"My pain levels have dropped significantly!"
As first reported on these pages over the previous week and despite being given no chance by fans, Ethan Ewing will be competing in the WSL Finals three weeks off busting two vertebrae in his back.
Ewing, a baby-faced twenty-five-year-old Australian with the “plumpest and most spankable bottom in surfing”, was driven, we were told, by a desire to keep Medina out of the Final Five and to mop up the blood from last year’s failed title attempt.
The favourite to win the contest is the small-wave wizard and reigning world champion Pip Toledo, whose daddy claimed yesterday the only reason Pip don’t charge Teahupoo is ‘cause she wants to save himself for the Finals, something that didn’t bother mad-dog Ewing.
(I’d suggest Pip throw this Patton quote on this wall, “Some men will get over their fright in a minute under fire, some take an hour, and for some it takes days. But the real man never lets his fear of death overpower his honor, his sense of duty to his country, and his innate manhood.”)
Now, in a stirring message to fans and foes alike, Ewing has demonstrated his fitness and strength with a series of clips from a gymnasium workout, even a cursory glance at Ewing’s quadriceps will strike fear into the bowling pin-shaped Toledo, and concludes his posts with a photograph seated in biz class en route to Los Angeles.
Only eight days ago, the World Surf League was accused of “passive aggressively trolling Ethan Ewing” after including him in promotional material.
The one-day surf-off will run some time between September eight and sixteen at San Clemente’s Lower Trestles, likely around 14 or 15.
Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.
Your comments are still here. Every one of them.
Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.
Connect Disqus to reveal.
“Some men will get over their fright in a minute under fire, some take an hour, and for some it takes days. But the real man never lets his fear of death overpower his honor, his sense of duty to his country, and his innate manhood”
Wish I read this before going to G-land
Saw him catch a couple at home the other week.. looked sharp. Pip will go to the air and probably win.. shame the final isn’t held in a wave of consequence.
hahaha Surfline says my spot will be 4-6 , but the angle is 180 degrees, what an joke, if I paid for premium I’d be steaming, but as it is, Surfline is looking just useless like a lame money grab for kooks, they are like Billibong in Costco, or Gerry kook softboards, desperate for a few bucks and more than happy to further sell out what is left of the pastime that we cherish, friken parasites, f ‘em!!!!!
Oops, sorry, ok, rant over!
great headline!
DR is covering this with a close eye, paddle at the ready…the outlook from surfline? who knows?
hitting that costco clearance bin with a backside schwack.
billabong for the win!
I hope you wear a hat that properly fits your head. Ethan’s looks like its from Baby Bong.
Looking at the pics, it appears he went straight from the gym to the airport.
as with most surfers the swelling of the head never ceases…but i’m pulling for him…vs. Griff! #griffnotes
Storm in a T cup.
Ethan playing the ultimate mind games, wasn’t actually injured. Judges will reward him with an extra point as they think he’s injured. Hope he smashed Felipe !
Pipped at the post.. hopefully
Is this his “let them eat cake” moment ?
Flying business class while slumming it in a Billybog shirt, just as they’re going to be sold exclusively in bargain/thrift stores…
>Is this his “let them eat cake” moment?
Seems to be Derek’s desire based on the photos he selected.
wouldn’t ‘float that passed them.’ those people…
Yeah, he ain’t one for paddling out, stiff-arming a couple of dribblers and coming in for the cheque. God, I love Finals Day!
Fyre Island
He just needs to apply the right kind of psilocybin to his recovery process. VONR will come in and provide a nice cocktail of medicinal choices for this guy….Pick from the Earth, avoid mankinds products.
Right, it had nothing to do with this qoute;
“I’m saying again, here in Brazil, we will kill you. Saquarema will be your funeral.”
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I was looking everywhere for that photo! So plump and spankable!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
spank away! but don’t touch the merchandise or he’ll have you arrested. brazzos may not agree.
Don’t know whether to upvote or downvote this post!
That poo brown Billabong hoodie is whack.
Surprised they let him waltz into biz class with that heinous outfit.
Reminds me of the mine rats
Real rig pigs have hi-vis, lace up steel caps and stupid tats. Usually rocking the goatee / ‘tasche combo like they own one of those pimp my ride garages.
And straight off that workout session! All sweaty and smelling like cheap gym mats. Classy.
stop encouraging DR. the after surf salt smell is mo betta…
Another mistake that could have been avoided with a DR text.
It’s all it takes. Could’ve set it all off with a fine Borsalino wool hat too…
upon hitting the beach, I suggest this attire. let’s keep it above the shoulders DR.
https://cdn.shopify.com/s/f…
Rio Tinto hi-viz more befitting
6am Perth Airport domestic terminal vibes.
Who needs to wear a cap when inside a plane? Is he worried about cosmic rays? Or is his hairline doing a KS?
If you wanna look like a tech bro in business class you gotta let the hair go all frizzy white afro and look way more awkward. Plus real tech bros fly in First.
He looks like a 55 Year old Dad that last Surfed in 1994.
Do pro’s usually fly first class? Or only when the are mega rich or have broken backs? Xox
Biz class, sometimes, usually on points.
Thank you kind sir xox
Couple of years ago the Kelster posted something on instagram showing his United airlines boarding pass, complete with his FF number. Being the shyster that I am, I tried logging in and guessing the password (Ke11y15god did not work). Thought I could gift myself some sweet as flights 😀 Everyone else must have done the same thing because it came up saying “THIS ACCOUNT IS LOCKED”. Sorry about that Kel!
Haha fuck yeah cunt. I love it when the rich are inconvenienced xox
“….the only reason Pip don’t charge Teahupoo is ‘cause she want….”
Intentional or not, that’s funny shit right there.
get an x-twitter acct…and read babylon bee. jesus luvs you and sam waters.
Who proof reads these things!
I noticed too. Strike of genius.
Fuck I hope the cunt wins, Brazzo’s will go spastic
They’ll spaz if Colon wins, too….
Naaa, they would kill each other like any normal day in (brazilian) life!