Inspirational.
It’s a devilishly horrible thing to wake up, Sunday morning, and have Mitchell Saladbar being the first voice heard. Tortured Spanish over-pronunciations of Portuguese words. Earnestly explaining how the “stalefish air” is a “skate-inspired move.” But it was the finals at the world’s most unpopular surfing grand slam and I knew you might be vaguely interested in who won.
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When I tuned in, Caroline Marks was being chaired up the beach, after dispatching Gabriela Bryan for the women’s crown. Andrew Tate acolyte Cole Houshmand was one of the two men giving her a ride and will no doubt hear harsh recriminations from his master soon.
Remember, my young G, women are intrinsically lazy.
The conditions in Peniche, Portugal were objectively rotten, wind-whipped, garbage. Tour leader Italo Ferreira up against Yago Dora in the yuck. The two Brazilians did the best they could, punching into the air, wrapping clean turns, building houses of mid-6s. The goofy-footers did put on a show, amazing considering the canvas, but as time ticked down, Dora held a feeble lead.
And continued to hold even though Saladbar described Ferreira’s season, thus far, as a “miracle.”
But no supernatural help for the “fastest, fittest surfer on the planet.” The two-time champion snagged a wave in the last five minutes, busted a straight-air shifty, also skate-inspired, but, again, not enough.
Yago Dora for the win.
“Stoy-ic,” as Saladbar pronounces “stoic,” until the end.
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Being a Sunday evening I actually tried to watch, for a change. Have laugh in the comments etc.
Faaaarrrkk. What a shit show. Dire surf, dire broadcast stability.
Couldn’t do it.
Nope.
It’s over? Thank fuck for that
“The fastest, fittest surfer on the planet” is not a compliment these days.
It’s like saying your band is “tight”. Shit songs – but tight
“Mitchell Saladbar” is fucking hilarious. He used to not bother me so much but now he’s insufferable. For those who watched: is any of it at all worth checking out? I got half way through day one and couldn’t do it anymore.
I must agree Chas. Sallyzar the arrogant know it all and all round cocker needs a wake up call. Strider got him by the goolies quite regularly during this interminable event. El Salvador will be a mute button event with this bonehead and his pronunciation, rolling Rs, smart arse tripe. The tour needs a recall.
Stale fish ha ha. The whole town of Peniche smells like that 24/7/365. And never delivers the goods within time and budget or conditions. Bring back Hossegor. Or better still bring on Mundaka.
How quickly we forget the utter tosh that was pro surfing in Mundaka. That place is not meant for contests.
Portugal 3X more surfable when the waves are shite
Nope. Portugal in general and Peniche in particular are as shite as your recent assertion.
Yago and Yawin
Oh, moaning aside for a second. Congrats Yago
His style sure is easy on the eyes.
Sizzlers Saladbar
Having Mitch and Jessie in the booth at the same time is a war crime.
Those two really have done a good job of failing upwards.
Special shout-out to Flick with (anyone in the booth.)
Onshore, lulls, no swell, boring surfers etc – none of it would matter (as much) if we had charismatic commentators. It’s the wsls biggest problem.
On to El Salvador. Hope no one on tour has any incriminating tattoos.
El Salvador’s supermax Terrorism Confinement Center located in Tecoluca has changed the trajectory of that country.
Good for them. And us now too.
Always the Good German.
??
Not sure what he means either but if you like guilty until proven innocent and being locked up for the way you look then that new trajectory should suit you fine.
You can rest assured that that is decidedly not what is going on there. They know who these guys are. They’re (ICE) not just grabbing randos off the street to send to that facility.
Ok bootlicker.
Supporting MS-13 and TdA is an interesting take.
Haha, do you often open both eyes at once? I reckon you could get a job with Mitch Salazarrrrr promoting the authoritarian paradise of El Salvador.
1969 on joels chest on some gang gang shit
Not one wave of this sad, shitty woe-begotten comp did I watch.
Even tho Europe is a shit time zone for me, in years past I have watched a little of it but not this year.
So, in summary, 3 comps so far. Pipe maybe 2 hours I watched. Abu Dhabi – 0 hours. Portugal – 0 hours.
I suspect I’m not the only one…..
I thought it was just me that has lost all interest this year
Wooz has beaten the life out of the core.
It’s same ol, same ol every fucken comp.
No-one gives a shit.
I think it all stems from the following-
The WSL app sucks
The WSL website sucks
The adds every time you try to watch a condensed replay sucks
The fact you cant click on another screen while adds are going on condensed replay sucks
The fact that they go to a commercial break when a sets out the back sucks
The Corona cero sucks
The 805 beer sucks
The Dave Prodan podcast sucks
The MEO internet connection sucks
The aba daba doo slave pool event sucks
The WSL sensoring their athletes sucks
The WSL one ocean sucks
The schedule sucks
The commentary sucks
The judging sucks
The finals suck
Let me know if I am forgetting something.
ki poe announcing another bonsoybrewbreak
How about his repertoire of down-with-the kids slang, “full rote” etc?
I’ll tune in for jbay, chopes, and cloudie.
I haven’t seen a heat or even know they’re on
Well to be fair you did quit watching contests like 2 years ago.
I’m a comp head and watched at the very most 2 hours of this, 2 at the pool and can’t even remember Pipe.
That’s a true and accurate assessment.
Wooz got to me early.
It was at the same time I was getting really fucked off reading that crap NZ news aggregator and dealer in slanted, biased shit reporting “Stuff.”
I switched to rnz- life is better now.
Yeah. Stuff is quicker off the mark but RNZ is way easier on the constitution. Should be listening to it really. That’s my end game when I gain some self control and quit BG, social media etc.
Agreed and I shall be joining you both on those airwaves one of these days!
It’s pretty shitty, I used to watch every comp religiously but the product is just awful and I know this has been said here ad nauseam but hardly getting any good surf throughout the year is brutal and makes every comp unwatchable. I wonder if pro competitive surfing will EVER be able to get itself out of this deep, deep grave.