Should Hawaii be a separate country and other such things!
Hawaii is our Shangri-la. The stuff our dreams are made of. Have you been? Have you walked that sacred soil? Been baptized in that holy water? It’s place in surf culture/history is undeniable. Let’s chat about it’s competitive landscape, shall we?
I sat down recently with Surfing Magazine’s Beau Flemister and we discussed many things as it relates to the WSL, Olympics etc. Fascinating? Certainly. Read here!
Scene opens at Starbucks…
Beau: Hi Chas, have a seat. You want a coffee?
Chas: Aloha aina, Beau! From here? Hell no!
B: [laughs] Mine’s delicious. Kona coffee, obviously. Best stuff in the world. Speaking of which, let’s get into it: I believe Hawaii should stay its own sovereign surfing nation. The HAW abbreviation should stay.
C: Of course you’re on the side of Hawaii. You’re Hawaiian, right? Flemister…that’s the ancient Hawaiian term for…lost Flemish tribe of Niihau. Just kidding, so on what basis?
B: The original reasoning behind the “HAW” distinction stems from the Makaha International Surfing Championships, the first surfing world championship, so to speak. And the first Makaha contest ran in 1954, before Hawaii was an official state of the Union, so Hawaiians classified themselves as such — a different entity than the Mainland — and then it just carried over to now.
C: So, is that really true, though? Is that really a fact?
B: Absolutely, it is. You disagree with the oracle and sage Matt Warshaw and his sacred electronic text, The Encyclopedia of Surfing…dot com?
C: Well, I think that the HAW is how Rabbit Bartholomew first delineated it. I think that he gave Hawaii its own slot in the contest and it was just accepted. That’s what I heard. But you or Matt Warshaw could be right.
B: So you don’t buy the “before it was a state” theory? You think that Rabbit just did it to kiss up to Hawaiians?
C: Yes, to appease them. I think that Rabbit had a little Stockholm syndrome. I honestly think that he came to love the oppressor [Hawaiians] after taking so much shit for so long. When I say shit, I mean almost getting killed by Da Hui like in Bustin’ Down the Door. But I also think Rabbit’s relationship with Hawaii is too tangled to ever really know what’s going on or how he feels or why the HAW delineation happened. I’m sure that he loves Hawaii but there’s probably a fine line between what’s appeasement and what’s respect. But I would say that it’s appeasement.
B: Well, despite the dubious origin story, I’d say that Hawaii has and always has had enough good surfers to sustain itself as a separated surfing superpower. Hawaiians created the damn sport and were practicing it for centuries before it was spread globally. One could maybe say that surfing existed in Hawaii before the United States was even a country. But I’d have to consult with Matt Warshaw on that.
C: Let’s look at it this way: If Hawaii wanted to secede and become a sovereign nation, they’d have good reason to, what with the overthrow of their monarchy and the division of land by missionary families, but as long as they’re a state, then Hawaii is a part of America as far as I’m concerned. I think the surf world’s artificial respect for their “nation” is silly. Especially when Hawaii’s current guys on tour were mostly Caucasian. John John, Dusty Payne, Seabass. It’s not like giving Hawaii its own delineation is helping actual Hawaiians or guys with Hawaiian blood to get on tour. If anyone is prospering it’s just the haoles from that artificial delineation. Like, I could see how if a Duke Kahanamoku-type surfer got on tour again, Hawaii would want to claim him as a figure. Or, some Hawaiian with a Hawaiian name and Hawaiian blood. But to see the Hawaiian flag next to John John Florence’s face…does that make actual Hawaiians proud?
Awesomeish article, Cheddar! Some truly good-effort points almost laid down with erudite excellence. Bravo!
But .. WTF is wrong with a little nod to Hawaii?
Is it so hard for the white privileged of the world to show a sliver of respect to the culture that a) created surfing and made it central to their whole society way before Europeans arrived and surf companies invented ‘the lifestyle’; b) got brutally culturally raped by that invasive species and its gluttonous descendants?
The Hawaiian argument in the days of Rabbit Bustin’ was: you haoles have destroyed or stolen 98% of our culture and we’re not going to let you claim surfing from us, too.
Of course in most respects surfing has been entirely (mis)appropriated anyway. WSL, Rape Curl, Quickdollar, Billionbongs, Inertia, BeachGrit, etc – 100% stolen the Hawaiian national sport, so how hard is it to understand and respect that Hawaiians are not Oregonian, Californicates, Floridians etc. Surfing owes them that distinction, a symbolic nod of respect in a care-less world.
cunts would claim duke for aus team…
I hope the worst parts of this are tongue in cheek. But in case they’re not, congratulations on getting so much closer to your dream of being a tabloid journalist. I hope you got all the clicks you were hoping for.
Mason HAW
I don’t know if I really care about this.. as a fan.. I tend to gravitate to the surfer whom I feel is ripping, or has a combination of power and style.. In almost every event a surfer whom is not on my radar will do a turn or maneuver and be like wow! Ok.. Case in point. Watching Conner Coffin at Super Bank the top half of his torso had this weird rhythm couldn’t help but keep noticing kinda like a crazy blackhead on some poor guys face. You keep looking..
At bells he had couple turns was like OK more pleasing to the eye.. PS: Ask the guys on tour what they think.
My lawyers are drafting the paperwork to purchase Hawaii by (hopefully) 2017. When the Prince of Ubatuba takes the reigns all Hawaiian locals will be pushed off on rafts in the general direction of Samoa. Particularly fat people will be tied, face up for air flow, to the extremities of the raft for buoyancy. Commenters I like will be allowed to take up the homesteads of Hawaiians I hate e.g. Sunny Garcia, Kala Alexander, Kalani Robb, Jamie O’Brien and the Rothman Family. Are you writing all this down Chezza?
And Timberlands for all!
Am I Chezza? If yes, it is the first time in my entire life that I’ve been gifted an Australian nickname. Please say yes. Please.
I’m so sorry Chas but “Chezza” has already been taken by one of your brighter commenters. The following are still available for rent: Smithy, Smitho, Smithos, Chazzy, Chazzo, Chazos, Chazza, Cheezle, Cheez, Choz or Chozza. I’m really liking Chozza (and Choz for short) for you. When you get a reputation as a drunk your mates will start to call you Chozzos.
Can you imagine as you’re scrapping into a big Vicco bowl your mates yelling as their floating out in the rip “Go Chozza you mad cunt!!! Gitttt it SON!!”
I’ll take it! Oh thank you Wiggs… I won’t disappoint you!
First order of business should be burning Flynn Novak’s house to the ground in front of him then pissing onto its ashes. Hate that cunt.
Yeah can’t forget that fucker. He’s out.
…would I be entitled any nobility along with some feud in your realm, oh your stylish highness?
Of course Sandy. Food or feud?
feast…
Famine is more like it. Are the boys all on holiday or what? Three days with nary a word.
And re-name the North Shore as New Ubatuba?
Chas, Chas, Chas, you’re doing it all wrong… you should be directing Surfing mag’s web traffic here, not the other way around.
I think we almost beat them traffic-wise. A bone to that cute li’l thing!
of course HAW should stay, HI flag is closer to a Union Jack than stars & stripes. let surfing be ahead of the curve on a cultural issue for once.
I think you’re hundred percent right about the Stockholm syndrome thing I was a victim of that myself I think Hawaii gets its way because it used to be the proving ground for surfing but times of changed and everybody’s a haole you’re so right
its still the proving ground, the haoles just keep charging closeouts till the Uncles let them have set waves they won’t blow
i like Kelly because he from the east coast (besides everything else). We have Kelly and all you fuckers dont
Yup you have Kelly, but you also have shit waves, so I will stick to shit surfers and great waves….
damn you Jimmy, let me have this. I dont want to think about lake atlantic right now it hurts enough already
seems like even brazzo coastline gets more decent surf then us east, therefore kelly more then deserves the incensed freak status he got…
The Greatest Syrian Surfer ever.
That said, Wales, and Scotland have national teams in Rugby and Soccer, even though they’ve been a part of the UK for centuries and are on the same island. At least Hawaii has the geographic isolation..
Hawaiians invented the sport, a world champion from Hawaii is still representing Hawaiian legacy, even if he/she is a haole.
Despite their ties to the UK, Scotland and Wales are still technically countries of their own. And Peruvians invented surfing.
Africans been surfing canoes, bet Tahitians, Samoans, Maori, who wasn’t? the question is what was the first craft we could consider a surfboard, and HI has got that wrapped up. no fucking reed boats with Kelly’s new rocker.
Look out for Machado.. he’s gonna choke you out with his fro for that kinda talk…
The Scottish would be mightily aggrieved if there were a ‘Team HAW’ at the Olympics, while they were still forced to represent Great Britain (as they are). On which grounds I think it an excellent idea.
Never understood the WSL Hawaiian flag thing, seems like a totally meaningless gesture. When John John wins a world title no one is going to think, what a proud moment for Hawaii.
I wouldn’t assume that, as I can easily see Turpel saying EXACTLY that.
…
While we’re talking about this kind of stuff, maybe we can get Chas to promote and become a rep for Cascadia…
I love Cascadia! I actually love all separatist movements. I just don’t think they should be rewarded with their own flags unless they actually take up arms…
Imagine, though, the sense of pride you would feel with this draped over your dainty shoulders!
Hey, thats my home turf too, I would swell with pride to see that flag softly flapping behind a mugshot of Chas.
Arcadia over Cascadia *chest pounds*
Pride
hahahahahah.
Actually I think locals would be, at the very least those who surf and other haoles.
Take Zinedine Zidane, when he helped France win the world Cup the only people saying that he should be playing for Algeria would have been Algerians.
As much as immigrants are despised normally, you tend to like them when they’re winning shit for you.
I’m in Hawaii, Hawaiian and would be proud of JJF. He was born here and he takes pride in being from here.
“FEDERAL CONSTITUTION ADOPTED
The Constitution of the United States of America is adopted on behalf of the people of the State of Hawaii.”