Frisky and Spicy! Ross Williams is now a tourist attraction and people actually ask for him at events!

Ross Williams: “Julian to win world title!”

By Derek Rielly

9 years ago

The WSL's #1 commentator cuts through the bull!

It all happened so fast! In just one dazzling year, the carrot-haired former sparring partner of Shane Dorian, one of the leaders of the so-called Momentum Generation, has become the number one voice in surfing.

It isn’t hard to see why. Those liquorice lips hurling blaxploitation and early hip-hop smilies, actual recent-ish tour experience and a candour that, to use a slightly spicy American idiom, “cuts through the bull.”

Ross Williams is the WSL’s own Marv Albert, but without the same ability to pair heels and dress.

(Click here)

Today I asked Ross for a post-Tahiti rub down. It’s an email interview, as these things tend to be these days, so I couldn’t say things like, “You’re full of shit! Pour another drink!” to create some kinda rapport.

But!

Two important points emerged: one, Julian will most likely win the world title and, two, Gabriel’s ass is fried…

BeachGrit: What was the most significant, moment, for you, in Tahiti?

Ross: Jeremy’s win was really cool. It was nice to see his hard work pay off. From a year ago with his incident at J-Bay evoking punishment in the form of watching Tahiti unfold right in front of him – that event being one of, if not the, best events of all time at his personal favorite location. That situation lit a serious fire inside to not only appreciate his “job”, but to embrace the opportunity to compete at his personal best. Now he’s come full circle with his steady comeback trail in competing and rebounded from his life-changing injury just prior to this year’s South Africa event. Considering all of that, it has to be one of the most impressive wins in surfing history.

BeachGrit: Adriano leads the ratings. What chance do you think he has of winning the world title?

Ross: Obviously Adriano has a good chance. Leading now and heading into three events where he can win let alone get solid results. That being said, momentum is a funny thing and it’s currently not on his side. He’s one of the hardest working guys in the game and his approach is so comprehensive.

BeachGrit: Trestles, France, Portugal, Hawaii. All I can think of is Gabriel, Gabriel, Gabriel, Gabriel. Give me your thoughts on a beautiful last-minute title defence for the reigning champ?

Ross: Gabriel has found his 2014 self. It went missing for a minute, but he’s back to his normal status of not just winning heats, but smashing them. I think he’s dug himself too big of a hole to win the title, but he will be in the Top 5 no problem which is a commendable follow-up year.

BeachGrit: How’s Kelly looking right now? What’s working, what’s not?

Ross: Kelly is ripping. He’s a bit preoccupied with his business adventures, but he’s still definitely surfing at a level that’s good enough to win events. If he can clean up the mini-blunders and keep his wave-catching rhythm throughout an entire event, he can still win. If he manages to get in the hunt by year’s end, he will be without a doubt the favorite at Pipe.

BeachGrit: Filipe, like Gabriel, is going to go crazy in these last few events. What kinda shot has he got? What might stand in his way?

Ross: I’m curious how he’ll bounce back at Lowers. Now that he’s had a couple slices of humble pie, I hope he continues his swagger-like approach. He’s so confident on those kinds of waves that he achieves two things at once: his opponent is baffled and he believes in himself enough to not fall on huge moves where most tighten up. Mentally, this is power that he needs to maintain to do well.

BeachGrit: Name, for me, the final eight surfers at Trestles…

Ross: Filipe, Julian, mick, Kelly, Owen, Adriano, John John and Gabriel. Not sure if it’s possible with seeding and the draw but you get the drift.

BeachGrit: It’s early, early, this I know, but give me three names coming to Pipe as the world title contenders.

Ross: Mick, Julian and Owen

BeachGrit: And who will win?

Ross: I’ll go out on a limb and say Julian. He’s looking razor sharp this year. Arguably the toughest year in a long time to determine who will win though. It’s a total toss up. Kelly, ADS, Owen and Filipe still have a shot.

(Now let’s watch Ross at his heady peak!)

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Wow: The best name in surfing!

By Chas Smith

9 years ago

If you have a bun in the oven get ready to change the name!

Surfing has had some wonderful names. Miki Dora, Sunny Garcia, Christian Fletcher etc. etc. etc. Which is your favorite?

Mine used to be Creed McTaggart. I’ll always remember when he strode into the Stab Magazine offices as a shy thirteen year old boy. He was introduce and I belted, “Creed McTaggart? That’s the best name in surfing!”

And it has been up until this very day. For I just learned of another under sixteener named Sunshine Coaster Reef Heazlewood and wow! (read about him here) Have you ever heard something that sings “surf” so loudly? He is competing in some contest Joel Parkinson is throwing over the weekend. “Joel Parkinson” has as much ring as “Brett Simpson” i.e. none.

If you are having a baby you can go to this website here and pick a surfy sounding name for either boy or girl. Enjoy!

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Awesome: Jersey Surfers Own Fox News!

By Rory Parker

9 years ago

"There was no swell in the ocean so we decided to hit the streets!"

Catch Surf got some good exposure on Fox News recently. It’s kind of funny, you should watch it.

But it’s hard to laugh, because I hate myself right now. It is absolutely firing by my house right now. There’s a left that looks like fucking Western Australia come to Kauai belching its guts out, a right careening off the point and bottoming out across the inside, and I’m too scared to paddle out.

It’s something I’m struggling with. Almost two years out of the water, I feel so out of shape, no confidence. Rattled when it’s overhead.

Shame is a powerful motivator,and, sometimes, looking in the mirror and saying, “What the fuck is wrong with you? Get your act together, you pitiful pile of shit!” is enough to get the ball rolling.

I tried to bodysurf yesterday because I didn’t think I could punch a board through the inside and spent two hours pulling back. Finally caught two waves and went in. Not super proud of myself. It’s not like it’s that big. Butterflies would be fine, full blown puss-out is not.

I think it’s okay, though. Shame is a powerful motivator,and, sometimes, looking in the mirror and saying, “What the fuck is wrong with you? Get your act together, you pitiful pile of shit!” is enough to get the ball rolling.

I guess I could give meth a shot. That should work with both the confidence and the weight.

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New: Julian Wilson’s pain-in-the-ass clip!

By Derek Rielly

9 years ago

Another day, another two-bit short film…

Every day these things drop, like nuggets into a McDonalds fryer: cheap and momentarily pleasant but with a sickening aftertaste. There’s so many of ’em, maybe half-a-doz a day, that they elude any concept of good and bad. Our ability to discern gone forever.

And there’s something like this.

Where so many surfers, even among the best, struggle with their airs, looking like huge, awkward chickens torn squawking out of their coops, Julian Wilson is a flying volcano.

That sharp oop-and-a-quarter just before the one-minute mark shows Wilson to be in marvellous voice.

DRIVE FAST & TAKE CHANCES from Julian Wilson on Vimeo.

And, mentally, let’s read as Julian swings a scimitar at the famous Proust Questionnaire, seen below.

Your favourite Virtue: Industry.
Your favourite qualities in a man: Integrity and loyalty.
Your favourite qualities in a woman: Kindness, self respect.
Your chief characteristic: Perseverance.
What you appreciate the most in your friends: truthfulness and sense of humour.
Your main fault: The sometimes impossible pursuit of perfection.
Your favourite occupation: Surfing.
Your idea of happiness: Home. Family. Love.
Your idea of misery: Permanent disability.
If not yourself, who would you be? Adam Scott.
Where would you like to live? Near my family.
Your favourite heroes in fiction: Peter Pan.
Your heroes in real life: Mum+Dad.
Your favourite food and drink: Roast Lamb and milk.
What you hate the most: Thieves.
World history characters you hate the most: Hitler, Stalin, the usual.
The natural talent you’d most like to be gifted with: The ability to draw.
How you wish to die: Content.
What is your present state of mine: Determination.
Your favourite motto: “Forever fun”.

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Barely Illegal: The surf photog and his teen gal!

By Derek Rielly

9 years ago

She was only 14, but, yes, a different time…

Yesterday, on the excellent Surfer magazine website, the surf historian Matt Warshaw posted a story on the iconic surf photographer Ron Stoner and his young girlfriend Paulette.

By young, ah, real young. Fourteen. He was 21.

(read here)

Now I ain’t one to swing back in time to 1967 and start pointing 2015 fingers at a man and an almost-woman clearly in love. That same year, the singer Elvis Presley married Priscilla Beaulieu, a girl he met when she was 14.

Ron Stoner and Paulette Martinson — Here we see the once-famous surf photographer Ron Stoner, aged 21, with his nymphet Paulette, then an almost womanly 14.

Meanwhile, American boys were getting shipped off in their thousands, against their will, to die in the muck of Vietnam. Back home, everyone was either soaked in LSD or living in a Mason Family commune in Death Valley. Or both.

Why wouldn’t you chase your kicks?

Anyway, the idea of young girls has always been anathema to me. In year five I had a big-tittied teacher whose uniform was a canary yellow jumpsuit unbuttoned to the naval (did I dream this I often wonder in hindsight?) and, ever since, the sight of an aged, and freckled ideally, cleavage has sent me into the stratosphere.

Which brings me back around to Ron Stoner and Paulette Martinson, the sweet lil 14 year old, he swung with. Apart from the moral question, there was the issue of teen pussy v the seasoned woman.

I had a little back-and-forth with Warshaw on the merits, or not, of both.

BeachGrit: Tooling a 14-year-old?
Warshaw: Fuck, did you even read the post?

BeachGrit: What?
Warshaw: Stoner was, I don’t know what you want to call him — not just schizophrenic, but otherwise damaged. So yes he was 21, and Paulette was 14, and I’m not saying that’s great. But they dug each other, her parents were okay with it, and when Ron went down the tubes, Paulette was pretty much the only person from his past who didn’t bail out. The story here isn’t about sex with a minor. Can you even understand that?

BeachGrit: You’re invested in Stoner, aren’t you.
Warshaw: If you’re a Southern California surfer of a certain age, like I am, Stoner is a touchstone not just for your surfing, but for the whole place, the whole era. He’s Brian Wilson. Terrible beauty and sadness. Paulette, for me, and who knows, maybe I’ve built this up in my head, but Paulette was probably the best thing in Ron’s life. For just a little while, anyway. And how fast it all goes away, it’s like that mid-‘60s period in California surfing. You know the Beach Boys song “Caroline, No”?

BeachGrit: Hmmmm, maybe not.
Warshaw: Paulette was always going to leave Ron, cause of their age difference, and also because schizophrenia was taking over. So yeah, she leaves him, and before Ron falls completely into the abyss, when he’s just heartbroken completely, he does some of his best work with the camera. It’s this last burst of color before his career, his health, his sanity, all of it just gets blacked out. And that’s like Stoner’s version of “Carline, No.” He knows he’s losing it, but still has it together enough to make art. It kills me. The song kills me, and Stoner’s story kills me.

BeachGrit: So the 14-year-old pussy angle. That does nothing for you?
Warshaw: You’re fucking retarded, you know that?

BeachGrit: Answer the question!
Warshaw: Okay, first of all, again, fuck you, you’ve missed the whole point here. But look, I’ll say this. You saw The Graduate?

BeachGrit: Oh my god, yes!
Warshaw: Okay, so . . . Katherine Ross or Anne Bancroft? Daughter or mother?

BeachGrit: Easiest question of the day. Anne Bancroft! Mrs. Robinson!
Warshaw: Yeah, that imprinted on me at age eight. Older woman all the way.

BeachGrit: So what is it about older gals? Describe the thrills you receive.
Warshaw: Older women know how to do subtlety. Sexy-wise, Anne Bancroft does more with an eyebrow and a bit of exhaled cigarette smoke then whatever teenager you’re watching on PornHub right now.

BeachGrit: Oh, Matt, I couldn’t hear you any louder. I’ve been pushing up against older gals since I was a teen and I always found little ones to be unfinished masterpieces, works that wouldn’t be complete until mid-thirties, forties, or later. Nymphets? With their dull, sucked-a-hundred-cocks-already looks? I’m not sure how many people picked it up, but a piece I wrote on Noa Deane’s gal Zoe was all based around Lolita. But, there must be some fire in your groin, for some of the more famous surf teens. Do you like Sage Erickson for example? Malia Manuel?

Matt: Of course. Knockouts, both of them. But I’d crawl over Sage and Malia and a dozen like them to get with Helen Mirren.

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