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Totalitarian: Wedge lifeguards’ iron fist!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Newport Beach's most iconic wave gets Nazified!

You know the Wedge, that dirty old Wedge, Newport Beach’s most famous wave? Well of course you do! It is the source for endless amusement amongst surfers and non-surfers alike. When it gets rolling you can be certain that the sands will be packed with slack jaws watching the brave get pounded.

The brave used to be mostly bodysurfers and bodyboarders. Surfers, though, have taken to the place more and more and more. Jamie O does it. Dion Agius does it too. But if they try today they may get locked up in prison next to OC gangstas.

The Wedge, you see, has always been a blackballed jam during certain hours for certain seasons but, as voted by Newport Beach’s City Council last night, the lifeguards now have the power to raise the flag any time they deem fit.

The Los Angeles Times reports:

The City Council unanimously approved a resolution Tuesday night giving lifeguard officials the power to blackball, or prohibit, hardboard surfing off city beaches whenever they determine that conditions are unsafe for swimmers, bodyboarders and users of skimboards, which are small flotation devices used in shallow water.

Such power! Such un-American values! Will the surfers revolt? Will they spray paint The Bill of Rights onto the bottom of their hard boards? Will there be a “Surf Lives Matter” movement? Should we start it right now?

"Dirty Old Wedge" Teaser from Jack Murgatroyd on Vimeo.