Jeremy Flores Tahiti
Teahupoo is the ultimate focus of masculinity, the testing ground of manhood. And, Jeremy Flores chewed his way through two near-perfect rides every heat, beating CJ, beating Kelly, beating Gabriel. The first surfer to win a contest, with helmet, since Tom Carroll at Pipe a quarter century ago.

Orgiastic: Jeremy Flores wins Billabong Pro, Tahiti!

World champ Medina swings a second, CJ retires with pride, Kelly hovers nearby…

Every reader of a sentimental turn must have been pleased with the tableau with which the little drama of the Billabong Pro concluded. For what was better than the resurrection of the non-brain damaged but helmet-wearing Jeremy Flores and the world champion Gabriel Medina, who had previously been having the worst season of his life?

Yeah, the waves got progressively shittier, the swell interval shorter, the wind stronger, and Gabriel tried to hustle Jeremy out of position, failing.

But out of nowhere, Jeremy appeared at the apex of a six-footer, a ride so almost perfect (9.77, two judges calling it a ten), that Jeremy exited and formed an artificial penis over his pubis mons with his hand. Such virility! An orgiastic climax!

“It was impeccable, the flair for dramatics, foam ball drifting… again,” said Peter Mel, the channel commentator.

It was Jeremy’s great tactic, to wait only for sets, for waves that were nine or better, that threw him past Kelly Slater (in Kelly’s 152nd quarter-final), then CJ Hobgood and, finally, Gabriel Medina.

“Exact repeat, he didn’t get frazzled by Gabriel’s frantic tactics. Gabriel started scrambling all over the place; Jeremy steadied the course,” said Ross Williams.

“Had the skills to pay the bills,” said Striker Wasilewski.

Jeremy: “Gabriel is one really tactical guy. I thought I’d play his game and his game is to be really aggressive in the water. So I’d be more aggressive.”

Even radder, is Jeremy’s comeback from a head injury (read here)  that kept him from competing at J-Bay. And now he wins? His first, since Pipe in 2010.

Highlights? Yeah, the first wave of the final:

Jeremy vs Kelly Slater, in the quarter finals:

Owen v Gabriel, semi one:

CJ v Jeremy, semi two:

But also, CJ Hobgood winning the AI Award for the Most Committed Surfer:

And, Filipe scored a perfect zero heat in round five! Watch here! But fans of a Filipe world title, fear not! The next event is Trestles. “He’s going to ride a white point down to Trestles! He’s such a stud!” said the commentator Ross Williams.

Billabong Pro Tahiti Final Results:
1: Jeremy Flores (FRA) – 16.87
2: Gabriel Medina (BRA) – 13.20

Billabong Pro Tahiti Semifinal Results:
SF 1: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 16.63 def. Owen Wright (AUS) 8.70
SF 2: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 15.86 def. C.J. Hobgood (USA) 8.93

Billabong Pro Tahiti Quarterfinal Results:
QF 1: Owen Wright (AUS) 16.93 def. Italo Ferreira (BRA) 15.94
QF 2: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 15.64 def. Kai Otton (AUS) 11.00
QF 3: C.J. Hobgood (USA) 12.90 def. Josh Kerr (AUS) 11.16
QF 4: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 16.83 def. Kelly Slater (USA) 15.66

Billabong Pro Tahiti Round 5 Results:
Heat 1: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 15.00 def. Filipe Toledo (BRA) 00.00
Heat 2: Kai Otton (AUS) 13.50 def. Bruno Santos (BRA) 11.76
Heat 3: C.J. Hobgood (USA) 14.36 def. Aritz Aranburu (ESP) 14.00
Heat 4: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 13.37 def. Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 13.21

2015 WSL Jeep Leaderboard Top 5 (after Billabong Pro Tahiti):
1: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 34,950 pts
2: Mick Fanning (AUS) 34,700 pts
3: Owen Wright (AUS) 34,400 pts
4: Julian Wilson (AUS) 33,200 pts
4: Filipe Toledo (FRA) 33,200 pts

Rude: British paper describes Prime Minister’s surf

Crimson-faced and puffed with effort...

The act of surfing, even at its most glorious, can still be an awkward dance. Arms flailing wildly, torso bent wrong, legs so spindly poking out of trunks or swathed in black neoprene. When lesser mortals partake it can look downright ludicrous but we love it and thus spare scientific description. No need to use the correct verbs. Better to simply emote and pretend we all look like swans.

But the British, dour and honest, see no need for restraint. Famed tabloid, The Daily Mirror, described Prime Minister David Cameron’s recent session in a way so painful that it is art. I reprint, in full, here. He was on a bodyboard, fyi, which makes it even more amazing. It also makes me very happy I am not British. My sensitive heart could, literally, not stand being talked about like this. So without further ado, I give you the best/worst thing ever written about surfing.

The portly Prime Minister donned a figure-hugging wetsuit on Polzeath beach in Cornwall while bemused security guards stood around…

Crimson-faced and puffed with effort, the portly Prime Minister finds the Cornish surf all a bit much. David Cameron donned a figure-hugging wetsuit and braved the grim August weather today as he surfed at Polzeath beach in Cornwall. But the driving rain and rolling waves soon had the Tory PM scampering back to shore for a cup of tea.

“He went running into the water like a 10-year-old kid,” an onlooker said. “It was like watching the opening scene of Baywatch!”

“He tried to surf but the waves were proper fierce. He soon came running out again – I think he got water in his ear.”

“They gave him some earplugs.”

Mr Cameron caught an ear infection on his first summer holiday in the Algarve earlier this month. He is spending this week in Cornwall and also plans to squeeze in a trip to Scotland before Parliament returns next month.

read for yourself here…

CJ Hobgood Tahiti
"I came out on pillows!" said CJ after. "He came out on a bag of marshmallows," said Ross Williams.

Vitalised: Rounds 3 and 4, Billabong Pro, Tahiti

"I came out on pillows," says CJ after 10-pointer…

From the scoffing superiority of the couch, this year’s Tahiti Pro has been an easy target. Dirty winds, lazy swells, moody days. Who wouldn’t be inclined to point out the weakness of a tour overloaded with surfers and rounds and fixed contest dates?

Today, however, with a long-interval south-west swell leaving the reef exposed like a lunar crater for most of the day, we were given a snappy, exhilarating contest. All those plunging, crashing bodies and hurting limbs!

Rounds three and four were completed, Owen Wright, Gabriel Medina, Josh Kerr and Kelly Slater  into the quarter-finals.

“We have seen carnage today,” said the commentator Ron Blakey. “There were wipeouts today that made me feel sick.”

“It’s a six-foot swell acting like a 10-foot swell,” said the commentator Ross Williams.

“I can’t feel my arm!” hollered Kai Otton to the channel.

“I felt like I was floating in my mum’s womb. It was like I’d been slapped by Kai-Borg,” said Josh Kerr. “My brain was in another planet!”

If you weren’t affixed to your computer or television, these are the highlights you should watch.

Jeremy Flores, high nine. “He’s such a little dog!” said Ross Williams.


CJ Hobgood’s 10-pointer. “I came out on pillows!” said CJ after. “”He said, ‘I’m going to go down with the ship’ and it paid off for him. He came out on a bag of marshmallows.” said Ross Williams.



Josh Kerr’s stand-up-straight cabana (scroll to the end.) “Josh Kerr’s such a stud,” said Ross Williams.



Gabriel’s near ten. “It was twice as good as anything I saw,” said Ross Williams.



And Kelly Slater, who’ll swim within a thousand points of Adriano de Souza if he wins Tahiti, just won his round four heat, with ninety seconds left. A skirmish with a serious knuckle of a wave that stole the heat. Nearly ten!

“I was looking at it, doubting it, hoping it would back off. I almost pulled back but I went just to see what would happen,” said Kelly Slater. “What if I let this go and it’s the one? The first foam ball bounced me, slowed me down, second slowed me down more, then I came out on blue face and thought, I got it! Looked up and the lip was in front of me and I still had work to do. I came out on the closeout.”

Billabong Pro Tahiti Round 3 Results:
Heat 1: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 16.97 def. Brett Simpson (USA) 12.50
Heat 2: Kai Otton (AUS) 13.13 def. Bede Durbidge (AUS) 12.00
Heat 3: Owen Wright (AUS) 18.23 def. Dusty Payne (HAW) 15.70
Heat 4: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 16.10 def. Jadson Andre (BRA) 9.83
Heat 5: Gabriel Medina (HAW) 19.00 def. John John Florence (HAW) 18.84
Heat 6: Bruno Santos (BRA) 16.20 def. Adriano de Souza (BRA) 13.70
Heat 7: Aritz Aranburu (ESP) 15.17 def. Mick Fanning (AUS) 6.67
Heat 8: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 16.83 def. Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 8.66
Heat 9: Josh Kerr (AUS) 15.80 def. Adrian Buchan (AUS) 13.67
Heat 10: Kelly Slater (USA) 14.06 def. Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 13.33
Heat 11: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 18.87 def. Joel Parkinson (AUS) 14.60
Heat 12: C.J. Hobgood (USA) 13.60 def. Julian Wilson (AUS) 9.50

Billabong Pro Tahiti Round 4 Results:
Heat 1: Owen Wright (AUS) 14.84, Filipe Toledo (BRA) 13.06, Kai Otton (AUS) 12.70
Heat 2: Gabriel Medina (HAW) 17.64, Italo Ferreira (BRA) 17.10, Bruno Santos (BRA) 6.84
Heat 3: Josh Kerr (AUS) 13.20, Aritz Aranburu (ESP) 11.43, Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 6.40
Heat 4: Kelly Slater (USA) 16.60, Jeremy Flores (FRA) 14.66, C.J. Hobgood (USA) 8.30

Billabong Pro Tahiti Round 5 Match-Ups:
Heat 1: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Italo Ferreira (BRA)
Heat 2: Bruno Santos (BRA) vs. Kai Otton (AUS)
Heat 3: Aritz Aranburu (ESP) vs. C.J. Hobgood (USA)
Heat 4: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Wiggolly Dantas (BRA)

tow in surfing

Five Things You Didn’t Know About Tow

This wake-surf hybrid is almost 25 years old! But how much do you know about tow?

1. Herbie Or Laird

Herbie Fletcher had been whipping surfers into Pipe on his Kawasaki jet ski years before Laird Hamilton, Buzzy Kerbox and Darrick Doerner used an inflatable dinghy to get into big Sunset. But where Herbie’s efforts were viewed as a novelty, an oddity characteristic of the Californian, Laird and friends kickstarted a trend. Photos of the gang being towed into monstrous Peahi aka Jaws on Maui while helicopters roared overhead and all shot by photographer Eric Aeder opened the door to surfing beyond what was believed to be paddled into. Lately, of course, Shane Dorian, the Florences, Makua Rothman, Matt Meola, Albee Layer and co have proved capable of paddling waves we used to think far beyond human ability.

2. It Usually Isn’t a Jet Ski

Jet Ski is the name Kawasaki used to describe their craft; Yamaha chose WaveRunner. For various reasons, the Yamaha became the go-to craft although we still continue to use as a generic term, jet ski.

3. It’s Easier Than You Think to Kill Yourself

Operating a jet ski in large waves requires the deftness of a cat and the water knowledge of an open-ocean sea captain. If the jet is ever out of the water you lose power and subsequently all steering. Hit a wave side on and you’ll capsize. Ever tried to right one of these things solo? Or drag one off the beach? Because most big waves break into channels, and you’re coming from some kind of boat ramp or port, it’s very easy to get into a situation far beyond your abilities.

Carlos Burle jetski wipeout
“Jet skis weren’t designed for surfing,” says Carlos Burle, pictured here demonstrating what happens when the key comes out of the ignition, which they do, often, and you lose power at critical juncture.

4. Almost Anyone Can Ride a 30-foot Wave

If you can stand on a surfboard, if you can hold onto a tow rope and if you have even the vaguest ability steer a surfboard, you can be whipped into one of those 30-foot burgers you see online. Whether or not you survive a clean-up is another matter, however.

5. It’s Out of Vogue

Every big-wave surfer of any sort of reputation in 2015 will be attempting to paddle the biggest waves not tow. The debate over Nazaré and Belharra will simmer quietly while men with 11-foot surfboards attempt what was once deemed not just impossible but suicidal.

Long awaited: Surfing legitimized!

Duke Kahanamoku stars on Google's homepage!

As surfers, we’ve been living in society’s shadows for a century. We ply our trade out at sea and then slink around on land, trying to scrape enough dignity together to stave off suicidal thoughts. But as of today we are free! We have been immortalized on Google’s home page!

It seems clear, now, that Google would be our savior. The search engine company has a new office in Venice Beach, CA. I walked by, once, and saw many Wavestorms stacked by the front entrance. “Could it be?” I thought to myself “Could it be that the overlords actually surf?”

Of course they do. They probably rip! And today the great Duke Kahanamoku smiles at you while you search “Famous(ish) surfers who posed nude!”

Thanks Google.