Eco Stud Named in “Surf Gang” Lawsuit!

Garbage connoisseur Jalian Johnston named in Lunada Bay suit…

You’re no doubt aware of the current lawsuit regarding Lunada Bay. Good times, will be even better if they pull off the gang injunction and get the dorks banned from their beach. Don’t know if it’ll work, Palos Verdes swings an awful lot of money and influence. But it’s not important, the bad press is reward enough.

What’s especially fun is that the guys were named in the suit. Most of them are nobodies. PV-bred losers, spoiled rich kids. There’s a mediocre shaper in there too. 

And, oh my, Jalian Johnston! Remember him?

Born Alan, he changed his name to Jalian because of… spiritual stuff, I assume.

Very soulful, he’s all about the earth. And garbage, dude loves himself some garbage. Gluing it to stuff, sewing it to other stuff.

I’ve long wished I could cover myself in the detritus of the modern age, Jalian really scratched that itch. Without his help I’d’ve been stuck taping tampon applicators to my hats for forever. I’d much rather pay him hundreds of dollars to do it for me.

I remember, when I saw a piece on Fuel TV many years ago, thinking to myself, “How’s this dude traveling around the world supporting himself?” I mean, I know he calls himself a pro surfer, but the brands aren’t exactly cutting checks for fly-away airs these days.

Maybe that’s not a fair representation of his ability. After all, he’s surfing somewhere other than PV. And Justin Cote is a fan!

“I like Jalian’s part because it was so different than all the other entries. In case you’ve never heard of him, the dude wears handmade leaves, sticks, twigs and shit, super out there but a ripper nonetheless. His part also had some random spots that I didn’t recognize—no shitty little Lowers for Jalian! Yeah mon!”

Anyway, then I remembered, I’d seen him around the South Bay. He didn’t have a fringe of blonde pubes encircling his face, and he went by his original name. But he was from PV, I knew that. Explained where the money came from.

So now Jalian is in trouble. Accused of being a gang member, of sexually harassing female strangers, not good. But I’m sure Mommy and Daddy can afford a good lawyer, so I’m sure he’ll fine.

Then he can go back to his true love, digging through trash cans for inspiration.