Jack Robinson (pictured) arriving home under heavy French fire. Photo: Fox News

Australian Olympic silver surf medalist Jack Robinson savagely roasted by French airport employee on return home

4 weeks ago

"Ey, better luck next time zon, go back to your ocean."

I spent yesterday commuting back to California from glorious France where each sunset is a bouquet, each croissant as if handmade Nina Métayer herself, each bite of foie gras, street accordion note of La Vie en Rose, every “bonjour” from neighborhood gendarmerie passing three by three with a doff of beret an event worth enshrining forever in the Louvre.

Alas it is over, the 2024 Olympics now finished alongside the Paris Opera Ballet’s famed Ecole de Danse summer intensive program and the commute home was rough, landing in a wildly overcrowded LAX, ugly aging functional architecture assaulting the eyes but much better than Olympic surfing silver medalist Jack Robinson as he returned to his Australian home and was assaulted, verbally, by a French expat working in the Brisbane airport.

Robinson took to TikTok where he shared the encounter with his 67 million followers, revealing, “Yeah ze French guy in the Australian customs. So on my way back from Tahiti I arrive from ze flight and I get ze dec-er-al-ation, I come to ze customs, the guy looks at me and says ‘Ey, better luck next time zon, go back to your ocean.'”

@jackrobinsonsurf What are the odds of being welcomed like this #TeamAustralia #olympics ♬ original sound – Jack Robinson

Unclear why Western Australian native was using the typical German “ze” to re-mock the employee, which was eminiscent of the wonderful scene in Snatch where Jason Statham fun made Stephen Graham for carrying a gun.

In any case, most of Robinson’s fans found the encounter funny, responding in typical Australian “ha ha ha classic, mate” fashion though some dug deep to their inner Brazilian and became incensed. One penned, “Forget the customs officer…This kind of person that hates and provokes everyone, including the French…French really love Australians” and “He can go back to his ‘La Seine.'” Another, “Bro the French are cocky asf, you did good man” and “Why the French so smug? That’s a Tahitian gold, not a ‘French’ one.”

I guess with the lack of death threats and poop emojis not, in fact, Brazilian but, like Turkish, Tommy and ze Germans, fun nonetheless.

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Koa Rothman inside a winking mega-notched, fat-lipped, whiskered glutton.

Koa Rothman reports “one of the best days of surfing in my life” as Indonesia vibrates from blast of Indian Ocean swell

By Derek Rielly

4 weeks ago

"Crazy wave that puppy!" says Tom Carroll.

The Hawaiian surfer and popular vlogger Koa Rothman, for whom no wave is too big nor slab too meaty or thick, has reported “one of the best days of surfing in my life” after a session at Kanduis in western Indonesia.

Rothman, whose creamy tan handsomeness and bawdy surfer boy personality could shuck anyone out of their drawers, scythed his way through barrels most regulars would describe as terror-hideous.

But Rothman, thirty, from Sunset Beach although his preferred his wave is Pipeline, a wave that almost claimed his life in January, tamed the swell with a rakish cock of his head, tip-toeing along the precipice, a dangerous situation in which the surfer is extremely close to disaster or failure.

“Today was crazy. One of the best days of life I’ve had my life,” writes Koa.

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A post shared by Koa Rothman (@koarothman)

A subsequent post gifts the viewer a water angle.

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A post shared by Koa Rothman (@koarothman)

The Indonesian adventure marks a return to form for Rothman whose Australian vacay was marred by surf locals who tried to muzzle the Jewish-Hawaiian superstar. After surfing a popular big-wave near Manly called Deadmans, Rothman returned to his car to find a sign warning him to not film for his YouTube channel.

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Brazilian surf fans carpet bomb Ethan Ewing's Instagram account.

Brazilian surf fans crawling all over Ethan Ewing's Instagram account.

Aussie Olympian Ethan Ewing under siege as Brazilian surf fans mount hostile takeover of his Instagram account

By Derek Rielly

4 weeks ago

"Now you don't have your little friend to try to cover for you!!! You messed with those who are quiet!! This is Brazil!"

It might be hard to believe but it’s only been two weeks since the the surfing judge Ben Lowe was booted out of Tahiti because of a photo where he stood alongside Australian surf coach Bede Durbidge and Australia Olympic surfer Ethan Ewing.

All three men come from the same Queensland island, North Stradbroke, and someone said, hey boys, let’s get a photo of you guys together, not aware of the tears it would rouse in the quick-to-ire Brazilian surf fan.

Aussie surf judge Ben Lowe sent home from Olympics. — Ben Lowe, at right, a British-Australian surf judge, sent home from Teahupoo after complaints of bias from Brazil.

More than anyone, this photo upset big-wave surfer Pedro Scooby, a serial complainer who believes an anti-Brazil element inhabits high-level surf judging despite Brazilians winning every men’s world title since 2018 and even at the Tokyo Games where Italo took gold. .

“During the Tokyo games, there was a judge who assigned the highest scores to Medina’s opponents in the same heat, while giving him the lowest marks,” wrote Scooby. “A formal complaint was lodged against this judge to the Olympic Committee, but nothing was done. This guy is back again. Just today, while relaxing at home, I received a WhatsApp photo of him hugging Ethan, who is the one that, if Medina advances, could face him in the semifinals.”

(Scooby is no stranger to these pages.You’ll recall JP Currie’s extensive coverage of allegations Scooby allegedly became Neymar Jr’s lover at a sex party..“The allegations came via a Brazilian woman who identifies as an ‘influencer’, a term I find so distasteful I won’t mention her name. She alleges that she and another woman joined Neymar Jr and Scooby for a foursome, but that the two men were far more interested in each other.”However, it’s not the first time the tabloid press have made allegations about Neymar Jr’s sexuality, in particular the nature of his friendship with Gabriel Medina.)

Anyway, long story short, as they say, a BeachGrit reader pointed out that Brazilian fans have massed in the comments of Ethan Ewing’s Instagram account, carpet-bombing the baby-faced twenty-five-year-old Australian with the “plumpest and most spankable bottom in surfing”.

There’s history, of course. Brazilian surf fans promised, in a DM, to kill Ewing after judges awarded him a victory over Gabriel Medina in 2023.

“One day, you will compete here in Brazil and us will remember you. Get ready,” wrote the Brazilian surf fan. “I’m saying again, here in Brazil, we will kill you. Saquarema will be your funeral.”

Ewing posted the DM responding, “How good are surfing fans!”

Interestingly, it was the fury of the Brazilian surf fan that motivated Ewing to rush his return from a back injury at Teahupoo so he could compete on Finals Day and therefore deprive Medina of coming in as a replacement.

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Kelly Slater, happy sheik, even happier kid and, inset, world's best little wave champ Filipe Toledo.

Kelly Slater’s Abu-Dhabi wave pool featuring “world’s longest barrel” opens for business!

By Derek Rielly

4 weeks ago

“The biggest and most advanced artificial wave facility in the world.”

It’s been almost one year since the world’s greatest athlete and, rapidly, one its most opportunistic businessmen, Kelly Slater, delivered a brace of surfing champions to his eponymous wave pool in the Persian Gulf, the capital city of the United Arab Emirates.

The small-wave wizard Filipe Toledo, no lover of Teahupoo it’s true but the greatest ever in waves that ascend to the waist but not beyond, showed his “adult” and “barbaric turns” at the tank.

The procession of stars included WSL in-water commentator Strider Wasilewski, noted for “attack dog tits”, three-time world champion Gabriel Medina, eight-time world champion Stephanie Gilmore, Caroline Marks, Jeremy Flores, “Human Viagra” Raimana Van Bastolaer, iconic filmmaker Taylor Steele, along with Kelly Slater’s former personal assistant Stephen “Belly” Bell.

“There was room for error on the wave yet it still had power and a heavy barrel,” wrote Strider Wasilewski.

And, now, after much ado, the joint is going to open to the public in around six weeks with bookings opening in September.

In a press release, Modon Properties claimed,

“Surf Abu Dhabi will be the biggest and most advanced artificial wave facility in the world. Designed in partnership with Kelly Slater Wave Co., the landmark destination will offer a high-performance surfing experience, featuring the world’s longest ride, biggest barrel, and largest man-made wave pool.”

And, in a post on the SurfAbuDhabi Instagram account:

WE’RE ON! Can’t wait to see you all in October. Thank you for staying curious and sharing the love for Surf Abu Dhabi, it’s all happening!

And before you flood our DMs – bookings for October sessions will be live on our website in September.

No mention of price etc, although if similar to Slater’s Lemoore facility expect 50k a day for the whole pool, minimum or 20-ish for a morning or night session.

Travellers may want to temper their passions while in the UAE, howevs. UAE got the death penalty of apostasy, you’re gonna get a knock on the door on your hotel if you swear on WhatsApp ($68k fine and prison) and blasphemy will get you five years in the pen.

A small price to pay for the waves of your life etc.

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Ross Williams after belting his head at Haleiwa nine years ago and, inset, using a Sonal helmet as treatment.

Surfers rally behind John John Florence coach Ross Williams after troubling medical history revealed

By Derek Rielly

4 weeks ago

“It’s easy to underestimate a head injury. There’s lots of serious side effects that can sneak up on you."

If you saw Ross Williams waiting for a bus you’d never guess he used to be one of the best surfers in the world.

Almost sixty-one, a lazy hairline that holds a haircut like a dust-mop, a chubby figure that changes weight according to his mood.

But put him behind a microphone, at the helm of a prized athlete or in the water and he glows.

Now, in a troubling post to Instagram, Ross Williams has revealed he’s suffered multiple head injuries while surfing.

“Over the last five or six years I’ve had a couple of pretty serious concussion,” writes Williams, who is pictured wearing a take-home helmet called a Sonal, which is made by a Newport-based company called Wave Neuro.

“Two of them were at my favourite surf spot, Haleiwa. (Shout out to my boy Kawika for pulling me out of the water. I was out by myself. The waves were 10 to 12 feet, pretty maxed out Haleiwa. Good thing he was there as I was unconscious for a couple of seconds.)

Editor’s note: The one-time Momentum star needed eleven staples and plastic surgery after he, “dove head first after a wave into the ‘toilet bowl’ straight into the reef. I cracked my head open and nearly ripped a piece of my nose off.”

Ross Williams and head injury — Ross Williams, a sufferer of multiple head injuries, has his brain waves examined by a Sonal by Newport Beach company Wave Neuro.

“It’s easy to underestimate a head injury. There’s lots of serious side effects that can sneak up on you. The good people at @waveneuro have been so helpful to me and my family. My daughter @sebbie_williams also had a severe concussion (much more serious than mine!). With their help we’ve had great therapy and guidance.”

The former sparring partner of Kelly Slater, and now semi-retired father of three, is no stranger to injury. Four years ago, while rehabbing a tweaked knee, he clipped his riding partner’s wheel at forty clicks an hour, hit the bitumen and got…degloved.

The gruesome injury, which is called a Morel-Lavallée lesion, is an “abrupt separation of skin and subcutaneous tissues from underlying fascia.”

Skin ripped off limb to reveal underlying mechanics, like the little leg of a butchered dog.

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