Plagiarism, great minds or monkeys strapped to keyboards?

An online sleuth has shocked the surf journalism world after he revealed that the Rupert Murdoch-owned tabloid news.com.au used almost identical wording from BeachGrit in a story about Tyler Wright heading to Abu Dhabi where she’ll bravely test that Emirate’s anti-gay laws. 

In a fitting slice of irony, your ol pal DR only wrote the story ‘cause he couldn’t find a damn thing of interest out there so since the tour was heading to the Middle East, why not swing back a few months to when Keala Kennelly, Tyler’s brother Mikey and Mikey’s wife Shenay lit up at the WSL for running a contest here gays can theoretically be executed for finding a little of that wild, but forbidden, love. 

The story was such a predictable gambit Tyler’s shaper Jon Pyzel, my third favourite in the game, a few strokes behind Johnny Cabianca and Matt Biolos DM’d me before I’d even written it predicting its arrival. 

“Slow year for surf news?” the transcendentally sexy Pyzel wrote in response to a story sourced from the BBC about sexist surfboard shapers. “Can’t wait to read the latest (regurgitated) piece about Tyler and Abu Dhabi.” Pyzel added an “Oh brother” emoji for effect. 

Anyway, I threw the thing together, fingers cramping from all the cutting and pasting, although I spent a few minutes on trying to describe Sharia Law. 

I eventually settled on,

The UAE’s penal code is ruled by divine revelations coded into what is called Sharia Law. Homosexuality is illegal with jail terms up to fourteen years. Fines and imprisonment exist for a little gay kissing in public.

When the story went live the BeachGrit commenter Gil Gunderson wrote, “Baited and clicked. Bravo, sir.” 

And he was right! 

But he didn’t know how right! 

The following morning, news.com.au ran a story called, Tyler Wright will compete in wave-pool event in Abu Dhabi where homosexuality is outlawed which contains the passage,

The UAE’s penal code is ruled by divine revelations coded into Sharia Law that makes homosexuality illegal, with fines and imprisonment for as little as gay kissing in public.

You see? A little similarity there? 

Or am I tripping on the delicious mushroom chocolate I imported from Byron Bay?

Three choices: plagiarism, great minds or me and the unnamed news stringer are just a couple of dumb ol monkeys with keyboards strapped to our chest and we somehow hit the same pattern of keys. 

I lean toward the third.

"I’ll confess I had to read that multiple times to believe it. I wondered if it was opposites day and no one had told me."

I am a bad correspondent, but you all know that by now. I am so easily distracted from the super important business of watching surfing heats. The sun comes out, there’s a bit of swell in the water, and off I go, leaving you to watch Tyler Wright’s double-grab cutback without me.

I am not even going to apologize for this crime.

By now, you’ve seen the results. Tyler Wright won the 2025 Lexus Pipe Pro by beating Caity Simmers in the final. I’ll confess I had to read that multiple times to believe it. I wondered if it was opposites day and no one had told me. It was not, in fact, opposites day.

If you only watch one heat, pick the semi-final between Caity and Molly Picklum. It was a total banger and a reminder, if we needed one, that they are currently the best two women in the world at surfing Pipeline. Go watch that thing.

As for the rest, well, I guess you could say that finals day was a land of contrasts. All four quarterfinal heats at the Lexus Pipe Pro were lopsided affairs and quite honestly slow going.

In the day’s first heat, Lakey Peterson beat Isabella Nichols with a heat total of 6.50. Isabella tried for a deep tube, but couldn’t wrangle her way out of it. There wasn’t much more to it.

Over the past few years, Tyler has become adept at slipping through tubes at Backdoor, and she put it to use in the second heat of the day.

In their quarterfinal match-up, Tyler smoked Caroline Marks. With her backside barrel riding looking super sus, Caroline only managed a 3.50 heat score. Tyler, meanwhile, cruised through this one with an 11.84. If you believe in foreshadowing, this heat was perhaps a good example of that sort of thing.

Watching Caity paddle out was like watching the main act take the stage after the opening bands. Immediately she showed her wizardry and found the kind of deep barrel that had eluded the rest of the field. Caity opened her quarterfinal against Sawyer Lindblad with a 7.00 that paired a smooth tube ride with a stylish finishing turn.

Surprisingly, Sawyer mostly watched this heat. She’s usually a feisty one, and has the skills, so I expected to see a more competitive heat from her. Girl, a 1.43 isn’t going to do it. Caity romped all over this one, and advanced with a 14.50.

In the last heat of the quarterfinals, Molly Picklum steamrolled through Brisa Hennessey. It wasn’t quite the commanding performance we might have expected from Molly, but she didn’t need to bring her best surfing to this one. Though she’s typically been a consistent heat surfer the past few years, Brisa couldn’t make anything happen in this one. She hit a couple close-outs and that was all she had to offer. Molly took it easily.

After missing the cut last year, Lakey will be happy to start her season with a semifinal finish at the Lexus Pipe Pro. On the opening exchange, it looked like it would be a close heat with both women scoring 6’s. Although Lakey’s improved at Backdoor she couldn’t match Tyler, who went from deep to score an 8.60. I will never love Tyler’s finishing turns, but her front side tube riding is solid, and she won this one readily.

When Caity and Molly paddled out, the energy level immediately lifted. They both came to play and it was the first heat that actually felt like high-level competition with well-matched surfers who each had the skills for the conditions. Caity and Molly are the future of women’s surfing and the rest of the field still has some work to do to catch up.

Molly got the first wave, but it wasn’t a score. Behind her, Caity dropped smoothly into a short, deep tube and made an easy exit. It earned her an 8.17, but Molly answered back. Using both arms to stall, Molly rode out of a longer barrel. She got hung up on the close-out turn, but it was enough to put her in the lead, which she held through a long lull. Caity needed a 3.84.

She got it and then some. Going from deep, Caity pumped through a chandelier and then disappeared. Emerging, she pulled her usual stylish finishing turn before looking for a tiny cover-up at the end. She didn’t find it, but that’s Caity: Always be looking for the barrel. It was technical, precise surfing from the best barrel rider in the game right now. A 9.50, the score put Caity into the lead.

Molly never gave up, but her second score, a 7.80, wasn’t enough. She hit a couple of close-outs, but couldn’t find another scoring wave. Molly can’t quite match Caity’s finesse in the tube, but her willingness to keep charging makes her a more than worthy rival for the 2024 world champ. I can’t wait to see their future match-ups and this heat delivered.

And it was always going to be a hard act to follow. The final was ruthlessly anti-climactic. The onshores rolled in and created speedbumps on the wave faces. What was left of the swell turned sleepy and inconsistent.

On her first ride, Caity face-planted on the take-off. From the camera angle, it was hard to see whether she hit windchop or if she simply slipped, but her magic seemed to desert her. Caity spent the heat pulling into close-outs and dropping low scores. Tyler only needed a 6.00 and a 1.70 to best the reigning world champion.

By beating Caity in the final, Tyler opened her 2025 season with a win at the Lexus Pipe Pro. It marked her second event victory at Pipe, after she won the 2020 edition of Honolua that finished at Pipe. In recent seasons, Tyler’s had a lengthy drought, and until Saturday at Pipe, she’d gone winless since the Rip Curl Bells Beach event in 2023.

Next up, the Championship Tour heads next to Abu Dhabi to compete in the wave pool. The shift from Hawai’i, one of surfing’s birthplaces and its cultural home to a mechanical wave in the desert feels remarkably dystopian. Welcome to the future. The robots are coming for us. Mechanical is predictable, and the contest runs from 14-16 February. Clear your schedules.

With her win at Pipe, Tyler Wright takes over the top of the rankings as world number one.

She also heads to Abu Dhabi where it’s illegal to be gay.

Happy fucking Valentine’s Day.

Sportswashing is an ugly beast that requires constant feeding, human rights be damned.

I hate her cutback, but Tyler deserves better. We all do.