Chris Murnane Is Fighting To Save Carlsbad, California…
The big-wave icon and Hollywood stuntman, dead at 48…
A short time ago, the big-wave icon and Hollywood stuntman, Hawaiian Brock Little, died, among family, among friends.
The coolest of motherfuckers? Yeah, he was.
Brock, a big-wave surfer who was held in awe by Kelly Slater and co, announced his cancer via Instagram. “I have cancer. It sucks, but I’m taking chemo. You do what you can. Can’t believe the person in that picture is me. I look in the mirror and I feel like it’s not me.”
When we spoke three weeks ago, he said, “I’m so stoked. I’ve had a great life and what I’ve lived through and what I’ve done in my life, crazy good times.”
When we said goodbye, he thanked me for my interest in his condition.
A few minutes ago, Kelly wrote:
[email protected]…larger than life to me. The world I know will never be the same. I love you, man. Thank you.
And, listen to my phone call interview with Brock three weeks ago, below.
Inspired by the great Laird Hamilton! Vomit your way to a six pack! Aggressive sitting!
It is my sad duty to inform our readers that pre-enrollment for the 2016 Summer session of Rory Parker’s Kauai Spare Room Learning Academy for Surfboard Writers has been put on hold indefinitely.
Despite the success of last year’s session, which was hailed as “the ultimate in surfboard writing workshops” by unnamed sources, it has been decided that the prudent course of action is to halt business while dealing with pending litigation.
Rest assured, I expect to be cleared of all charges, but feel it would be unfair to begin accepting deposits due to our “no refunds under any circumstances” policy.
In the meantime, I am proud to announce the inaugural Parker XTREME Scientifically Inspired Fitness Lifestyle Boot Camp Experience 5000.
Drawing inspiration from the XPT Lifestyle, the PXSIFLBCE5000 will be held over three days, March 9-11, and is dedicated to helping provide our clients with the resources to make informed and healthful life choices that they don’t want you to know about.
Led by fitness celebrity, Rory Parker, and featuring guest speakers such as Susan Summers, Paul Craig Cobb, and sixteen time world champion Kelly Slater*, it’s three days of lifestyle training you cannot afford to miss.
All inclusive packages** start at a mere $2500, a 500% savings over other, lesser courses, and feature seminars such as:
Smoke your way to health: A guide to various inhalants and their proper application within your existing training regimen.
It’s all perspective: Making friends with the obese in order to appear slimmer.
Cutting words not cutting weight: Instruction in various rhetorical devices effective in building your self esteem by knocking down that of others.
The Low Impact Lifestyle: Extensive training in proper core strongening exercises featuring:
- Aggressive sitting
- Our patented RFit Lifestyle guide to delusion
- Vomit your way to a six-pack
- Government Disability Application Workshop
- Offensive Scooter Driving
Dietary Counseling: Drawing from the best scientifical advances social media has to offer, and featuring cutting edge health advances such as:
- Balancing your humors
- Bloodletting in the 21st century
- Creating a jawline using facial hair
- Proper use of lard as a butter substitute
- Proper use of butter as a ham substitute
- Hyper-oxygenating your blood stream with carbonated beverages
- The High Fructose Diet
We’re so confident in our space age revolutionary training methods that we’re also offering a 100% money back guarantee***.
Act now, because space is limited, and filling fast.
* Guest speakers as yet unconfirmed
** Food, lodging, airfare, and gratuity not included, additional fees apply
*** Guarantees will not be honored
“It's incredible that people can be so butt hurt over an opinion,” says Kelly Slater…
Does it surprise you, as it does me, how readily celebrities will engage with their fans, and foes, on social media platforms? Slater is the most prolific, although the San Clemente surfer Kolohe Andino must come a close second.
When Slater turned 44 one week ago, Kolohe posted a photograph on Instagram of Kelly accepting his first world title with the innocuous words: hbd to the greatest athlete of all time. any sport. the best of all time.
Innocuous to most. If you’re a little off your hinge, these words make you see a whole galaxy of stars and put you in unspeakable agony.
@scottlapeer kicks the game off with his dissent, suggesting the Canadian hockey player Wayne Gretzky is clearly the superior athlete (twenty years in the game, 60 NHL records) and quickly engages in a back and forth with @octavisu_flex.
“Ur a fucking idiot.”
“Are you just a little comment section coward who talks tough, then slinks back to Mom’s basement?”
“good one….. Bud. Stop talking, u sound stupid. How many Stanley cups does Gretzky have? A lot less then 11. 😂😂😂 Go sniff a jock strap.”
“can we all agree Gretzky competed against multitudes of better ATHLETES than Slater? Absolutely. Don’t be mad, little fella. Slater’s still good. Chin up there, little guy.”
“Who is we? U and your peewee hockey team? Lol stfu u kook. Slates is the most dominant athlete in any sport. A literal freak of nature. Not to mention his career is 25 years strong and still going. Gretzky hung up the skates after 21 years. Get ur facts straight ‘lil fella'”
“‘We’ is the general population of sports writers/reporters/scholars. Which sport is tougher on the body, hockey or surfing? Thus, Slates’ longevity. Comparing Stanley Cups with titles in an individual sport is a false equivalent, so logically, it doesn’t even make sense to measure that way. Gretzky holds more records in his sport, against a much greater amount of competitive peers, than your boy. What’s next? You gonna argue for Tony Hawk or Shaun White? Jack Nicklaus is even more dominant in his sport than your guy! Roger Federer! The list goes on, little buddy…”
The storm gathers momentum.
From @wrvsurfer26: Find me a hockey player that hits harder than pipeline, Waimea and jaws just to name a few and then maybe you would have an argument. @scottlapeer but obviously you have never surfed anywhere. if you can even swim to know the toll surfing takes on ones body especially when surfing world class waves like the pros do!
From @connieb_totally @scottlapeer first off, you clearly get delivered bags of dicks daily. Second off you only follow kolohe and other pro surfers so you can act like you are keeping up with the times in front of your Clove-cigarette wielding frat Bros who pretend they surf because they have been to the south Florida every summer since they were 9 and lastly if you’re gonna speak, and if your even allowed to speak at all (which should be reviewed by a committee or board of intelligence) you should never fuck with the King (@kellyslater) or his acolytes. And for that reason you should slam your dick in the car door and repent.
From @its_litstagram @scottlapeer by common consensus, It is clear that you are a flaming homosexual that knows nothing about surfing. Why are u even commenting on this picture? Dont u have a Gretzky fan page you can tug off to?
From: scottlapeerNo, @its_litstagram because I’m not gay. I just enjoy seeing you little surf boys get so mad and have temper tantrums over an opposing opinion.
And, then, after… minutes… the owner of the account makes a visit.
koloheandino22 @scottlapeer you’re tripping dude. surfing is by far the hardest sport in the world. just because the fact you have control over so little. and for someone to be that dominant in that difficult of a sport. it doesnt even compare to anything else. won in ever condition. from huntington to chopes. from lowers to the eddies. from lowers to pipeline to mavericks. he has literally left no stone unturned. and has dominated in every way in every condition for over 25 years. theres is absolutely no debate and ill never change my mind that kelly slater is the greatest athlete of all time.
And, finally, Kelly Slater. Hello!
@kellyslater @scottlapeer Gretzky is amazing. I’m just bummed he never beat anyone up. For that Chelios is my man. It’s incredible that people an be so butt hurt over an opinion. It’s no wonder this world is so messed up! @koloheandino22 thank you, my man. Much appreciated.
And do you remember when Kelly Slater had the closing section in Campaign? Watch here!
An all-star cast including Steph, Sally, Alana and Dimity!
Australia’s most famous wave has been very very good lately, in case you have not seen. All the regulars have been getting theirs, including standouts Steph Gilmore, Sally Fitz, Alana Blanchard and Dimity Stoyle!
Come and watch them bob and weave around speed bumps, etc. etc. etc. It is amazing to me that anyone could surf Snapper with such flair, timing little snaps, gouges, ducking into the tube etc. etc. When I surf crowded home, I focus on all the people I might hit and so basically end up just racing down the line and then feeling frustrated with myself at the end. All those missed opportunities to shine in front of my neighbors. All that emptiness.
Do you surf great in crowds? Do you attack both lip and trough with equal ferocity even if you might run over the hamstrings of a young man, potentially altering the course of his life? Have you ever smashed anyone very badly? Did it change the way you surf?