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Just in: Kelly Slater swings at “Next Level Dipshits!”

Rory Parker

by Rory Parker

"Someone got a gun to your head to purchase a higher-end brand? Did someone say this was a high-volume, low-price play?"

Kelly Slater doesn’t lose his cool often, so when it he does it’s kinda interesting, I guess. It seems like all the bullshit about Outerknown finally got the GOAT, and he let some dork on Instagram have it. The comments have since been removed, but they read:

Original Comment:

Get yo head str8 de man @kellyslater I don’t want to hear it’s your fault. You should have known the prices before It went live. Think about your roots. Could your mom have afforded this when you were growing up? Get real man. As a fellow Floridian I am disgusted. Way to represent surfing and surfers and sustainability. How is it sustainable when you have to spend so much money to buy at shirt? As others have said, it’s totally possible to have a sustainable eco friendly product at a lower price point. You better say something to the media soon because your credibility has gone way down by having your name associated with this shit brand.

Kelly’s Response:

You’re gonna use my mom against me? My mom couldn’t afford lunch when I was growing up! I didn’t have two pairs of clean socks as a teenager, literally. So please tell me what exactly is it I owe you again? Someone got a gun to your head to purchase a higher end brand item? Did someone say this was a high volume, low price play? The amount of hatred is next level from dipshits like yourself. I’m a big boy and can stand up for myself. Feel free to unfollow or be blocked. No problem. I honestly don’t mind either way. When the surf product comes out people will learn about it. If people actually want to know the story of how the brand was created and what things cost to be done on certain levels, that will come out. The personal attacks and name calling have been nothing short of unbelievable. People need to grow up.

Now to the important part, how this matters to the surf world. It doesn’t. I can’t come up with anything better today so I’m bringing the low effort TMZ level shit.

Give me a break, hammering out daily stuff can be really hard, sometimes.

 

Kelly Slater Instagram

Real: ‘Cape Fear’ terrorizes LA suburbs!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

The original masterpiece of revenge, confrontation and murder (hassle)!

The Palos Verdes hardcore locals, known as the “Bay Boys” who made news a few months ago for murdering hassling a British reporter are back! The Los Angeles Times headline screamed:

“GANG MENTALITY OF MIDDLE-AGE SURFERS KEEPS OUTSIDERS OFF PALOS VERDES ESTATES WAVES”

 

I can’t go on. Gang mentality + middle-age surfers = haha

Read the story here!

And when y’done there, read super designer Dave Carson’s piece about living and surfing there. 

cape-fear-1991-002-robert-de-niro-driving-seat

Nude! Is this the best surf mag promo… ever?

Derek Rielly

by Derek Rielly

Who doesn't love gratuitous?

Hardcore is a Brazilian surfing magazine you may or may not know, likely no. It was launched 26 years ago as a sharper-edged underground sorta mag, throwing itself behind Brazilian surfers at a time when the country was in in thrall to the Americans and Australians.

A few years back, the then chief editor Steve Allain convinced São Paulo photographer Haruo Kaneko to create a series of provocative photoshoots.

“We wanted to show surfing in an opposite way to the traditional ‘broish-tropical-shaka’ feel of most mags,” says Allain, now the mag’s Bali-based international editor. “The shoots are enticing and done in an urban setting. Completely different than those girls in bikinis on the beach shoots – which I find so boring.”

Anyway, Hauro made this lil movie to celebrate Hardcore’s 26th birthday and featuring the models Catharina Bellini and Natalia Scabora.

Come and help these happy gals blow out the candles!

(And see more of Hauro’s videos here) 

Just in: Brazilian supermodels prefer surfers!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

More evidence of Brazil's decent into total surf madness!

WSL CEO Paul Speaker recently suggested 29,000,000 Brazilians watched the Fiji Pro final (here). Just crazy for the surf! New evidence, released today, continues to point to the South American country’s slide into total surf madness.

Brazilian supermodel Sofia Resing, speaking to GQ Magazine, says:

“I love watching soccer…” she says “…but I love watching the surf thing as well. I think Brazilians are more proud of our surf guys than our soccer guys.”

Whoa! Wow!

Sofia Resing Nude

Ms Resing, mostly nude on the cover of French Revue de Modes.

She plans on going bodyboarding in Indonesia and to Burning Man. How does a man get her attention?

“A tall guy can get my attention…if he surfs.”

Owen Wright…that sounds like you! Book your ticket to Burning Man, son. Book it before Brazil gets cured.

Watch here!

Meet: the best skimboarder in the world!

Rory Parker

by Rory Parker

And it isn't Brad Domke!

Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass was one of my favorite books as a child and  Humpty Dumpty’s explanation  of The Jabberwocky my favorite part. It introduced me to the idea of portmanteau words and instilled in me a belief that writers get to shape language, not just employ it.

Thanks to this video I’ve got a few additions for the lexicon:

Hilarishame – the feeling when you’re disappointed in yourself for finding something funny.

Pathetirad – a spectacular disaster that is the inevitable result of encouraging an idiot’s terrible decisions.