Theo Von lends weight to controversial theory on late-stage bodyboarding

“Is there anything dicier than being an adult boogieboarder?”

The Louisiana-born comic Theodor Capitani von Kurnatowski III aka Theo Von, has lent his weight to a popular theory about late-stage bodyboarding that has been doing the rounds since the sport was first birthed in Carlsbad, California, in 1977.

Along with the feted actor Danny McBride, whose turns as Kenny Powers in 2009’s Eastbound and Down and Jesse Gemstone in 2019’s Righteous Gemstones have made him a cult figure among men, Von describes the peculiarity of post-pubescent men on boogie boards.

McBride, who is forty-nine, begins the interview by explaining his surfing is limited to prone because of his size.

“I’m too top heavy to surf. I’m more of a bodyboarder. You ever see big heavy dudes try to surf? It’s really, it’s hilarious. It’s like Mr. Potato Head body out there. The aerodynamics are off. So you have to just go all in on the boogieboarding. Like, no, I’m good at this. This is what I’m all about. I could stand up on this thing, but I choose not to.”

Here, and with McBride lured into the danger zone, Von strikes.

“Is there anything a dicier than being an adult boogieboarder? At a certain point. Your wife, the wives are always just standing in the distance, like just waiting, shaking heads.”

A popular comment on the thread was, “Grown men should not be riding children’s toys. You are a sponger dork if you reply.”

I waver on the subject. Sometimes sexy, sometimes not so much.

You?

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Rip Curl's "empathy-led design".
Rip Curl's "empathy-led design".

Ex-Nike VP named new CEO of Rip Curl five months after shock departure of first female chief Brooke Farris

"Surfing is moving away from its gender-bullying past and understanding that there’s strength in diversity."

A year and a half back, Kathmandu-owned Rip Curl, led by its first female CEO Brook Farris, joined a suite of Australian swimwear companies in pivoting to the growing trans-woman market.

Farris, who had climbed the rungs from the metaphorical mailroom to the boardroom over the course of a stellar fourteen-year career, subsequently quit when the decision led to a world-wide boycott of the brand.

Rip Curl got so much heat, including from high profile anti-trans-gals-in-sports activists Riley Gaines ad Taylor Silverman as well as from their own former team rider Bethany Hamilton, who reportedly split from Rip Curl ‘cause of her anti-T gal stance, they removed a post celebrating the much-admired Sasha Jane Lowerson formerly champion male long boarder Andrew Egan and apologised.

Farris’ appointment as Rip Curl CEO was heralded as important step in smashing the “hyper masculine” boy’s club that had ruled the surf industry since the, uh, boys had created it in 1969.

“The willingness of the sport to elevate people like Brooke into powerful positions is this incredibly pleasing thing – a sign that surfing is moving away from its gender-bullying past and understanding that there’s strength in diversity,” said Nick Carroll, a commentator below the line on BeachGrit.

Farris was the logical choice for the role, the sharpest tool in that particular shed in Torquay, although the wonderful Neil Ridgway aka Head, the company’s marketing man, was a close-ish second I’d imagine.

In an interview with the Sydney Morning Herald shortly after making history, she spoke about “empathy-led design”.

Anyway, the new CEO is a former VP and GM of Nike Pacific, Ashley Reade, who oversaw biz worth a billion shekels. Reade’s twenty-year tenure at Nike had him living in Portland, Oregon, and in Shanghai, China.

“Transitions are always mixed feelings of excitement and trepidation due to the unknown,” Reade wrote on LinkedIn.

“However with a lens of transition I do love this quote from the great Phil Knight, ‘If you’re following your calling, the fatigue will be easier to bear, the disappointments will be fuel, the highs will be like nothing you’ve ever felt’.”

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Ventura surfer’s harrowing account of almost being killed by “feral, demonic” sea lion

“All the while, it trailed me, mouth open, lips quivering with an eerie, predatory intent.”

A flotilla of dead sea lions washing up on southern Californian beaches, from Ventura to the OC, made crazy by a toxic algae bloom before dying, is the back ground to a Ventura surfer’s harrowing account of being bitten on the ass and stalked by a “feral, demonic” sea lion.

Surfer RJ LaMendola, a photographer and fine art printer when he ain’t shredding, described his ordeal, ain’t no other way to describe it, as “the most harrowing and traumatic experience of my twenty years of surfing, an encounter that left me shaken to my core.”

It started as an ordinary session, just me and my board, about 150 yards from the shore, riding the waves in solitude. The ocean was calm, the rhythm of the swells familiar—until, out of nowhere, a sea lion erupted from the water, hurtling toward me at full speed. Its mouth gaped wide, teeth flashing, and its eyes locked onto me with an unsettling ferocity. My heart lurched as I instinctively yanked my board to the side, paddling frantically to evade it as it barreled forward, intent on crashing into me.

I barely dodged that first charge, my breath catching as I spun around, desperate to head for shore. But I had no idea where it had gone. The vastness of the ocean swallowed its presence, leaving me scanning the surface in growing unease. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a blur of motion—it was back, charging again, teeth bared like some deranged predator. This time, it slammed into my board with unbelievable force, diving beneath me in a swift, fluid arc that sent a shiver down my spine. I whipped around again, adrenaline surging, my mind racing as I realized this was no playful encounter. This was something else entirely—something wrong.

Panic set in as I paddled toward shore with everything I had, the beach still a distant speck on the horizon. My arms burned, my chest heaved, but the distance felt insurmountable. Then I saw it again—another furious charge, this time more enraged than before. Its movements were erratic, wild, almost unhinged. I turned my board to face it, hoping to shield myself, splashing water and shouting in a desperate bid to scare it off. But it didn’t flinch. It kept coming, unstoppable, its jaws snapping closer. At the last possible second, as its teeth loomed inches from my face, I swung my arm to fend it off—a clumsy attempt at a punch. It twisted its neck with eerie agility, dodging my strike, and then lunged. Its jaws clamped down hard on my left butt cheek, piercing through my 5/4mm wetsuit like it was nothing. The pain was sharp and immediate, but the terror was worse—it shook its head violently, tugging me off my board by my flesh, dragging me into the water.

I don’t know how to describe the fear that gripped me in that moment. So far from shore, so helpless, staring into the face of this creature that looked like nothing I’d ever seen—its expression was feral, almost demonic, devoid of the curiosity or playfulness I’d always associated with sea lions. With a surge of desperation, I wrenched myself free, clawing my way back onto my board. Blood seeped into my wetsuit as I dug my arms into the water, paddling harder than I ever had in my life. But it wasn’t over. The sea lion stalked me, swimming alongside, charging again and again—three, maybe four more times. Each time, I twisted my body, keeping the board between us, shielding my arms and face from its relentless jaws. My heart pounded so hard I thought it might burst, every stroke toward shore fueled by raw survival instinct. All the while, it trailed me, mouth open, lips quivering with an eerie, predatory intent, as if it wanted nothing more than to drag me under and finish me off. It didn’t stop until my feet finally scraped the sand.

I stumbled onto the beach, legs trembling, and turned back to see it still there—swimming back and forth along the shoreline, pacing like it was daring me to return. The sight was chilling, a haunting image burned into my mind. My wetsuit was shredded where it had bitten me, a jagged tear exposing the puncture wound in my buttock. Blood trickled down my leg, staining the sand, and the reality of what had just happened sank in. I didn’t hesitate—I drove straight to the ER, clutching the steering wheel with shaky hands, still reeling from the ordeal.

Later, I contacted the Channel Islands Marine Wildlife Institute to report what had happened, hoping for some explanation. What they told me was both sobering and alarming: they’re currently dealing with a wave of incidents across Santa Barbara and Ventura County involving sea lions and other marine animals affected by Domoic Acid Toxicosis. It’s a neurological condition caused by toxic algae blooms, and it’s driving these creatures into aggressive, uncharacteristic behavior. The sea lion that attacked me wasn’t just acting out—it was sick, its mind warped by this poison coursing through its system. Knowing that doesn’t erase the terror, but it adds a layer of sadness to the fear.

I’m lucky, all things considered. The bite was deep, the pain lingering, but it hit my buttock—not an artery, not my face, not something worse. Still, I can’t shake the memory of its quivering lips, the relentless pursuit, the feeling of being hunted in a place I’ve always loved. If you’re out there on the water, especially around Santa Barbara or Ventura, please be cautious. This isn’t normal sea lion behavior—it’s something darker, something dangerous. I’m grateful to be alive, up to tetenus, and back on solid ground, but I won’t be paddling out again anytime soon unfortunately. 

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Yago Dora wins Portugal Pro
Yago Dora, new queen of Supers! | Photo: WSL

Yago Dora snuffs out “miracle” Italo Ferreira to take surfing’s European grand slam!

Inspirational.

It’s a devilishly horrible thing to wake up, Sunday morning, and have Mitchell Saladbar being the first voice heard. Tortured Spanish over-pronunciations of Portuguese words. Earnestly explaining how the “stalefish air” is a “skate-inspired move.” But it was the finals at the world’s most unpopular surfing grand slam and I knew you might be vaguely interested in who won.

 

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When I tuned in, Caroline Marks was being chaired up the beach, after dispatching Gabriela Bryan for the women’s crown. Andrew Tate acolyte Cole Houshmand was one of the two men giving her a ride and will no doubt hear harsh recriminations from his master soon.

“Remember, my young G, women are intrinsically lazy.”

The conditions in Peniche, Portugal were objectively rotten, wind-whipped, garbage. Tour leader Italo Ferreira up against Yago Dora in the yuck. The two Brazilians did the best they could, punching into the air, wrapping clean turns, building houses of mid-6s. The goofy-footers did put on a show, amazing considering the canvas, but as time ticked down, Dora held a feeble lead.

And continued to hold even though Saladbar described Ferreira’s season, thus far, as a “miracle.”

But no supernatural help for the “fastest, fittest surfer on the planet.” The two-time champion snagged a wave in the last five minutes, busted a straight-air shifty, also skate-inspired, but, again, not enough.

Yago Dora for the win.

“Stoy-ic,” as Saladbar pronounces “stoic,” until the end.

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Live chat, Finals Day, world’s most unpopular surfing grand slam!

Windy as hell and almost but not quite awesome! Get biz!

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