer Ethan Ewing shocked surf fans when he posted a photograph of himself seated in biz class en route to Los Angeles, and Finals Day, only three weeks after a potentially career-ending wipeout at Teahupoo.

Ewing, as you also know, busted two vertebrae while practising for the Tahiti Pro and the early prognosis was a three-month wait for surgery followed by six months out of the water.

A who’s who of the world’s best surfers lined up to praise the blue-eyed blond college boy looking surfer who has everything that represents paradise on earth: the style, the critical praise, the handsome body, money in the bank, worldwide popularity. 

“Love you Eth dog,” wrote Griffin Colapinto. 

Carissa Moore: “We love you Eth.” 

Mick Fanning: “Heal up strong mate. Sending lots of positive vibes.” 

Rescuer Tahurai Henry, “You’ll be back stronger than ever mate ! Wish you the best recovery and hopefully see you soon ! Thanks for the magic boards.” 

Spinal fractures aren’t a straightforward recovery, surgery, braces, physical therapy and, often, life is never quite the same after busting your back.

Now, after a series of stirring Rocky-esque clips from the striking looking Ewing reigning world champ Pip Toledo must be suffering a despair so great he’ll want to get his tubes tied. 

Ewing, with his camellia-white skin and dishwater blond hair, is so hungry and vibrant he might even be called predatory.

Ewing’s own silence on his injury was, according to one observer, his way of “playing mind games with the Brazilians”.

Ewing’s relationship with Brazilian fans has been strained ever since WSL judges preferred his velvet lines over Medina’s bag of tricks at the Surf Ranch Pro a few months back, one even threatening to murder the innocent Australian.

Two weeks ago, the World Surf League was accused of “passive aggressively trolling Ethan Ewing” after including him in promotional material so fantastic his return seemed.

The one-day surf-off will run some time between September eight and sixteen at San Clemente’s Lower Trestles, likely around 14 or 15.

 

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