"It’s a slice of heaven and it’s getting really crappy.”

Ahhhh summer in coastal Southern California. A blanket of gray that lovingly smothers the Pacific touching bits into middle July. Millions, cooking inland, fleeing their god-forsaken lands to cool themselves in the temperate waters. The joys of cultural mingling and understanding.

Except this year where rage is percolating and particularly in Laguna Beach long known for its surf adjacency (Gotcha was headquartered here) and gentle artists (once a year people pretend to be in paintings).

But you recall learning of the Laguna Beach surf-artist who roped off a portion of sand in front of her house then screamed expletives at a mother and child daring trespass.

She, it appears, just the tip of the spear. The entire community is up in arms, mad as hell and, apparently, not willing to take it any more. Local Greg Viviani goes down to the beach and picks up loads of trash himself, also finding empty bottles of green apple flavored Smirnoff Ice and sex toys, according to The Los Angeles Times. “It never ends,” he told the paper. “You can clean it all up in one day and it’ll be covered with trash tomorrow.”

Others, calling it “destructive tourism” are pushing city officials to do something about the mess and taking out local advertisements targeting “litter, cigarette smoke and loud vehicle exhaust.”

“I know we’re all very protective of our community, but we’re getting this everywhere, and I don’t think we can necessarily expect it to change because it gets hot inland and people just pour in here,” Mayor Sue Kempf said at a city council meeting. “It’s a problem.”

Joanne McMahon, who grew up either in or near Laguna Beach, felt the issue was tourist promotion, declaring, “I feel like we’re promoting tourism to the point of just over impact. Why do we need to continue to promote this for visitors? We can’t handle what we’ve got now” later adding, “It’s a slice of heaven and it’s getting really crappy.”

War in paradise.

Which side would you take? Ciggies and Smirnoffs or Pageant of Masters?

"Ey, better luck next time zon, go back to your ocean."

I spent yesterday commuting back to California from glorious France where each sunset is a bouquet, each croissant as if handmade Nina Métayer herself, each bite of foie gras, street accordion note of La Vie en Rose, every “bonjour” from neighborhood gendarmerie passing three by three with a doff of beret an event worth enshrining forever in the Louvre.

Alas it is over, the 2024 Olympics now finished alongside the Paris Opera Ballet’s famed Ecole de Danse summer intensive program and the commute home was rough, landing in a wildly overcrowded LAX, ugly aging functional architecture assaulting the eyes but much better than Olympic surfing silver medalist Jack Robinson as he returned to his Australian home and was assaulted, verbally, by a French expat working in the Brisbane airport.

Robinson took to TikTok where he shared the encounter with his 67 million followers, revealing, “Yeah ze French guy in the Australian customs. So on my way back from Tahiti I arrive from ze flight and I get ze dec-er-al-ation, I come to ze customs, the guy looks at me and says ‘Ey, better luck next time zon, go back to your ocean.'”

@jackrobinsonsurf What are the odds of being welcomed like this #TeamAustralia #olympics ♬ original sound – Jack Robinson

Unclear why Western Australian native was using the typical German “ze” to re-mock the employee, which was eminiscent of the wonderful scene in Snatch where Jason Statham fun made Stephen Graham for carrying a gun.

In any case, most of Robinson’s fans found the encounter funny, responding in typical Australian “ha ha ha classic, mate” fashion though some dug deep to their inner Brazilian and became incensed. One penned, “Forget the customs officer…This kind of person that hates and provokes everyone, including the French…French really love Australians” and “He can go back to his ‘La Seine.'” Another, “Bro the French are cocky asf, you did good man” and “Why the French so smug? That’s a Tahitian gold, not a ‘French’ one.”

I guess with the lack of death threats and poop emojis not, in fact, Brazilian but, like Turkish, Tommy and ze Germans, fun nonetheless.