Whatever you think of wave tanks, y'gotta
admit, this is about as dreamy as a lineup gets. And it's
Bristol.
Bristol wavepool: Watch Kanoa Igarashi and
Travis Rice in “Robust enjoyment at a very expensive
sanitorium!”
By Derek Rielly
A new angle on the British Wavegarden tank. Better,
worse, than you might imagine.
After eight months of cold labour in the English city of
Bristol, one of the better cities in a country populated by people
with fish smell on their breath, hideous raven hair and guinea pig
faces, we have The Wave.
Recently, the Red Bull surf team, which includes Japan’s Kanoa
Igarashi, had a day negotiating the artificial seaside and The
Wave’s glistening trajectories.
A cameo from Travis Rice, the champion snowboarder, is welcome
for it gives the everyman a feel for what he’ll be able to manage
on the two-foot waves.
The backwash and onshore winds are perhaps not quite so
appreciated.
Suggestion: If you’re booking a session at a pool, get the first
wave. Always the best.
Raglan comic and shredder Luke Cederman, star
of time-travel wetsuit comedy Once Upon a Time in New
Zealand.
World Premiere: Time-travel wetsuit comedy
“Once Upon a Time in New Zealand”
By Derek Rielly
What if a surfer from the future time travelled
back to Raglan in 1984 with 2019's best wetsuits?
Time-travel Wetsuit Comedy is not the most crowded genre
in the world and therefore we can be confident in
announcing that our new film is among the better in its
category.
Once Upon a Time in New Zealand was filmed entirely in
New Zealand and features Raglan shredder and comic Luke
Cederman (aka @raglansurfreport) and his
troupe of surfer-actors Sam Mathers, Elliot Paerata Reid, Tux Servene
and Jordan Griffin.
Last year’s wetsuit film was A New Jersey Wetsuit
Fairytale starring slab-hunter Tommy Ihnken
surfing around Asbury Park and cut to covers of Springsteen
songs.
The conceit of this year’s film is time travel.
To wit, what if a surfer from the future time travelled back to
Raglan in 1984 with 2019’s best wetsuits?
What would it mean thirty-five years on?
Would we be wearing wetsuits with wings? Purple wetsuits?
Invisible wetsuits?
The film features suits from Billabong, O’Neill, Rip Curl,
Feral, Quiksilver, Vissla and Xcel whose donations made this film
possible. It’s a measure, a reflection, I think, of a company’s
connection to surfing when they cut generous cheques to make little
culture bites that may not bounce straight back onto the bottom
line but do add to the game, as a whole.
Cover versions of eighties classics I See Red,
Computer Games and Not Given Lightly by
master-producer and performer Pauly B, who also makes all the funny
noises for Ain’t That Swell.
Filmed, edited and co-written by San Francisco’s Jack
Boston.
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Lathered in flattery his whole life yet
still…still…beset by anxiety, confusion, a feeling of inferiority.
Kelly Slater and girlfriend Kalani Miller. WSL
Cavort behind-the-scenes at the Freshwater
Pro with Kelly Slater!
By Derek Rielly
A fascinating study of a man with everything who
still wonders why…
“How did I get here?” wondered eighties band Talking
Heads.
Watching this new episode of the WSL’s excellent Sound
Waves series, which features Kelly Slater at the Freshwater
Pro, his backyard pool, you get the feeling that it don’t
matter if a man has a late-model Cadillac, flawlessly tailored
ice-cream silk suits and a Kewpie Doll wife with a reddish tan and
platinum hair, he will always be beset by feelings of inferiority,
anxiety, confusion.
To wit, Kelly Slater.
Eleven titles. Millions of shekels. Sweet girl.
Owns a piece of the world’s most perfect wave.
And, yet, the terror of losing aches his gullet.
It’s a few hours to Portugal, so let’s watch the
behind-the-scenes machinations of the greatest surfer ever dealing
with the internal torment of a career in its twilight.
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"Want a joint man from the future?"
Coming soon: Relatively funny time-travel
wetsuit comedy, “Once Upon a Time In New Zealand!”
By Derek Rielly
Spectacular costumes, adult themes, some mild drug
use…
This Thursday at two pm, LA time, and, Friday, eight am,
Bondi time, we gonna loose our new wetsuit film.
Last year it was A New Jersey Wetsuit
Fairytale starring slab-hunter Tommy Ihnken
and cut to covers of Springsteen songs. The conceit of this
year’s film, starring Raglan shredder and comic Luke Cederman
(aka
@raglansurfreport) and his troupe of surfer-actors Sam
Mathers, Elliot Paerata Reid, Tux Servene
and Jordan Griffin, is time travel.
What if a surfer from the future time travelled back to Raglan
in 1984 with 2019’s best wetsuits?
What would it mean thirty-five years on?
Would we be wearing wetsuits with wings? Purple wetsuits?
Invisible wetsuits?
The film features suits from Billabong, O’Neill, Rip Curl,
Feral, Quiksilver, Vissla and Xcel whose donations made this film
possible.
Cover versions of eighties classics I See Red,
Computer Games and Never Lightly by
master-producer and performer Pauly B, who also makes all the funny
noises for Ain’t That Swell.
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Mason's surfing will dance its fingertips
along your spine.
Watch Mason Ho in: “Poetic punishment for
hot delinquent pussy!”
By Derek Rielly
Give it to me daddy…
This is a short novelty film, starring dynamic
midget Mason Ho, thirty years old from Sunset Beach and Ho
family scion, and made in two parts.
Nine days ago, Mason was filmed, along with his pal Sheldon
Paishon, surfing a mock heat at a greasy rock-break which,
according to director Rory Pringle, they’d never surfed before.
“Lots of Pohaku (rocks), thats why its called the Pohaku
Division,” writes Rory.
In the second half we see Mason and his Uncle Derek, who was the
world champion in 1993, beating even Kelly Slater at his early
peak, whipping up a lil magic at Velzyland, a locals-only sorta
joint east of Sunset.
“Mason’s truly one if my favorite surfers to watch,” says Kelly
Slater. “You never know what he’s gonna do. He throws style points
back to his influences and elders, and throws down maneuvers lots
of new school guys can’t pull. And he surfs those weird waves
nobody else does, which is probably my favorite thing about
him.”
Watch etc.
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
