A shaper spits in your face. How do you respond?
You’re in the market for a new board, and even though you’ve got a guy who’s been working for years, you decide to try out a new kid you’ve been seeing all over your local Craigslist. Really low prices, $200 below your usual shaper, because he hasn’t been around long and is working cheap to build a client base.
You ask around, get decent reviews, and decide to pull the trigger on a custom job. Nothing fancy, just a funky little low rocker small wave sled. The type of board that’s damn hard to fuck up.
Roll by the factory one day after work, put down your deposit, drop off your dims, and get the standard, “See you in four to six weeks.”
Six weeks come and go, you call him up to see what’s going on.
“Yeah, sorry, our glasser went on a bender again, we’re a little backed up. It’ll be done in a week.”
Another week passes, still no word. So you swing by again on your way home from work. Figure you can get things moving a little quicker by putting in an appearance. No one’s home, so you try again a few days later.
“Just finished shaping it,” he says, pointing to a random board in the middle of a pile of finished blanks. “They’re all getting glassed tomorrow. Be ready in a couple days.”
Kind of annoying, but still pretty standard. Few people make a career of building boards because they’re hard workers. Skilled craftsmen, sure. Nose to the grindstone types, not exactly. You’re not even bummed he lied and blamed the glasser. That’s what they’re there for.
Another two weeks pass and you get a text. “Your board’s ready, come by whenever.”
Life happens and you can’t make it down for a few more days. But it doesn’t matter, because the surf is shit and the weather is terrible. And since your board was over a month late you aren’t feeling a huge obligation to pay the man.
On day two the texts begin.
“Hey, board’s ready.”
“What’s up? Come get your board.”
“Not a storage locker, you need to come by.”
“We need the space, please come tomorrow.”
Okay, whatever. Fucking shapers, am I right? You text him back, say you’ll swing by on your day off. 10am, cash in hand, you’re there. He’s not. Your calls go straight to voicemail, don’t hear back for another week.
“Sorry, something came up. I’ll def be in tomorrow.”
You swing by on your lunch hour, glory of glories, he’s there! Tells you to wait a moment, goes and grabs your board.
What the hell is this? Two inches longer than you ordered, half an inch narrower. A domed deck with super pinched rails, early 90’s elf shoe flip in the nose. FCS2 thruster setup, rather than the Futures five fin you wanted.
“Hey, I, uh, think you got the wrong board.”
“Nope, this one’s yours.” Points to your name on the stringer.
“This isn’t what I ordered, I…”
“Yeah, I know. This is better.”
Whatever, fuck it. This is what you get for being a cheap bastard. And, who knows, maybe it’ll work. The FCS2 thing sucks, since all you own are Futures, but you’ll make do with the plastics. Even if you hate it, you should be able to flip it online to someone without eating too much of a loss.
You whip out your wad of cash and hand it over. He quickly counts it out and says, “Oh, shit, didn’t I tell you? We had to raise our prices.”
He wants $150 over what you were quoted.
“Oh, and the fins will be $40 more,” he says, pointedly glancing at a hand written sign taped to the wall.
No refunds on deposits under any circumstances.
What would you do?
I’d tell Robo to go back into the bay and get me my fucking board or I. Gonna squeeze his head right off his skinny neck
Pretty sure this is written about me.
I would see if his chic met my personal dimensions criteria, if so! Id put the heat on her.. If not give his mom a look.. Most young guys don’t know what they got! So be pretty easy..
I could probably put up with everything till: “Yeah, I know. This is better.”. I would give him options, though. Make the board I ordered or return the deposit. #pickitfromtherack .
i would ride this board at the fiji pro then persist with it at numerous world tour events ticking up 2nd round losses, then finally at bells, admit its a piece of shit and get a Simon.
Simon is a wonderful shaper!
That’s one hell of a long con. Kudos.
for a cheap but wonderful cold revenge dish go buy some prawns (shrimp) and put in a bucket in the hot sun. Next day you’ll have an evil smelling black liquid , get a syringe draw the black liquid in and squirt into this cunts window-house, factory or truck…..there’ll be a little gap somewhere to fit the syringe.
He’ll never get that smell out.
Evil evil man
thats an old trick used by a certain Byron shaper, now dead, to get back at over-zealous law enforcement in the early days.
I had a mate that did that with sheep’s liver but sowed it into his ex girlfriend’s (after being hideously dumped) favourite coat. They then got back together and after a few months he admitted what he did…he got dumped again
Damn Funny..
Say nothing, turn around and walk out cursing myself for being a cheap board slut.
I’d come back a few weeks later in the early hours of the morning and burn the cunts factory down.
I’d fucking wear the deposit, grab my cash back then snap it half in front of him and walk out
You know I find vexatious litigation sexy! Give me more Cunegonde!
Oh my little Cunegonde… you’re so smart. But remember that unless the lawyer wife is willing to be paid in nightly BDSM sessions the legal fees will absorb the damages amount within the first hour. I know this cos I tried to have sex with my lawyer.
I wouldn’t give him the cash, demand a refund of my deposit. If he doesn’t cough up the deposit money, Id walk over to his pile of finished boards, pick out something I like, flip him a few hundred for that, to keep my end of the bargain, then stroll on home. Then I’d tell everyone I knew, to never buy a board from him.
I bought a New Flyer recently. It was the dud, of dud boards. Had mates try it, guys who rip and know boards and they couldn’t believe they made this. I wasn’t tripping. I forked out $850 for that board, I was fuming, but what do you do in this instance? A huge, reputable, established company (Channel Islands for those who don’t know what a New Flyer is), that sell boards in the thousands and have half the CT riding their sleds.
I know guys that surf good that hated that board, then guys that rip love it. I think it’s the hips, you either love em or hate em.
Go through several torture scenes in my head, do nothing and just pay the previously agreed price…be bitter and moan about it for the rest of my life, end up losing my wife, friends and semblance of a normal life in a downwards spiral of depression
A former Prime Minister drops in on you:
http://www.skynews.com.au/c…
What do you do?
i would eat the deposit and lose my shit on him
Kick yourself in the nuts for being a cheap bastard. Few times.
What would I do if my wife was a lawyer?
Been there too many times. I buy stock boards now.
Probably get super mad, threaten to punch him in the face, eat the deposit, apologize, go home, stew in my anger, come up with ways to kill the dude, then do nothing.
I particularly liked the apologise part. I’d find a way to bring myself to the conclusion it was my fault approximately 5 minutes after thinking about running his head over with a truck.
I didn’t peg Rory as such a reasonable and patient pussy. If people treat you like this you must exert your physical dominance. Remember that tramp you beat up because she gave you a wet willy on the day of your operation? Even when he texts you “…blah blah storage locker” you should have been thinking of clever ways to compare his arse hole to a storage locker. I’m really disappointed.
I’d ram that glass slipper up his arse, feel sorry for myself and then realise I was a cunt who got what he deserved by trying to force down the cost of my shapers labour!
Don’t they have a union for…oh, never mind.