Kelly Slater turns fifty three
Kelly Slater holds bebe, but not his, and, right, candid photo by girlfriend Kalani Miller. | Photo: @kalanimiller

Tributes flow for surfer Kelly Slater, regarded as greatest athlete ever

By 1998, Slater had won six world titles, including five in a row, before shifting into a three-year retirement.

As the tour moves to the Sharia-law ruled United Arab Emirates and the world holds its breath as to the fate of queer surfer Tyler Wright, who risks execution, lengthy imprisonment, maybe a stoning etc, one man is quietly celebrating his fifty-third birthday, the greatest athlete ever Kelly Slater.

And the surfing world, from big-wave wrangler Shane Dorian to the World Surf League to photographer Todd Glaser and his Chinese-American bikini mogul gal Kalani Miller, the mammy to his unnamed bebe, have showered Kelly Slater in praise, festooning their personal Instagram accounts with candid photos and stunning tribute.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Kalani Miller (@kalanimiller)

Kelly Slater was born on February 11, 1972, obvs, in Cocoa Beach, Florida. His first name Bobby but always went by Kelly, middle names used as first names real common in the south.

His Daddy Stephen owned a bait-and-tackle shop and Mama Judy worked as an EMT and firefighter. Kelly grew up with two brothers, Sean and Stephen.

Slater began surfing at the age of five, first up on a booger with fins and shifted to regular prone surfing when he was eight.

By 1998, Slater had won six world titles, including five in a row from ’94 to 98, before shifting into a three-year retirement. He was lured out of his hammock in 2002 after Andy Irons threatened to surpass his world title record.

Slater would win five more world titles, his last in 2011, before continuing to pivot in and out of retirement, although now, despite moving beautifully at the Pipe Pro, it seems like he’s pretty much done, a cameo here and there at Pipe and Teahupoo the only times we’ll see him.

Too many fond memories of Kelly Slater to count, although his work online, with his innumerable blood feuds, fingers dripping acid, rarely fail to please.

Regular readers of BeachGrit have thrilled to such classics as,

“Kelly Slater lashes out at ‘young people’ and common core math while getting answer wrong on Instagram question.” 

“Kelly Slater sparks all-in, multi-front feud pulling in world champs, other pro’s and journalists after posting new comment on Instagram!”

“Blood feud: Slater vs Flat Earthers!” 

“Internet troll checkmates Kelly Slater in war of words hours before champ is bundled out of own event!”

“Controversy explodes online as world’s most thin-skinned surfer Kelly Slater excoriates others for being ‘triggered’ vows vengeance after told to ‘eat a bag of dicks’.”

Only last week, Slater was garlanded with universal praise by online commenters after his “best” and “most savage” Instagram takedown ever.

Happy birthday to the Champ!

 

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Tom House
Tom House
1 year ago

Surfing was cooler when we all hated Slater

Keith Grace
Keith Grace
1 year ago

But do we have a name for the child yet?

Picard Madeoff
Picard Madeoff
1 year ago

We are left to wonder why Kelly hasn’t hooked up with another has been Lindsey Vonn as they both seem to be in the depths of despair over their ever-growing irrelevance

Noncompetitor
Noncompetitor
1 year ago

It was nice to see the old man thread a few tubes last week

Rocks local
Rocks local
1 year ago

… and let’s not forget the greatest tribute ever to RKS — and Steve: https://beachgrit.com/2024/04/on-childhood-loss-and-growing-up-in-the-shadow-of-surfings-mozart/

Picard Madeoff
Picard Madeoff
1 year ago
Reply to  Rocks local

Your tribute hit hard as we’re all haunted by childhood friends and heroes lost along the way. Also, your piece reminded me of the many hours spent at Salt Creek watching groms and their dads along with other impressive surfers ply their trade while wondering if any of them will be the next Kelly Slater.

Rocks local
Rocks local
1 year ago
Reply to  Picard Madeoff

getting older a bitch no doubt

Picard Madeoff
Picard Madeoff
1 year ago
Reply to  Rocks local

It is a fascinating dynamic and I find myself enjoying things I never thought I’d enjoy at this age while I contemplate the heavy parts. The irreverence of BG, the wild west of Musk’s X, the physical abuse of climbing mtns, paddling outside just to watch good surfers to name a few.

Rocks local
Rocks local
1 year ago
Reply to  Picard Madeoff

Good list and Dynamic is right. Wish I had done some things differently in my early years while simultaneously not wanting to have done anything to prevent me from ending up where I am now. Do wish someone had told me early on that save a handful of true rocket scientists, they’re all just dumb fucks struggling to look brilliant, no matter how high up the ladder they appear to have climbed.

Picard Madeoff
Picard Madeoff
1 year ago
Reply to  Rocks local

They’re all just humans after all and I learned a few decades ago to find ways to NOT rip most of their hearts out. In ’03 learned to put my ego in check to use corporate America to fund our family goals until I left that cesspool in ’11 to start a small firm and only work with people I like and respect.

k55
k55
1 year ago

Fond memories of Slater?
Haha.
Every time I see his name, I literally get a little cringe of pain, (true), (combined with a wish he would just disappear from the surf world).

Abscessed Llama
Abscessed Llama
1 year ago

Last minute plus of Jordy’s “Plus 27 Redux” well worth the visit..

notsurfingtoday
notsurfingtoday
1 year ago

Read the title and thought he’d died!

JohnsKnees
JohnsKnees
1 year ago

Kinda surprised he didn’t give himself a birthday celebration on the gram.

Keith Grace
Keith Grace
1 year ago
Reply to  JohnsKnees

Give it time. He strikes me as the kind of guy who gives himself a birthday week.

david fffff
david fffff
1 year ago

Greatest dad ever

Starting……. now!

Strider's Gobble Neck
Strider's Gobble Neck
1 year ago

“Kelly Slater was born on February 11, 1972, obvs”

Very slick, Derek. But that didn’t get past me! I’ll have you know, he is biologically in his mid 30s!

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
1 year ago

A true reader!

k55
k55
1 year ago

“Fond memories”?
Of Slater?
Shirley you jest?

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
1 year ago
Reply to  k55

I ain’t Shirley and no jest!

deeks
deeks
1 year ago

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

you’re kidding right

deeks
deeks
1 year ago
Reply to  deeks
tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
1 year ago

“Dat’s our baby.” Blake Lively
What? Ryan Reynolds

"Helmets... Period."
"Helmets... Period."
1 year ago

I like that the baby being unnamed is continuing as a bit even after he said the baby’s name in one of his post-heat interviews

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
1 year ago

Is it Tao?

Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
1 year ago

No, misheard! It’s Sanyo Cuntoss McGinty!
Xox

Panda's sack rash
Panda's sack rash
1 year ago

Towel Slater
How many fucking times do I need to tell people.

deeks
deeks
1 year ago

2nd name Lee

Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
1 year ago

Flog Rag Miyagi.
Xox

Ciao Chianca
Ciao Chianca
1 year ago
Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
1 year ago

Pretty sure that’s what Ross said!

Would fit with current Pro Surfing Child Naming Conventions

Keith Grace
Keith Grace
1 year ago

I missed that. So we have a name?

Barrelled
Barrelled
1 year ago

What the heck is prone surfing Dez?

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
1 year ago
Reply to  Barrelled

Oops! But too funny to change!

pipspuss
pipspuss
1 year ago
Reply to  Barrelled

It’s sorta like prone boning.

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
1 year ago
Reply to  Barrelled

Boogie boarding?

Sup Braj
Sup Braj
1 year ago
Reply to  Barrelled

Dez writes the articles for prone bono


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