“Even if you don’t surf it’ll be the best place ever.”
In a wide-ranging interview with Benji Weatherly that meanders around various topics including his new hip and how he surfed Abu Dhabi eight weeks after the operation, Kelly Slater has revealed his plan to partner with Lewis Hamilton on an electric car racetrack.
Y’see, Kelly Slater, is knee deep in his latest project, designing what’ll be the third Surf Ranch in the world, built on the bones of Doug Coors’ failed Wavegarden in Austin, Texas.
You’ll remember, or not, who looks in the rearview mirror these days unless you’re looking up the hot Muslim girl you worked with twenty years ago and sending boozy messages that read, “I’d like you to enjoy the smooth, cool feel of my perfect tiny balls in your claws”, when Doug Coors sold the site to a company called Tumbleweed Opco, a Delaware-registered LLC in care of Kelly Slater Wave Co
It was a good sell for Coors, and a good buy for the KS Wave Co. Coors got to shake his fur and take off back to Denver, Colorado, where he lives, and the Slater Wave Co, which is owned by the WSL, got 160 acres of pool with accompanying beer barn to retrofit with Kelly’s superior pool technology.
The pool had been a monstrous headache for Coors ever since he floated the idea with the local burghers.
After failing to get a Surf Ranch built in Florida, Japan and Palm Springs, Kelly Slater is full-speed ahead with Austin. He says it’s going to be called Austin Surf Club and the logo is a surfboard going through the A.
It’s a real estate development play, many oceanfront villas, there’ll be an eighteen-hole golf course, two skate parks, a recording studio (Austin music very hot, says Slater) and, crucially, two…two…waves.
But that ain’t all.
“I’m trying to talk Lewis Hamilton into designing an electric racing car course, like a track, electric car track,” says Slater. “Even if you don’t surf it’ll be the best place ever.”
Lewis Hailton’s surf bona fides have long been documented. A regular at Slater’s Surf Ranch, he has ridden the Melbourne tank and in 2021 posted a moving tribute to Kelly Slater on his Instagram account.
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It’s not for us poors and cunts. Its 2024 youll get a para social relationship through your friends and hat from local shop claiming you were there. Get me one.
This is the site
Two pools of 350 x 70 meters each, the same width as Lemoore, but half the length.
I’m no epidemiologist, but is there potential to run the train along between them and have a simultaneous left in one pool and right in the other on a never-ending cycle (with waiting periods, and maintenance, of course) ?
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Looks like it’ll be a squeeze to fit in an 18 hole golf course and all the luxury villas though, it might end out as a short 9-hole and some Iron Curtain era East German style apartment blocks…
INCOMING MISSILE…FIRE IN THE HOLE
(those damn texans and their ottomatic weapons)
ummm….”After failing to get a Surf Ranch built in Florida, Japan and Palm Springs, Kelly Slater is full-speed ahead with Austin”.
And Coolum brother.
Ah, yes…yes! Do you remember the terrific series of stories we commissioned about that build?
Drove past the site the other day- bush still there, sold sign up.
No pool and developer takes a bath on the sale.
Could barely breathe for joy.
Sometimes the pen beats the bulldozer.
where’s the White Lightnin’?
So, is Dirk and Natasha the silent partners (sugar daddy), financing, paying for all these schemes? (This stuff isn’t cheap).
Must be nice to have a billionaire and his wife in your back-pocket paying for everything, with no real risk to yourself.
Will people really keep coming back after the novelty of a tank wears off?
Time will tell…,
PS
“Lewis Hailton’s surf bona fides have long been documented. A regular at Slater’s Surf Ranch, he has ridden the Melbourne tank and in 2021 posted a moving tribute to Kelly Slater on his Instagram account”.
The above constitute “surf bona fides”??
Umm, I think that’s pretty pathetic surf bona fides compared to the multiple decades, probably every one on this web-site has, from logging time in the real Ocean.
Not to mention the sacrifices we’ve made to get there.
Lewis’s bona fides?
Hahahaha
PS
“Lewis Hailton’s surf bona fides have long been documented. A regular at Slater’s Surf Ranch, he has ridden the Melbourne tank and in 2021 posted a moving tribute to Kelly Slater on his Instagram account.”
No offense, but the above are surf bona fides??
Umm, compared to the multiple decades almost everyone on this website has probably logged in the real Ocean, and the sacrifices made to get there, that’s almost laughable….actually, it is laughable……
Kelly sure drives people crazy.
So it would seem. Although many things seem to drive many people crazy on the internet these days. Can you imagine if we didn’t spend time on the net we’d probably know nothing about his life other than if he occasionally passed through your region to take a surf.
Kelly is slipping here. No cross-marketing/tie-ins with his devotion and adoration for turtles? Jyst wait ’til we learn there’s an endangered species of turtles dying out on the grounds of the proposed race track.
compared with the annual Las Vegas 500 dust bowl race…how did the turtle/tortoises survive? almost killed Thompson!
I really fucken hope we get to see Kelly blow his new hip to bits live in a round one heat in some shitty ass onshore slop they are forced to run the first rounds in. A fall so small yet it totally fucken destroys his hip so he will never compete again. He will have to be helped out of the water in agony, tears streaming down his face devastating any shred of dignity he hoped to salvage surfing at the highest level at his age.
Making him realize he is just an old husk of himself clinging so mercilessly to the past and his former glory, one he should have walked away from decades ago. Make him suffer like all those young hopefuls whos neck he put his boot on while he milked the cow dry directly in to his mouth while they suffered from extreme thirst. The industries biggest leach.
Yea fuck Kelly Slater. I got a better head of hair than you’ve ever had cunt.
Don’t sweat it, mate.
At a golf course, you can race electric carts and get in 18 holes at the same time.
Get one of those Laird -cart boards and you could shred the laaaand!
Did Benji borrow one of Taj’s chins?
He Burrow’ed it!
That’s hawt.
Xox
Several.
It’s not a not for profit soup kitchen for the poor.
That’d be Waco, right?
More getting pitted in your shower.
Head or wand?
latest health news: shower heads contain bacterium. (am not an epidemiologist). and need to be scrubbed with chlorine and/or ozone…HEAD!
The thought of paying to ride a wave in a pool troubles me for one simple reason. I never really enjoyed pools because it wasn’t the ocean and the thought of paying to surf in a pool doesn’t compute.
What if I shouted you?
I’m in!
That’s the great thing about wave pools. You just don’t have to use them if you don’t like them.
Probably end up with this.
https://youtu.be/KT2mLi7lde…
imagine the names of turns on a Lewis Hamilton designed circuit.
turns 1-3 ~ Cornrows
turns 4 ~ I was born a poor black child
turn 5, 6 & 7 ~ foot stomping, winging and I blame everyone else for my loses
turn 8 ~ Nicole Scherzinger’s lips
turn 9 ~ Kelly Slater’s my friend
turns 10 & 11 ~ 25 ft. Pipe
turn 12 ~ My Earrings are My Culture
turn 13 ~ #BLM
turn 14~ Oppressed mega millionaire athlete
turns 15 & 16 ~ F1 budget caps fucked me
turn 17 ~ I hate Max Verstappen
turn 18/finish line ~ *6 world championships
and back in the garage he sees a slipknot and thinks its a noose!
on the rebound and re-read…VERY FUNNY HC!
Rember when surfing was a youth sport ?
A bald cunt with a hip replacement on tour ? Lmfao
Not a hip replacement, if you don’t mind a little pedantry below the line. Doctor gave him a dead man’s hip labrum, the cartilage lining the hip socket.
Shame they didn’t fix up his shitheaded attitude at the same time …
Ahh yes, Austin, TX. The crown jewel of the Lone Star state. The Cowboy Los Angeles with deep fried pickles and Joe Rogan. The pinnacle of surf culture.
Fried pickles!
surf culture died around May 2020…
I’ve been narrowing it down to about the time between Bobby quitting and Andy dying.
Heavy, on both accounts.
You my be right, that version of surf culture died then. Actual surf culture probably died long before.
when we lost both Ricks…Stoner& Griffin?
Surf culture died the day a billionaire non surfer bought the tour.
I heard it died when Elo was insistent on long slow back massages for Conologue?
he messed with the Tiger?
That Waco pool sure did do something to surf culture.
Hopefully a cult will form in Waco once more in due part.
ZZ Top don’t surf
poor Frank. couldn’t grow a beard. great anthology on ‘flix. they were sharp-dressed men.
Love em!