Kourtney Kardashian gives big sis Kim hell
while, inset, laughs ensue on Dane Reynolds' wipeout reel.
Kourtney Kardashian’s Carpinteria
surfer-neighbour Dane Reynolds releases hilarious wipeout reel
By Derek Rielly
“If you eat shit on a good wave, that good wave
becomes a shit wave.”
The rural idyll of former world number four surfer Dane
Reynolds was broken two years ago when reality TV starsTravis Baker and Kourtney Kardashian moved in alongside his
Martha Stewart inspired barn house.
Travis Barker was the little drummer boy in Blink 182,
a kinetic jack-in-the-box festooned
with elaborate tattoos. The reality television series
Meet the Barkers ran for two seasons in 2005 and 2006 and followed
the travails of Travis, his then wife the former Miss New York and
Playboy Playmate Shanna Moakler, and their two kids, Alabama and
Landon.)
Kourtney Kardashian is the eldest daughter of Robert Kardashian,
the legal gun who got OJ Simpson off an impossible to defend
double-murder charge, and whose big sister is Kim Kardashian, a
former POV porn star who was once married to the eccentric chanteur
Kanye West.
In his latest instalment for Chapter 11 TV, which is woefully
undersubscribed given the quality of the deliveries, we are gifted
a wipeout reel from in and around Carpinteria and
starring Josiah Amico and Tommy Mckeown.
“If you eat shit on a good wave, that good wave becomes a shit
wave,” writes Dane Reynolds. Midway through we put in a tribute
clip to Harry Bryant’s film “Motel Hell Namibia Section” by Dave
Fox,” adds Dane. “No milk involved.”
Unmissable.
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“Youth inferno” Caity Simmers lays fresh
claim to title of best female surfer in the world with jaw-dropping
B-sides edit
By Derek Rielly
"Caity Simmers is the most talented woman surfer
ever. Not many surfers, men or women, would pull half the barrels
she did on this trip."
Only four months ago, the San Clemente (sharks!)teenager Caity Simmers and Australian Molly Picklum delivered
the best performance ever by the gals at Pipe, with Caity beating hall-of-fame
performer Picklum in perfect four-to-six-foot waves.
“Pipeline for the fucking girls,” said Caity Simmers, in the
immediate aftermath of her win. “I respect everyone who wants a
part of it and I respect anyone who doesn’t want a part of it.”
Caity Simmers showed how quickly generational change was
happening there previous year in Tahiti when she, and Caroline
Marks, dominated the Tahiti Pro as Stephanie Gilmore “showed little
interest in being there.”
Setting it up, Caity takes off from deep. The wave sections
ahead of her, but she smoothly bottom turns around it. Remember
now, she’s surfing backside. Caity throws a quick midface turn to
line up the barrel. Then she grabs rail and pulls in.
Shooting through the crumbling lip, she makes a clean exit.
She almost looks surprised that she made it. But she still
remembers to throw in a quick down carve to finish it. The judges
gave it a 9.23. I’m not sure what else they wanted there. Just give
her the ten, you nerds!
Despite an early exit from this year’s Tahiti Pro due, mostly,
to the WSL’s decision to run the gal’s elim heats in a slowing
swell, Caity leads the women’s tour by a decent sorta margin. She
is two k points or thereabouts, and is decent sorta bet to win the
title, aged eighteen, at her home break, Lowers, in September.
And, this B-side edit, which you’ll wanna watch, below, has
dragged male viewers’ jaws to the ground.
Caity is the most talented woman surfer ever. Not many
surfers, men or women, would pull half the barrels she did on this
trip. The fact that she gets more excited doing this than winning
comps says a lot about her mindset. And her style is so naturally
elegant and functional, sort of like Slater when he came up on the
scene, nothing too flashy or hyper stylish(à la Ethan Ewing or
Steph Gilmore) but just smooth and no hickups whatsoever.
Mesmerizing to watch. A round of applause to miss Simmers!
You absolutely know that you had a great surf trip when the
cutting room floor is covered in 9.5 to 10-point tube
rides….
My appreciation for what Caity does here….. no words, just
go do it some more! Fantastic stuff !
Can’t believe these are b sides. caity is a once in a
generation talent.
Right now she is one of the best in the World, imagine this
girl in 5 years. She improves each session, with each event… Crazy
that Caity still has the potential to grow even more!
The Future is here.
Essential.
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Max, kid Rush, wife Alessa and greatest surfer
of all time Kelly Slater.
UFC BMF champ Max Holloway gives son Rush
“greatest day of his life” at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch
By Derek Rielly
"The daddest man on the planet!"
If you’re into cage fighting, and who ain’t now that pro
surfing continues its path to self-annihilation although Tahiti may
give a brief respite, you’ll have thrilled to the greatest knockout
of all-time by the Hawaiian Max Holloway at UFC300 five
weeks back.
Holloway has gone up a weight class and is expected to lose but
instead dominates the thunder of BMF (Bad Motherfucker) belt holder
Justin Gaethje.
Ten seconds on the clock. Fifth and last round. Holloway has
already won the fight on points but risks everything to give his
fans ten seconds of in-the-pocket stand and bang.
Joey Rogan describes it as the “greatest knocked out in UFC
history”, which is fair, I think.
Real legend behaviour from Holloway.
Holloway, who is thirty-one, is the husband of Hawaiian surf
star Alessa Quizon (once the gal of Caio Ibelli) and grew up on
Oahu’s west side, famous for Sunny Garcia, Johnny Boy Gomes, Makaha
and so on.
Recently, Max, along with Alessa and his son Rush, were gifted a
couple of days at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch, which included cameos
from Benji Weatherley, Kalani Robb and Kelly Slater himself.
Holloway looks pretty solid on the dreamy Surf Ranch walls,
Alessa shreds, naturally, and lil Rush gets the tubes of his
dreams.
UFC BMF champ Max Holloway treats son Rush to day at Kelly
Slater’s Surf Ranch
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In this twenty-something minute long-form
featurette by the great Rory Pringle, Mason Ho and Sheldon Paishon
frolic like pygmy whales in Scotland’s cold dark waters, so cold
it’s difficult to scramble to your feet and where after your
sessions you shake like a Parkinson’s victim.
Mixed-race Hawaiian surf star Mason Ho and
Sheldon Paishon find perfect waves in “too white” Scotland
By Derek Rielly
Hawaiian surfers visit cold-water destination
inhabited by the most chilling demographic on earth! Da Whites!
As BeachGrit readers will already know, Scotland, that
home of Braveheart, haggis, Hogmanay, bagpipes, JP Currie etc, was
in the news recently over its demographics, ie, the
shocking stat that ninety-five percent of the country was
white.
A four-year-old speech made in the wake of the absurdity of the
George Floyd imbroglio by then Scottish health minister Humza
Yousaf where he argued that there were too many whites in positions
of power and that Scott was “not immune to problems of structural
racism” did the rounds recently, bringing joy to combatants in the
press and on social media.
In this twenty-something minute long-form featurette by the
great Rory Pringle, the pair frolic like pygmy whales in Scotland’s
cold dark waters, so cold it’s difficult to scramble to your feet
and where after your sessions you shake
like a victim of Parkinson’s.
The waves are very good at times and the pair surf with courage,
intelligence and absolute honesty.
Essential.
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Dylan Graves thrills the soul and nourishes
the heart by surfing during a total solar eclipse at the Waco wave
tank.
Surfers, including world-record breaking
Dylan Graves, gather at Waco, Texas, to witness end of world!
By Derek Rielly
"This is one of the most cosmic experiences I've
ever had!"
Almost one month ago, Texans were gifted a front-row
seat to that most profound of celestial experiences, a total solar
eclipse where the Moon passes between the Sun and Earth,
temporarily blocking the Sun’s light.
Throughout history, much consternation from terrified humans who
believed the gods or, in the case of the Choctaw Native Americans,
a squirrel, had eaten the sun. Ergo, end of the world etc.
Anyway, on April 8, Dylan Graves, whose pursuit of the strangest
waves on earth have been well-documented in his ongoing series
Weird Waves and whom we almost lost to a cliff
fall in Brittany, France, visited the Waco tank so he
could surf during the eclipse.
“Everyone you hear of who’s seen a total solar eclipse says
things like ‘Words can’t describe it man you just gotta experience
it’’. I’m that person now,” writes Graves, the surfer who smashed
the Guinness World Record for most turns on a wave with a
leg-trembling forty manoeuvres, which he achieved on a tidal bore
in Indonesia.
“This video is my attempt at trying to assign some words. As
well as add some visuals to help understand this WILD experience.
In our case, obviously there had to be surfing involved, and it
just so happens that there was a wave pool right smack in the
middle of the line of totality in Waco Texas. I was with a group of
scientists. Some eclipse chasers. And just happy go lucky surfers
at the right place at the right time. This is definitely one of the
most cosmic surf experiences I’ve ever had…”