Boom boom boom!
It has been a long time coming but, alhamdulillah, science has finally handed down an opinion on this decade’s hottest trend. Energy! Researchers from the famed Mayo Clinic, one of America’s finest clinical institutions, assured a restless population that Rockstar, at least, really works.
According to the Los Angeles Times, a team of cardiovascular researchers tested sixteen ounce cans of Rockstar and a placebo on 25 healthy volunteers aged 25-29. They had their blood pressure and heart rates measured before sucking both the Rockstar and the placebo (they had no idea what they were getting) and also allowed the researchers to nip a little blood. The tests were repeated 30 minutes after the cans were consumed. And guess what?
“The volunteers started out with heart rates and blood pressure readings in the normal range. After consuming Rockstar, their systolic blood pressure rose about 6%, from 108.4 millimeters of mercury to 115 mmHg, on average, and their diastolic blood pressure rose nearly 7%, from 64.3 mmHg to 68.5 mmHg, on average. By contrast, systolic blood pressure rose just 3% and diastolic blood pressure was flat after drinking the placebo beverage.”
But better even:
“The biggest difference was in blood levels of norpinephrine, a precursor of epinephrine (a.k.a. adrenaline). After consuming the real energy drink, the average amount of norepinephrine rose from 149.8 to 249.8 picograms per milliliter of blood. That compares with an increase from 139.9 to 178.6 pg/mL after finishing the placebo drink.”
Hyped!
According to the LA Times, the findings caused the researchers to “fret” because the people may later develop cardiovascular problems due to spiked levels of boom boom boom.
Have those researchers ever danced with the devil under the pale moonlight, though? Have they ever gotten really super barreled? Have they ever had to drive from Cardiff-by-the-Sea, California to Phoenix, Arizona after just a few hours sleep because a certain two-year-old insisted on getting up at 5:00 am? Give us us norepinephrine!
ever tried a banana
Meth works too.
Yeah but Mick Fanning’s sponsored by redbull and he punched a shark! Redbull all the way.
Confession: I enjoy a Purps now and again.
Makes me want a Redbull.