costa rica catamaran
Death porn of a cat sinking in Costa Rica last year. Want to survive? Don't drink. Don't play the hero. Swim away.

Parker: How to Survive a Sinking Ship!

Get over the side, swim away. Don't play the hero.

I don’t drink booze on boats.

It’s a personal policy built around the ever present possibility that things could go tits up. I’m no sailor, and I can’t fully trust someone else with my safety at sea. Always a chance you’ll need to swim for miles, or tread water for hours. No problem while sober, a challenge with a belly full of black out punch.

It’s probably a stupid precaution, but I’ve gone over the plan with my wife, should we find ourselves on a sinking ship. Get over the side, swim away. Don’t play the hero.

Drowning landlubbers are terrifying. Fuckers’ll grab a hold and drag you down with them. Was once fairly certain we’d need to put it in play. Third World ferry crossing, we cheaped out and took the local boat. Overloaded with junk, packed full of people. So low in the water I was sure we were done. I wasn’t the only one. Real white knuckle trip.

It’s definitely cold-hearted. Find safety, let others fend for themselves.

Watch this death porn of a cat sinking in Costa Rica.

People panic. Most can barely swim. And I’ve delivered a few sternum punches to struggling idiots I’ve had to rescue from their own bad decisions. One on one I can handle. An entire pack of wild-eyed future drowning victims I cannot.

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Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
10 years ago

Wtf dude?

Real Miki Dora
Real Miki Dora
10 years ago

Elderly people who can’t swim should not be authorized to get on a boat.

Thank fuck there are surfers who are pretty much all good at swimming and paddling to look after kooks in case shit happens. Most of us had to help someone once

toofattosurf
toofattosurf
10 years ago

…is it doce de banana?

toofattosurf
toofattosurf
10 years ago

da fuq?!

Ron Weasley
Ron Weasley
10 years ago

Thanks for that.

Abscessed Llama
Abscessed Llama
10 years ago

Anytime you see a gunwale dip. Time to pay attention.. Really didn’t hear a word from crew or captain in that video wow! I do not have a fear of boats just a fear of the men running them. “Mutiny On The Bounty”

Captain Clark
Captain Clark
10 years ago

I too noticed that. The captain and crew should be keeping order and spouting instructions. Course we only saw 3 minutes, they may have been contacting help in this segment. Although once the vessel went hard over they should have been taking charge getting people over the starboard side. Waited way too long to abandon the vessel and could have cost someone’s life. General rule of thumb is to stay on the boat as long as possible, then cling too as long as she is afloat. The rule can be trumped, like any other, if keeping to the rule endangers a life. I realize it happened quickly once she dipped water, but that’s where the instructions come in for once it’s to that point. Judging on the shear chaos once she was going, they didn’t appear to have any sort of plan in place.

Trogan Fan
Trogan Fan
10 years ago

Some may not believe this, but i was once a great lifesaver. Really, one of the greats. Everybody said I was great. One of the best. I learned early that the people you are trying to save will kill you if they can. Panic does strange things. Punch them, kick them, bash them with the can, and always put the victim between you and anything hard (pier, bottom, jetty etc.).

As for the boat, yeah, gotta get clear of the sinking ship. And if people who can’t swim well go on a boat, well, it’s on them if they die.

Abscessed Llama
Abscessed Llama
10 years ago
Reply to  Trogan Fan

Andre Botha and Guilherme Tamega should been given and split the wave of winter check for their rescues this winter.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
10 years ago
Reply to  Trogan Fan

A clubbie! There’s always been something a little off with you Trogan. I can move forwards now in life that we cleared that little detail up.

Cap'n Crunch
Cap'n Crunch
10 years ago
Reply to  Trogan Fan

Donald? Trump? Is that you?

bojangles
bojangles
10 years ago

Someone should teach her how to use a camera.

velobwoy
velobwoy
10 years ago

Panic is an amazing thing

david fffff
david fffff
10 years ago

PURA VIDA EVERYONE

Murph the Surf
Murph the Surf
10 years ago

I’ve saved two people from drowning. Neither of them said a word after, not even a “Thank you”. They both just walked away in a daze.

shootsthen
shootsthen
10 years ago
Reply to  Murph the Surf

Same thing happened to me; my friends and I saved a few tourists on big island, and they just walked away; no thank you, nothing.

Travis Bible
Travis Bible
10 years ago
Reply to  Murph the Surf

I think that’s pretty common. I was out on the log once when a rather large couple got separated from their jet ski. I gave them my board to hold onto, and started to swim to their ski. On the way I realized I made a mistake as there was a nice rip in the area, but foolishly swam on. I eventually got to the ski and saw the guy who ran the rental company swimming out (he took a bad angle trying to swim out to retrieve it- why he didn’t go check on the people is beyond me). We then hoisted this 300 pound woman (btw the life vest did help her much) onto the ski. I got back on my board paddled in, and made sure everyone was okay. Neither the couple or their friends thanked me, but I was offered a free jet ski rental. I have yet to take them up on the offer.


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