Five reasons why the tour will get the shakes without the greatest athlete in history…
More likely than not, Kelly Slater, 43-and-a-half years old, will step away from the pro tour after Pipe.
But wait.
It’s never that easy with Kelly. He’s been threatening to leave since he came back from retirement in 2002 (he finished ninth) after a three-year sabbatical.
However, 2015 is different. His small-wave game is shadowed by the barely believable histrionics of Filipe Toledo, Gabriel Medina and John John Florence. Kelly is smarter than most. He’ll preserve his legacy and step off the tour in 2015 rated second or third in the world, a result that will surprise even him this year.
He won’t disappear, of course. Kelly’ll appear, in 2016, at those events at which he excels, Fiji, Teahupoo, and will hover around the commentary booth.
But how will the tour look without Kelly Slater? Can it even survive? Let’s examine the five issues that’ll arise once Kelly splits.
1. Will the title matter?
Isn’t it something that Kelly is only a few thousand points off the title, well into his middle age, those harvest years? Let’s swing back to the years when Kelly wasn’t on tour, 1999, 2000 and 2001. In 1999 Occy won the title, Sunny got it the following year and CJ, in the abbreviated year of terrorism, the year after. Two of those titles went surfers far beyond their primes; the other was an anomaly of a six-event year.
Compare those titles to Andy’s three consecutive crowns fought against Slater. In 2016, without Kelly, the title will be the most open it’s been in a decade-and-a-half. But there’ll be a shadow of doubt on the winner.
As in, could he have beaten Kelly?
2. You can forget about the voodoo that strikes you in the heart
John John is very close to miraculous at Teahupoo and wherever else (yeah, ok, France). But it’s Kelly, who like Tom Curren a generation before him, who’ll conjure a 10-foot standup barrel where others were falling off in closeouts. Who’ll nail a full rotation in a stinging offshore to beat whoever he has to. It’s in Kelly’s fight-to-the-death nature. No other surfer has anything close to Kelly’s desire to win.
3. It helps if the Champ is lucid
Apart from being movie-star handsome, Kelly Slater is also the smartest guy on tour, a little too hot for conspiracy theories but nobody’s perfect. And so after a heat, or a contest, win or lose, Kelly will dissect in forensic detail his heat or event. He’ll push back on a commentator if they’re wrong and answer tough questions if he feels they’re warranted. And that passive-aggressiveness when he loses?Priceless! There is no other surfer on tour even close to Kelly when it comes to opening their mouths.
4. You can forget the mainstream coverage
News outlets can jam a story around the hub of Kelly Slater, the oldest athlete still shooting for world titles, former lover of Pam, Baywatch, slayer of the Andy dragon, committed bachelor, all that gear, whereas a piece about two 22-year-olds without much beyond their athletic ability, just doesn’t fly.
5. Kelly spikes
YouTube hits, crowds on the beach, everyone comes for Kelly. Take the Orca out of the marine park and all you’ve got is a pool full of jumping fish.
(Now let’s watch his world title interview in 1992)
(And world title 11 in 2011)
If I were in charge of the WSL, I would quit, and if I couldn’t, I would do the medical check-ups and body searches on the female competitors during the warm water events,
classicDR+true: “YouTube hits, crowds on the beach, everyone comes for Kelly. Take the Orca out of the marine park and all you’ve got is a pool full of jumping fish.”
#1 is 3 years out of date. He’s not a real contender today. Nobody will ask if Gabs could have beaten him, because he has. The rest – I”m guessing the tour will roll along just fine. Nobody’s really watching anyway.
If I were in charge of the WSL, I would hire Kelly as commissioner as soon as he drops off tour, in a effort to keep the smarts and aura in-house. Win-win-win situation: WSL wouldn’t have to face its Kelly dependence issues and also get massive respect points as a governing body. Kelly would probably be frothing with the job (allowing him to maintain a certain form of domination above competitive surfing). The public would get what they want: continued exposure to the king, the assurance that the sport is in good hands and finally the chance to have somebody with the ability and power to create a better, more exciting formula (improved competition format, flexible competition scheduling, 100% independent women tour…)
While I agree with you on most points, I think The King might not want to be pinned down with the day-to-day commissioner job. I wouldn’t doubt he’d bail if the waves were better somewhere else.
If I were in charge of the WSL I would put me into Chopes, Fiji, and Pipe as a wildcard so I can score 0.00 in each heat. Don’t tell me it cannot be done! 0.00 is the new 10! Come on, tell me it doesn’t look better on the screen.
0.00
10
And I will “poke” both male and female supermodels AT THE SAME TIME and record interviews post-coitus while puffing on my Oliva Serie V Melanio Figurado . Booyah beeeetches!
Don’t think the credibility gap is a prob anymore: Gabby smoked his bald head last year, he’s been beaten by Mick, Parko etc etc….not too much new talent coming on board that will suffer by comparison.
As for the Orca taken out of the pool, until Gabs or John John start poking super models, couldn’t agree more.
If I were in charge of the WSL, and I’m not, here is what I would do…… If KS steps away, let him know he has a wildcard to Chopes, Fiji, and Pipe. I would also give another crowd favourite (one of my favourites) a call, Dane, and let him know he has a wildcard in any event he wants, but also let him know he should do at least 6 events outside his sponsor wildcards. WSL problem solved.
I’d do the opposite. Let him go – having him around suggests the new kids can’t run the show on their own. Out of sight, out of mind.
I guess this is why I am not in charge
Poor naive boys…. Kelly OWNS the WSL, kid… Who do you think was behind Terry Hardy´s take over in ASP???