Koa Rothman: “Just happy I’m not worse!”

By Chas Smith

7 years ago

Eddie Rothman's middle son almost decapitated by a board ditcher!

Surfline is a fine online publication and today its esteemed editor, Marcus Sanders, posted a piece today about Koa Rothman, Eddie’s middle son, getting his head taken off by what appears to be a kook in the southern hemisphere somewhere.

Marcus writes, “Thing is, it’s kind of amazing this is the first serious injury of the year. Rothman and his Shadow Company brethren Nathan Florence, Luke Davis and Billy Kemper (and others) have been on an absolute tube-bender so far this spring/summer.”

I was, first, very surprised to know that Koa Rothman, Nathan Florence, Luke Davis and Billy Kemper had a squad called Shadow Company. Further digging into Surfline‘s archive describes them thusly.

There are the SOLDIERS IN UNIFORM — the GUYS IN JERSEYS, walking in lockstep, following the rules and the contests — and then there are the SELECT FEW guys behind the guys.

Very chic. Like Noa Deane minus an alcohol induced “Fuck the WSL” and now you know about them too. Like the A-Team minus Howling Mad Murdock.

But, more to the point, the kook and Koa Rothman’s near death experience. You can watch the video here and it is deeply disturbing. A clearly not very savvy surfer ditching his board, unnecessarily (doesn’t it totally look like he would have made it over that shoulder?), which proceeds to smash Koa in the head. The young man tells Marcus, “I don’t who he was. I remember he was saying ‘sorry,’ but he had a helmet and booties, so I didn’t really see his face. I’m not mad, I’m just happy I’m not worse. Like blind or dead or something.”

Marcus then asks, “Any lessons from this?” to which Koa answers, “I think there’s so much that everyone can learn,” Rothman says. “You could tell he wasn’t comfortable. And when you’re not comfortable surfing somewhere, you’re probably not only endangering yourself, but absolutely everyone. I’m just surprised it doesn’t happen more often.”

Oh if you are like me then your blood will boil when you watch. Is there any sort of good mob justice surfers can deliver when this sort of thing happens? An act which will scare board ditchers from the water forevermore?

Should board ditchers have to surf with scarlet BDs hanging from their necks? I think this would be appropriate but what do you think?

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Surfing makes us all cry at one time or another!

Ouch: Man loses $100,000 while surfing!

By Chas Smith

7 years ago

And what is the most expensive thing surfing has taken from you?

Not just any “man” but hot rapper Slim Jxmmi and not just any $100,000 but a customized, diamond encrusted $100,000 chain and not just any surfing but crowd surfing.

Let’s read about it on a rap website!

Slim Jxmmi of Rae Sremmurd might go down in the Guinness Book of World Records for taking the most expensive crowd surf ever. Yesterday (July 3), the recent Billboard award winners were performing in Paris, when Slim decided to turn up and catch a wave in the crowd. Unfortunately, his newly purchased, diamond-flooded Slim Jxmmi chain was lost during the process.

In footage that has surfaced from the event, you can see the group pleading with fans to return the jewelry. “Who got the chain? We bringing you on tour right now, bring the chain up here,” Swae Lee tries to bargain with whoever pocketed the piece.

“Damn, I shouldn’t have jumped in there like that,” Slim admits.

After no one fesses up. Swae ups the ante by offering 5,000 euros to whoever brings the bling to the stage. Then, he quickly adds to the pot, offering 50,000 euros, to no avail. Slim reportedly filed a police compliant about the lost chain.

Surprisingly, Slim doesn’t seem to upset by the missing link. “Yes I hit a 100k crowd surf,” he posted on Twitter earlier today (July 4). When questioned by a fan about how he really felt about the whole situation, he responded, “indifferent.”

Oh I know this story is only connected to our kind of surfing by the thinnest strand but it did make me wonder… what is the most you’ve ever lost surfing? Like, we’ve all lost a surfboard, right? And that is expensive but not that expensive.

Have any of you lost a very expensive watch? Car keys? The love of a beautiful woman?

What is the most expensive thing surfing has taken from you?

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Watch: Nic Von Rupp’s Pursuit of Happiness!

By Michael Ciaramella

7 years ago

Let's watch Nick squeal with glee!

Nic Von Rupp is living my dream.

He’s handsome, he’s a talented surfer and, as a result of those attributes, he’s paid to chase incredible waves across the globe.

Which makes me wonder, is Nic happy?

I’ve never met the guy, so this is more of a large scale sociological question than a psychological evaluation, but it’s interesting how people with “everything going for them” are often quite miserable. (See: Dane Reynolds in Chapter 11.)

I’ve spent this year doing a fair bit of globetrotting. Hitting bucket-list destinations with the general goal of achieving, I suppose, some sense of universal contentedness. And while my experiences have been amazing, far exceeding the alternatives of sitting behind a desk or hammering nails, I can’t say my overall happiness has increased.

Petty issues continue to bug me, my dog still incites daily stress, and the weight of an unclear occupational future constantly affects my mood. Try as I might to surf the negatives away, at the end of the day, I’m still me. Despite my incredibly charmed life, I’m not necessarily any happier than someone “less privileged” than myself.

Of course socioeconomic status makes a difference in this discussion, but maybe not to the extent you believe.

For some people, happiness seems an inherent aspect of their personality. They were born that way. For others, happiness is earned through commitment to an optimistic outlook, spiritual enlightenment, or any other number of self-help practices.

For others, happiness seems genuinely unattainable. It could be a genetic thing or a confluence of negative events that leads these folks to eternal pessimism, but in any case the result is a miserable existence.

The interesting thing is that, on either side of the draw, you’ll find humans ranging from piss-poor paraplegics to multi-billionaire playboys. Beauty queens to butterfaces. Geniuses to nitwits.

It’s not what job we have, where we’ve travelled, or how beautiful we are that makes us happy. It’s just… us.

I think, on a 1-10 scale, I fall around the six-point-five mark for general happiness (just above the anti-depressive threshold).

What about you, readers? Are you generally fulfilled?

And Nic? Do all those tubes have a lasting positive effect, or are you just as susceptible to bullshit as the rest of us?

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Pool Toy Daredevils Taunt Whites at Dana Point!

By Derek Rielly

7 years ago

Drone footage of thrillseekers being towed next to Great Whites…

I used to love San Clemente. The people are warm, you can buy a world-class surfboard fresh out of the factory, the waves are often very good and, if you want to surf by yourself, why just stroll on down to Riviera and stalk yourself something empty.

Just as fabulous was the lack of any predatory sea life in this part of the Pacific Ocean.

Sharks? A faded memory.

As you know, that’s all changed with the recent migration to San Clemente and its surrounds of packs of Great White sharks.

Orange County junior lifeguards now practise their skills in eight-inches of water.

Sightings are so common I know one prominent surfer who hasn’t surfed there in six months, partly through injury partly because he ain’t thrilled by big fish.

Last Sunday, Barry Curtis, a keen pilot of drones, captured this footage of a boat driver towing pals on inflatable toys next to what is presumed to be a couple of juvenile Great Whites (I mean, aren’t they all these days?).

As reported by CBS-LA,

Curtis says the lifeguard ran to alert a supervisor and showed him what he filmed.

“He saw that and that’s when he got on his radio and said I’m gonna call the shore boat and tell them to leave the area,” Curtis said.

But there wasn’t time. Seconds later he says another lifeguard ran into the water with his paddle board to warn them.

“They had just towed by both of the ones I had been filming and they had no idea there were sharks in the water,” Curtis said.

In his drone footage you can see the lifeguard reach the boat and everyone pile into the dingy. Curtis’ camera system has GPS coordinates and records date, time and exact location showing the sharks were 900 feet away from the swimmers.

“They’ve done tests where they’re dragging stuff behind boats and Great Whites like the element of surprise and they come out of the water and go for towed devices,” Curtis says. “These people were towing three people behind the boat, my hope and prayer was that I wasn’t going to witness a tragedy.”

Watch here!

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The full yet delicate lines of Stephanie Gilmore, less heroic muscle, more sculpture. (Flowery enough for you?)

Sex: End Segregation Now!

By Derek Rielly

7 years ago

Surfing doesn't time rides. It don't dunk. So why split guys and gals?

Recently, the three-time Wimbledon champion John McEnroe said in an interview that Serena Williams was the “best female player ever – no question.”

When asked why he’d added the qualifier “female” McEnroe said, “If she played the men’s circuit she’d be, like, 700 in the world.

McEnroe, of course, was swiftly crucified on the various social forums as racist, sexist and so forth.

“He went out of his way to be demeaning – publicly – to a woman.”

“How would you like to be stuck in a plane on the tarmac for 3 hours with this American hero? gag, gag.”

And the outstanding, “Looks like John is still supid.”

McEnroe does have history on his side.

As Ms Williams told David Letterman in 2013: “Men’s tennis and women’s tennis are completely, almost, two separate sports. If I were to play Andy Murray, I would lose 6-0, 6-0 in five to six minutes, maybe 10 minutes. No, it’s true. It’s a completely different sport. The men are a lot faster and they serve harder, they hit harder, it’s just a different game. I love to play women’s tennis. I only want to play girls, because I don’t want to be embarrassed.”

You don’t need daddy to explain that the vast differences in strength (and hemoglobin levels) is why sport is segregated. In a fascinating study across sports from rowing to cycling, women’s world records were an almost uniform ten percent less than the men.

(Read here.)

Can we apply the same rule to surfing? Does strength count in a game where timing and finesse counts for everything and the judging is entirely subjective?

Surfing doesn’t put balls in holes or baskets. It doesn’t time rides. It don’t dunk.

It’s a sport where men with tiny feet (Martin Potter, 1989, size seven), short legs and robust guts (Occy, 1999), tiny everything, except heart (Adriano de Souza, 2015) have dominated.

Don’t you think all those little girls out there, Sierra Kerr, the Norris kids and so on, would be better served if they didn’t have to join the gal’s own version of the Special Olympics?

Yeah, the tour’d end up dominated by the studs (think NBA which is 74.4 percent black) but can you imagine the thrills when a girl, who’d risen to the top of the pack (surfing’s version of Kevin Love), paddled out for a heat in the brave new version of the tour?

Eat beach grit spam!