"Utah, get me two (lawyers)."

Of all the surf characters in our pantheon, from Patrick Swayze to Keanu Reeves, Matt Adler to Matt McConaughey, Gary Busey is, without doubt, the most beloved. With important roles in Big Wednesday and Point Break, the the 79-year-old with an expressive face and wily mouth has been able to capture the best, the purest of who we are both in and out of the water.

It is with much shock and dismay, then, that it appears Busey was involved in a very un-gentlemanly hit-and-run whilst driving the Pacific Coast Highway through Malibu just before America’s Labor Day. According to TMZ, a woman was minding her own business when SLAM! her back bumper became hit. Instead of stopping and exchanging information, which is customary, the offending newer Volvo station wagon zipped off.

Not about to be hit-and-runned, the woman follows in hot pursuit until the Volvo pulls into a restaurant parking lot. There she confronts the driver, who just so happens to be Gary Busey, looking peak surf chic in a baseball cap, glasses and a khaki jacket.

Very Former.

When asked why he did not stop and follow typical protocol, Busey boldly declared, “I’m private,” then forwent his lunch and zipped off again.

I’d imagine with the way the court of public opinion is these days that Busey’s angelic reputation will be tarnished.

Sad.

But back to fender benders. Of course the thing for the offender to do is stay and exchange information, but I’ve always been of the mind that the offended should usually shrug and say, “Called a bumper for a reason, amirite?” I studied in Cairo, Egypt for six months during my college years, Arabic, Islam, history etc., and I was always impressed by the way Egyptians used their bumpers. They’d use them to move cars and fit into small parking spots, use them to push traffic along, once I was even in a cab and he used his to move a pedestrian from the middle of the road all the way to its other side. They aren’t legal sticklers, like us, all decadent and in moral and cultural decline.

Maybe the woman in the Busey exchange should think about that.

Walk like an Egyptian.

They like us, they really like us!

Surfers, riding a rollercoaster of relevancy, felt very low earlier today when it was revealed that the world’s first wave tank, Surf Snowdonia in northern Wales, had shuttered forever. This following Quiksilver, Billabong and RVCA’s sale to a glue factory, has led to shaky knees, ominous feelings that nobody cares about our kind.

But then, at our low point, the track shoots up, skyward, as it was just announced that the California Surf Museum, located in Oceanside, California beat out the U.S. Olympic and Paralympic Museum in Colorado Springs, Babe Ruth’s Birthplace in Baltimore and even the “Field of Dreams” movie site, made famous by Kevin Costner who is currently embroiled in a nasty divorce, to land the number two spot on the “10 Best Attractions for Sports Fans” in the United States of America.

They like us.

They really like us.

California Surf Museum President, Jim Kempton, declared, “When we received a nomination from a panel of expert judges seeking a consensus on the nation’s 10 best attractions for sports fans, we were flattered to have made the cut. People might not immediately think of surfing as a major sport, but nearly three million Americans are dedicated to it as a way of life that numbers an estimated 23 million participants worldwide. Add to this a fan base of people who don’t surf but love and appreciate the spectacle, sport, tradition, history, and culture of surfing, then our showing begins to make perfect sense.”

The museum, which opened in 1986, features a permanent collection of notable surfboards, Kelly Slater’s last piece of hair, Ritchie Collins Webz, Erik Logan’s Filipe Toledo chest shirt, 1989 World Champion Martin Potter (in formaldehyde), Gerry Lopez’s environmental conscience (also in formaldehyde), a giant empty hole representing Filipe Toledo’s courage and a new exhibit which shows the connection between science and the evolution of modern surfing.

It is open from 10 a.m to 4 p.m. most days with an unbelievably low admission cost of $7.

A wonder, frankly, that it was not voted number one. That place went to Boise State University’s blue football field.

Rollercoaster begins decent again.

Bitter disappointment reigns.

Wave tanks have never been hotter with rumors of fresh ones just over the horizon floating every day. “Surf-anchored developments,” whole communities built around the idea of threading inland barrels, soaring over inland wedges, ripping and shredding and having all manner of ocean-style fun inland.

The future is now etc.

Except, in a stunner, maybe ominous in nature, the world’s first modern tank, Surf Snowdownia, has shuttered without real warning leaving a community devastated, surf-anchored developers uncertain, the very idea of inland surfing suddenly in question.

The Welsh lagoon, which opened in 2015 to much fanfare, had suffered a series of setbacks of late. Lower revenues and less Welsh interest and what have you. There was a brief thought that a Hilton Garden Inn, opening onsite in 2021, would spike wild growth but… have you ever stayed in a Hilton Garden Inn? Oh, there’s nothing wrong with the medium tier business chain but also nothing really right about it either. A Four Seasons or Ritz might have been a better option.

The Welsh government also kicked in 3.9 million Great British lbs and added an “adventure centre,” translating roughly to “adventure center,” but alas. It was not enough.

Taking to Facebook, Surf Snowdownia’s PR manager declared, “It’s with a heavy heart that we announce the immediate closure of our Parc. To all who’ve been part of this journey, we’re truly sorry. We are bitterly disappointed that once again excellent employees are being made redundant. The sad reality is that despite the joy and adventure our waves brought to many as a world-first innovation, the machine has cost us a fortune in downtime, repairs and loss of business.”

According to the BBC, Tourism Northern Wales chief Jim Jones said he was “bitterly disappointed” by the decision and made a face to prove it.

What might happen to the lake and its wave creating machinery?

No telling.

Ideas, please.