Trussed up in much rubber, Dylan Graves tames the wild and unruly waters, surfing as elastic as an after-birth vagina.

The last time the Puerto Rican heartthrob Dylan Graves was on these pages, he had just smashed the world record for most manoeuvres on a wave, a leg-trembling forty turns on a Sumatran tidal bore.

(An obscure record previously held by Cristóbal de Col for 34 turns on a wave at Chicama in Peru, occasionally and lazily referenced as the world’s longest lefthander. Graves, who is thirty-seven, submitted the ride to the Guinness people and is still awaiting confirmation of his astonishing feat.)

In his latest adventure Graves joins up with a Montana surfer called KB who has a voice that could bite the fat off a taxi-cab driver’s neck, as full of vibrations of power as those machines which rout out grooves in wood, to surf several river waves that look like tornado puke.

The water is very murky and very cold and the danger obvious, but the impulse to clown is impulsive to Grave and, trussed up in much rubber, he tames the wild and unruly waters, surfing as elastic as an after-birth vagina.

What’s most interesting, is the sort of surfboard that works in these waves: wide, flat, shovel-nosed things, so white and rectangular they look like body-of-Christ wafers.

Click play and hear the scripture.

“Logging late-night hours online, I studied the the terrain, bathymetry, people, marine life, weather-patterns, the cost, travel, logistics…"

In this compelling video, see the German-Portuguese shredder Nikolaus von Rupp get barrelled for roughly two-and-a-half clicks at Namibia’s famous Skeleton Bay, which is roughly 25 kms south of the town of Swakopmund.

Von Rupp, who is thirty two, cannot live without the transcendence of tube riding, a place where he can lose his ego for a moment, the indispensable elevator that raises his phallus to its fullest height.

Skeleton Bay, as you know, was  brokered to the world by a magazine and a computer nerd in 2007.

The Google Earth challenge was a Surfing magazine initiative to shoot a little out of the box, readers using the then new Google Earth tech to discover secret waves.

Deal was, you tell the mag, they let you join a photo shoot to the joint.

Brian Gable, an IT specialist, was a runner-up to the contest in 2007 (a wave in Western Sahara was chosen though no trip was made).

His loss drove him nuts.

“From that moment, I committed to nothing else,” Gable wrote. “Logging some serious late-night hours online, I focused on studying the country, the terrain and bathymetry, the people, the marine life, weather-patterns, the cost, travel, logistics, etc. I corresponded with locals halfway around the world. Obsessed and possessed, I selfishly put personal and professional duties aside and spent my days formulating the ultimate package for the ultimate magazine surf trip. To me, it wasn’t just a free adventure for myself. It was a chance to prove that the gem I found not only stood up to every other world-class setup, but was on the very short list at the top. Then, on Wednesday, Sep 19, 2007 at 10:03 AM, I got the call. First prize, the Indians take the pennant, the whole freakin’ enchilada!”

Skeleton Bay, of course, is now a photo studio, Von Rupp just one of dozens of pro’s squeezing its sides.

Better than snorting crystal blow, as old-timers used to say.