Wealthy patron gifts super-vlogger Jamie O’Brien free all-day pass to Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch; JOB refuses appearance fee; returns favour by getting patron’s baby girl front-row seat to famous barrel!

World's most famous surfer makes children's dreams come true…

This might make a few of the meaner sons of bitches here deposit their watermelon seeds onto the ground, but there’s a real good case to be made that Jamie O’Brien, the flame haired king of Pipeline, is the most popular surfer in the world.

A YouTube channel with half-a-million subscribers, a whole damn army of fans in every corner of the world, oh it’s as plain as the shining sun.

And, therefore, I’ll posit that the daddy that invited Jamie to the Surf Ranch on the occasion of his son, and son’s pals, graduations got himself a helluva deal.

Jamie refused an appearance fee, even the airfares of his entourage, and made an episode of his insanely popular vlog of the day.

Fifty gees or thereabouts and the kids get their heads on YouTube and the daddy’s baby girl gets a wild tube experience that would put a sleepy tingle in anyone’s legs.

When I call Jamie, he is shopping in California, and he tells me he also visited the Tom Lochtefeld pool in Palm Springs with plans to go back there in a week.

He says the Slater pool was an oddly beautiful thing, difficult to work out, powerful overall, yet soft in the lip and says of the thirty or so waves he caught, he only stayed on his feet all the way through to the end on one.

Getting the daddy’s kid barrelled, he says, was a challenge he accepted because it “was a test of all my barrel-riding capabilities.”

It’s sixteen minutes in.

Gets good when the kid falls, Jamie scoops her up and pushes through the tube with a combination of powerful arms and excellent timing.

Re: Palm Springs,

Jamie says the vibe, with its electricity provided by Cheyne Magnusson, a man so chubby he hasn’t seen his privates in twenty years, and his dangerous friend Kalani Robb, was “energetic.”

“Some places have no limits,” he says. “This is is like BSR in Palm Springs but with better technology and with a cooler vibe with a real twist on it.”

Right now that pool is running off eight chambers.

After the rebuild, new pool with more concave in the bottom, it’ll have sixteen.

“The waves are getting better and better every day,” he says.

The Palm Springs Surf Club episode drops Monday, US time.test of l

Griffin Colapinto, Ian Crane, Jett Schilling and Kolohe Andino toast their libidinous powers in “Men pay for freckles and curls!”

Most anything you want in this world is easier if you're a pretty boy.

Breathe in the the scent of Lowers in this three-minute short and think of surf and seaweed instead of inhaling the ammonia scent of your own dirty hovel.

This is a movie, I think for men who want to dress in lacy frilly things, pay for boys with freckles and curls and want their cheerleaders with a cock.

Stars Ian Crane, Kolohe Andino, Griffin Colopinto, Crosby Colopinto, Cole Houshmand, Jett Schilling, Kade Matson, Taj Linblad, David Economos, Brett Simpson, Yadin Nichol, filmed and edited by Jason Crane, maybe brother of the edit’s star Ian Crane.

Oy Vey: Watch Israeli Olympian Eithan Osborne and goyim Parker Coffin and Ian Crane tear hell out of Palm Springs tank!

Stage one of the old Wet 'n' Wild site's rebuild is sweeter than a jasmine mist coating your face like a fine desert sweat.

Ain’t nothing bad about a three-foot wedge built in the loving arms of a desert one hundred miles west* of Los Angeles.

It don’t rain, it don’t get cold and it ain’t Waco where you stay in broken-down tin shacks with red velvet curtains and the ghosts of David Koresh and his seventy-five white Christian brothers and sisters, incinerated by the FBI just one mile up the road on Mount Carmel, tapping on your window in the dark of night.

This is stage one of Cheyne Magnusson’s rebuild, using the King Jesus of wavepool design Tom Lochtefeld’s tech, at the old Wet ’n’ Wild site in Palm Springs, California.

In a post to his sixteen-thousand followers, let’s call ’em Branch Magnussions, Cheyne wrote, “1/3 the amount of wave generating as BSR. Pool shape untouched since 1980. Less water than every other full scale wave park out there. Still making sections for the boys to go ham on!!! This thing is only half built people, wait till I get double the power.”

It’s the same pool that was used in the opening sequences of North Shore, a film from 1987 that tells the fictional tale of Rick Kane, a boy who learns to surf in a wave pool and then attempts to transpose his skills to Pipeline with mostly good results.

Here Eithan Osborne, Parker Coffin and Ian Crane play while Cheyne furiously tweaks his knobs.

(* As as since been pointed out in the commentary section, Palm Springs is actually east of Los Angeles not west.)

World Premiere: Filipe Toledo challenges rep for pulling back in big waves in short film ‘Candid’: “The reputation’s not good. People talking about it? I don’t like it. I don’t wanna be this guy!”

"I have to get better. I have to improve by going out there, taking wipeouts, two-wave hold-downs, getting hurt on the reef."

In this nine-minute short, perennial world title contender Filipe Toledo talks, relatively candidly I think, about the reputation that has bedevilled his career since his zero point heat at Teahupoo in 2015.

“Pete Mel is in the water,” said the commentator Joe Turpel. “Pete, has Filipe had any chances? Why is he scoreless?”

Mel struggled.

“Well, I think that…ummm…

“The reputation’s not good. People talking about it? I don’t like it,” says Filipe.

This film, made by Luke Farquhar, contrasts that zero-point heat in Tahiti with his near-win over Kelly Slater at eight-to-ten-foot Pipeline in 2018 where Filipe nearly nails a ten-pointer to win the heat and stay in title contention.

“I’m not the best surfer out at Pipeline; I’m not the best surfer in Tahiti. I have to get better. I have to improve by going out there, taking wipeouts, two-wave hold-downs, getting hurt on the reef,” he says.

As may have been alluded to over the last couple of years, the film was supposed to climax with Filipe paddling into a ten-footer at Teahupoo, emerging to indelicate screaming and a besmirched reputation wiped clean; a project that had so many false starts, trips to Tahiti, missing swells and back and forthing that it was eventually shelved.

I do hate to waste a good interview, in this case Sam George asking some pretty tough questions in a makeshift studio set up in Filipe’s San Clemente garage.

So we cut the original feature back, stripped it to the original interview and sprinkled a little fairy dust here and there.

Maybe you’ll like, maybe you won’t, although I do feel it’s worthy of examination.

Watch: Timid but tenacious VAL’s multiple rock jump fails from giant Sydney swell! “I didn’t realise you were that big of a kook!”

As always on these things punch the volume right up…

Jumping off rocks into the drink ain’t hard in the same way as backside tuberiding ain’t rocket science.

Pick a line, steel your nerve, don’t panic. Easy to say, hard to do.

I learned my lesson real young when I tried to follow shaping great Darren Handley off Kirra’s big groyne during a cyclone-fuelled swell.

Where Darren danced, quickly, over a well-trodden route, done it a million times etc, and didn’t blink as he threw himself into the ocean, I tip-toed, turned around, went back, stood there, jumped into a set, panicked, untied my leash, tried to climb back up the rocks, and finished my rock-jump campaign clinging to bolts on a rock like a limpet, my little Rusty wedged somewhere below.

A good lesson.

And apart from a one-foot day at Whale Beach when I slipped down a hole, and after a dozen years habitually surfing Burleigh, it’s never happened again.

In this lovely film captured by Still Stoked during this week’s monster swell in Sydney, we see a timid but tenacious VAL refuse to accept defeat as he breaks every rule in the rock-jump playbook.

I see half-a-dozen mistakes.

Tell me what you see, yes?

As always in those things, the commentary complements the actin wonderfully.