Watch Mason Ho dance all over Ala Moana Bowls’ “Killa Swell”!

Your favourite surfer storms the South Shore and pokes it!

Do you ever wonder about Mason Ho’s wonderful genetic code? His granddaddy was Chinese, his grandma pure Hawaiian, mom was white and from Oregon and his daddy, Mike Ho whom you know, was half-Chinese, half-Hawaiian.

What’s that make Mason? A quadroon?

No, no, can’t be a quadroon.

Seventy-five percent of his ancestry is Chinese-Hawaiian, a quarter white Americano. It’s a mathematical riddle.

Can anybody solve it?

In this clip, which is one of the best from the Mason Ho-Rory Pringle studio, at least in recent months, we follow Mason to the south coast of Oahu aka the South Shore. Here, Mason Ho dominates a wave called Ala Moana, which is named after the nearby shopping centre.

His late takeoffs-to-fade-to-lookdown-to-tube-and-lookbacks are worth the cost of exercising your precious click alone although a visit, later in the film, to China Walls will delight, like a haughty dancing girl bending forward to steep you in her murky scent.

Watch 21-year-old Kelly Slater in “I’m a little bird that has broken out of the egg!”

Come see The Champ before blood feuds and swimming pools that tube!

By 1993, Kelly Slater had won a world title (youngest ever) and failed to defend it (sixth), although he would win the next five titles in a row.

Kelly will turn forty seven in three weeks.

This is a remarkable for several things. He appears to’ve retarded the ageing process (Kelly credits this to his consumption of chia seeds, kimchi, grass-fed beef, elk antler extract, bee pollen, kelp, ginseng shivajit, ashwagandha and almond milk), he’s still as nomadic as he was when he was twenty despite a net worth north of twenty-mill and, this year, he’ll compete, and compete well, at the highest levels of the sport, wearing board shorts from his own company and riding boards of his own design.

This clip from the Momentum Files (Focus, 1993show’s Kelly at a point in his life when he was without peer. Gabriel was in-utero, Filipe was still two years away from seeing light beyond the birthing canal and John John was in his little wooden crib, mama Alex working like hell to feed her precious bundle.

When Kelly surfed, you watched.

When Taylor Steele dropped a movie, with Kelly owning the closer, a rope of drool would hit the floor.

Does this clip age as well I think?

Watch Dylan Graves and Jet Schilling in “River waves are like tornado puke!”

A romanticised examination of surf culture in Montana and Idaho… 

In this second episode of Vans’ Weird Waves series, which is hosted by the Puerto Rican Dylan Graves, he and San Clemente kid Jett Schilling surf river waves in Montana and Idaho.

You’ll remember in episode one Dylan cast quite a glow over Lake Superior, riding six-foot waves in the world’s largest fresh-water lake.

Here we see Dylan and fifteen-year-old Schilling trussed up in hoods and body rubber.

It’s very cold. Murky, cold water.

Thirty degrees?

That’s minus one for the rest of the world tied to the metric system.

Both surfers, therefore, are as elastic as an after-birth vagina.

What’s most interesting, I think, is the sort of surfboard that works in these waves: wide, flat, shovel-nosed things, so white and rectangular they look like body-of-Christ wafers.

Click play and hear the scripture.


Watch: Noa Deane, Ozzie Wright and Ryan Burch in “Who’s the panty-washing pedophile freak now?”

A dirty New Zealand road trip! Get gut-punched!

The anti-establishment surf brand Volcom has had a long association with New Zealand courtesy of its Australasian arm being run, and run beautifully, by John Clapham, now a substantial landholder at Raglan.

In this sub-five minute short, Volcom team surfers Noa Deane, Ozzie Wright, the San Diego shaper-experimentalist Ryan Burch and perennial WCT wannabe Mitch Coleborn do the camper van thing and rip hell out of NZ’s famous lefthanders.

In one pivotal scene, Coleborn drops to his knees like a self-flagellating monk and rides a boogieboard drop-knee, an ancient and long forgotten art.

By all probability, you’ll appreciate this diversion.

Watch: Code Red Swell Hits Lake Superior!

"It's a phenomenon of nature!"

Come, come chase a Code Red swell with Puerto Rico’s Dylan Graves to… Minnesota! A fabulous state which is home to the largest diaspora of Somalis east of Africa and backs onto the Greatest Lake of ’em all, Lake Superior.

(Ain’t no fresh-water lake in the world as big as Lake Superior.)

You remember Dylan, yeah? He’s mid-thirties now but he used to be on the Quiksilver roster, the clean-looking Young Gun playing cute foil to the hoary champ Kelly Slater.  Tween Young Gun and now (Old Bum?), Dylan took on the WQS (ain’t much success) before settling into that ever-warm freesurfing zone.

(Once when I interviewed Dylan, he said he liked to swish his long hair around women’s breasts, sometimes head-butts his friends when he’s boozed, and likes it “when girls aren’t afraid to let some dirty shit come out. I just like it when they say fuck.”)

Editor’s update: Dylan just texted to ask me if I had proof of the interview and to remind me that “a little more work might be required than a 10-year-old interview. Thanks for an unnecessary chat with the mrs. Shitty journalism for the sake of making a name for urself. Who wins?”

He’s right, of course, although the ol never-said-it argument rarely works and only serves to shrink the proprietor in front of his audience.


In this thirteen-minute “short feature”, Dylan exits the tropics to fly to the state of Minnesota to surfs a network of waves one local surfer points out is a “rare phenomenon” of rocky points, reefs and beachbreaks.

Dylan says the cold water feels like being hit by a neuralyzer, the device used in the Will Smith vehicle, Men in Black.

“Mind eraser,” he says.