"Surfing in the Seine is great, it's mega, but doing it with the Eiffel Tower behind you is even more special."

My time is Paris is coming to a close and I have thoroughly enjoyed this month. The City of Light has been electric, throughout, the local population having retreated before the 2024 Olympics began fearing gridlock and general nastiness. Instead, it has been an earthly paradise. Restaurants easy to get into, foie gras flowing like white wine. As the surfing component of the Games got underway some ten-ish days ago, I felt sad that our heroes and heroines were forced to be some 10,000 miles away eating poisson cru in the middle of the Pacific.

Well, things have been rectified at least for bronze medalist Gabriel Medina, who came and dined in proper bistros while getting lightly trolled and gold medalist Kauli Vaast, who made Filipe Toledo’s dreams come true by surfing a man-generated, under knee high wave on the famous river Seine.

The two-time Brazilian champ made news, earlier, when he opined that future Olympic surfing events should be contested in pools, saying, “Every four years, I think the athlete needs to be prepared for this unique moment that is the Olympics and be sure that they will deliver their best!”

The handsome Frenchman, anyhow, had to work for every once of forward momentum but seems to enjoy his time, declaring, “Surfing in the Seine is great, it’s mega, but doing it with the Eiffel Tower behind you is even more special.”

As you know, Paris made a great effort to clean the Seine ahead of the Games and used the famous waters as venue for long distance swimming though three Germans fell ill after their event, one penning, “Vomited 9 times yesterday + diarrhea. Water quality in the Seine is approved.”

Classic German aggression and yet to be seen if the French quickly abandon the river allowing for occupation.

Back to Vaast, though, does his Olympic gold eclipse both Filipe Toledo championships?

Disqus.

“The theft that the priority judge did to us in the Olympics was evident."

Peru citizens are preparing for a barrage of death threats and poop emojis after the country’s surfing association declared it was filing a formal claim on behalf of Olympic 4th place finisher Alonso Correa who thrilled the world with his Teahupoo gallantry. The issue at hand is an apparent priority issue during Correa’s heat with Brazilian hunk Gabriel Medina.

“The theft that the priority judge did to us in the Olympics was evident,” President of the Federacaion Peru Team, Jaime Gensollen told Peru’s Radio Ovacion. “After both of them ride a wave and return to the point where the wave forms again, the two paddle together but the one who arrives first has the first priority to catch the wave that comes next, exactly that wave was taken by (Gabriel) Medina, However, the one who arrived first was Alonso Correa, so he had priority.”

“In this case Gabriel Medina executes (the wave) and is where he scores more than seven points,” he continued, “when said wave belonged to Alonso Correa. The trip technicians just arrived yesterday, we are going to evaluate with the legal part, since we seek to present the claim as soon as possible, we want them to rectify what was given.”

Brazilian surf fans, known for their passionate love of country will certainly be invading Peruvian Instagram accounts extremely soon, possibly led by the patriarch of House Toledo (7/29 – 7/30) himself.

Ricardo Toledo, valiant social media warrior, father of Filipe the Lionheart, became infuriated at the insinuation that Brazil’s sharks liked cocaine. How much more rage-filled will he get with this provocation?

But do you imagine the Costeños will be able to rebuff? Possibly conjuring the great hero Simon Bolivar (pictured above) to beat back their Portuguese neighbors to the southeast?

Tense days.

Candles at the ready, please.

"Alright, so these Olympic medals look great when they are brand new..."

One of the stars of these almost finished 2024 Paris Olympics is, of course, Gabriel Medina. The Brazilian starred in the viral “image of the Games,” put on an absolute show during Teahupoo’s day of days and wound up bringing the bronze medal home.

And herein lies our current trouble.

Bronze, in Olympic street skateboarding, was won by Nyjah Huston. Initially, the 29-year-old seemed very thrilled with his third place finish but later went on a lengthy Instagram sonnet about how sad it made him feel and how it was difficult to keep moving. “Damn the past couple days has been tough, ” the most decorated Street League skater shared, “Since I got home it’s taking everything in me to get out of bed and start living again.”

Huston, of course, wanted to be first though didn’t have what it took to pass Japan’s Yuto Horigome or Arizona’s Jagger Eaton who both smashed him fair and square.

The latest drama, now unspooling, is over the actual, not metaphysical, quality of his best of the worst bauble.

“Alright, so these Olympic medals look great when they are brand new,” the car enthusiast opened in a new sad social story, “but after letting it sit on my skin with some sweat for a little bit and then letting my friends wear it over the weekend, they are apparently not as high quality as you would think.”

He proceeded to flash the medal around, continuing, “I mean look at that thing, it’s looking rough. Even the front is starting to chip off a little. So I don’t know … Olympic medals, you gotta maybe step up the quality a little bit.”

While the Paris Olympic organizers vowed to replace his bronze, surf fans became extremely worried about Medina’s trophy as he, too, has many friends and also operates by the sea where oxidation is known to occur bigly.

Though the three-time champ has not mentioned on his feeds, maybe light a candle ensuring it’s holding up?

Thank you for your service.