"We gave him a name for his birth certificate, but, as of now, we don't have a name to call him."
In an uncharacteristically relaxed and candid interview with 1988 world champion Barton Lynch, who clinched his own title at perfect eight-to-twelve-foot Pipeline but is now more famous for his WSL broadcasts, Kelly Slater has revealed his pleasingly non-conformist approach to naming his newborn kid.
Kelly Slater, fifty-three next birthday, just became a daddy for the second time, although it’s the first kid for Ms Kalani Miller, the thirty-six-year-old Chinese American girl boss of Mikoh swimwear.
Slater broke the news his son had been born when he explained why he missed a couple of Olympic heats saying, well, you know, a new kid and all, you sleep a little different.
“We got a little boy and my friends think we’re playing a game with him, because we haven’t said the name,” says Slater.
“Because we actually, we don’t actually don’t call him anything. We gave him a name for his birth certificate, but, as of now, we don’t have a name to call him. So, we’re kind of just, like, letting him figure out what his personality is.”
“When the name pops it pops,” says BL who suggested “Grommet” as a filler name.
“We don’t want to necessarily go off that template, but it took us three months to name our dog…so it might take a year,” says Slater, referring to their twelve-year-old chihuahua Action, who often travels with the pair on their adventures.
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Duke Eddie Slater
The dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. They’ve had nine months to think about it. Wonder if they vaccinated him..
I’m going with “Sun-of a douche bag”
If only given a year maybe Vanchitinpants will work
Poor kid
It’s not about you Kelly, get over yourself & put the little guy first
Sorry for the sobering addition here folks, but I’m extremely worried for this kid, and in part the kid’s mom, as well as Kelly himself. Teachers know how this goes. If dad does not wake up and take the full reign with his partner and make parenting the absolute top priority above all else, this will make everything so so much more challenging in years to come for all involved. Not trying to be funny here. Honestly not trying to criticize the GOAT. Just concerned for all of them. Teachers see this scenario play out too much. There is work to be done here. It’s certainly not too late. Perhaps it’s already begun, beyond a baby name.
It will be a variant of Tom Marvolo Riddle but done so that you rearrange it to say “Son of Kelly Slater the GOAT”
edit: https://ingesanagram.com/ comes up with some epic lols if you put that phrase in.
Slade’s nanny calls him Jimmy Jr. Congrats you three!
Jaime “Tomas” Lee The Entertainer
That is so stupid
10 more years of Ke11y living this far up his own ass and he’ll be erecting shirtless statues of himself around his property https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
The guy’s a fuckin’ dick
Presumably she is too
And once their kid has named himself after figuring out his personality, he’ll get to read this article (and others) in the nearish future and realise that his oldies are dicks…
didn’t get the memo “all you dicks are fired…” no regrets, Barbarela.
He’ll wait until the champions are crowned on Finals Day to announce the baby name.
A day of the year typically reserved for Kelly’s annual retirement announcement
Fuck haha, so much projection from us tortured souls of wounded inner children.
Xox
“He who cannot be named” is already taken by the Dwarves guitarist. Maybe try “Inaction”.
Fraction!!
Xox
How long till the kid hears “you’ll never be as good as me”.
Yesterday.
Xox
Tuesday can take one in one of 2 directions: Addams’ Family or Lynyrd Skynyrd…
or Moody Blues…
beware: Tree huggers ahead~
The older he gets the less I want to hear him speak… Or fuck…maybe its the older I get the less I want to hear him speak.
It would be very Ke11y like to name him Ke11y.
Don’t be a fuckwit. It’ll be Eleven after his favourite band.
Xox
But it’s pronounced “keoni”
Not uncommon when one believes they are brilliant, Yet in reality those thoughts swirling around his feeble mind are nothing more than the marginal thinking of surfer who made money on his talent not his brains…never confuse athletic success for intelligence.
But, he knows more than most doctors according to him.
Exhibit A in the annals of athletes confusing athletic success with their erroneous belief people care what they think, much less believe they are more intelligent than the average speed bump.
Training for the LA Olympics…”I will cross-over…manana…away from street racing.”
So the dog is four times more important than the kid?
Xox
Looks like Kelly’s determined to screw up his second chance at parenting
“We gave him a name for his birth certificate”.
Cheap. Funny. Character revealing.
Also congrats K&K
I doubt he’ll blow you
Oh so like a proper name like Robert Kingsley but they will employ a street cred name like Javier Poopenstall.
Xox
“Kelly! We need more diapers…make-up your mind and clean-out my breast pump.” Three thoughts from Kalani..
Meme me.
“For His Birth Certificate” is a pretty unique name though