The smell of girls. Warm-water wax. Hooting interlopers into destruction…
I’ve got a ton of cleaning work ahead of me today. Visitors coming, gotta scrub the house top to bottom. Can’t let anyone see the squalor. Don’t like doing it, no sir, not one bit.
Makes me angry at my wife. How dare she leave my spearfishing stuff strewn about? Why can’t she convince me to stop tracking in ten pounds of sand each time I return from the beach? Laundry would be a hell of a lot easier if she’d stop leaving bits of wax in all my pockets.
I’m cranky, but I don’t want to be. And after this morning I don’t really feel like writing. But I gotta.
So let’s keep it light and breezy.
Women surfers always smell good: Is it conditioner? Lotion? Why does every surfer girl smell heavenly in the water?
I was at Costco a while back, smelled something heavenly. Sweet and delicious, wafting through the warehouse. Followed my nose to the back, found a giant pile of ripe pineapples. Had to buy two. Go home, chop ’em up. Ate until my mouth was shredded.
I love watching people learn to surf: It’s so amusing. Boards flying, spectacular carnage. I’ll often spend an easy hour sipping ice water from my magically insulated mug, enjoying the pain and hardship. I’m not laughing at them. Only with them, I swear. We’ve all been there, the entrance fee is stiff. Years of trying before you’re proficient. A lifetime of struggle to actually be good.
I will often hoot annoying interlopers into destruction, and that doesn’t come from a good place. But the best comedy has its roots in pain, right?
Wax down, fins forward: There’s only one right way to tie a board to your roof. Why does it seem like only a few people know that?
I don’t like tropical wax: Warm works better. Nice and sticky. Good grip, not too much. But the only shop in town only stocks Sticky Bumps Tropical. So frustrating. They’re got their own brand of wax, don’t know where it’s made. Stuff work great, best I’ve ever used. One dollar a bar! When’s the last time you got wax for a buck? I once let a friend borrow a board, he smeared that Fu Wax shit all over it. Terrible, terrible. Had to scrape it down and reapply. Which I hate doing, unless it’s a brand new ride. Then it’s a loving application, bordering on obsessive.
My car looks like shit: Wax covering the upholstery, stinking of mold because I never remember to roll up the windows. Finally put a spare tire in the thing. Waited ’til a flat left me stranded. But it’s a calculated move.
Who’s gonna bother pulling the smash and grab on a ride that looks like it belong to a homeless chronic? Worked well so far. Plenty of broken glass beachfront, my tattered ride’ still untouched.
Products, yes. Hair, skin, whathaveyou. We got lots of ’em. Smell very nice! You should try it sometime! You might even like it.
My local is very male heavy, but across the channel has all kinds of the opposite sex and yes they all smell good. 100%.
You’re the Nietzsche of surfing!
A bit forced perhaps, but nice recovery. Our souls are raised up by your keen observation and wit.
Let’s leave it in the cultural divide between Australia and America. We both have our flaws. But none of us would travel wax up. That’s a bloody pommie technique. I hope you’re not English cos I won’t know how to back pedal out of this one.
In England we strap them fins forward and wax up, right next to the boogie board and kayak.
Reminds me of that story of Parko and Fanno speeding along the busy highway beween Gold Coast and Brisbane and coming up behind a car with surfboards levitating about a foot above the rack.
Somehow the straps were holding on. Parko and Fanno were laughing like drains. And, it was kind of fascinating watching the boards going up and down as the speed varied.
What a laugh! What a doofus! But, the fun can’t go on forever and Parko and Fanno moved up to see if they could attract the attention of the driver.
It was Occy.
A good segway for my favourite Occy quote”One board, one wax job”
Shit Rory , I thought you might have mentioned the kiddies in the shorebreak , or does that come under ” smell of girls?”
Once again, Maurice, you may look like you live under a bridge but you’re a poor excuse for a troll.
That obsession with “kiddies in the shorebreak” is kinda disturbing…
ah chazzwick , do trolls use their first name?? haven’t you heard RP and I have a blood feud , and as RP has already admitted to pedo behavior , or was he just having fun??
In Australia fins forward on the roof is the calling card of a kook. If we’re getting technical, tying boards on your roof is a fucking kook move to begin with. Get a ute and stop being so mean to your wife mate. Australia says no to that shit.
HA!!! Couldn’t agree more…by the way, when did De Souza get a nose job? Is that why it sounds like he’s talking from his nasal during post heat interviews?
Haha I don’t know but “thanks god it wasn’t worse”.
http://www.thesurfchannel.c…
nice
I wish they sold utes in the US. You can’t even get a reasonable sized pickup anymore.
you sure you live in kauai?
Everything out here is huge. I just want a little four banger, not some four door monster truck.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Australian hero Stuart Appleby converted his M5 into a ute. It’s like Mikey Wrights hair do (or the opposite). I’m confusing myself. But imagine the damage you could do in this thing Rorza?
I should be a pro golfer.
Think an old station wagon I attacked with a sawzall would go as well?
If you’ve already done it…. yeah mate! It’s going to go bananas! I bought my girlfriend the STIHL TS 800 Cutquik® Cut-Off Saw for her birthday. She fucks shit up with it for fun. We had a tree house. She went to town on it. I said I’d buy her a new one but that’s life. Anyway she can barely lift the thing. It’s sketchy. The little sawzall recip probably does the job though!
or surf your boards short enough to fit inside, she says, as she slides her board into the front seat of her vintage vw
I’m fighting the urge to berate you about your vintage vee dub but…. but… but you get a pass Jen…… You can do no wrong in my eyes.
ha ha yeah it’s such a cliché. also slow as fuck. but it makes me laugh. and i’m like way too broke to buy a tacoma brah
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Hey whatever gets you there. Have you been running one of these to complete the image? They look pretty convenient for when you need to pop a squat.
Ha! No, ‘fraid not, sorry to disappoint. Men’s fullsuits all the way. Being cold is not that great really.
Haha all well not all of my dreams can come true today.
she says, as she has no friends to ride with her
Fins forward, less rocker, sits perfectly horizontal and therefore slices straight through the wind. Also the fins are there to get hung on the straps in case they slide for some reason, like you can’t tie a proper trucker’s knot after six tall boys, some whip-its and a couple xanax.
I’ve never experienced this phenomenon of straps loosening. It must be a Northern Hemisphere thing. Something to do with magnets.
You’ve never been to Oz Rory?
Fins forward is fine for short distance Island travel, but for long distance high speed highway work you better get those sleds facing the right way. Nose forwards. Single strap.
I will never understand the American fins forward….. if it was for aerodynamic purposes why the fuck would the boards go better in the water the other way around? I’ve never seen anyone shit cart boards wax up. I guess all the fucken kooks are in Hawaii.
No offense here, but the reason fins go first is because straps always loosen during long drives. The fins will act as a catch in case the boards slip backward. I’ve seen quite a few barneys lose their boards by strapping nose first.
None taken Billy Joe, thank you for your response. This is what BeachGrit is all about. Friends helping each other out. We don’t really use the term “barney” down here…. so I’m going to replace “barney” with “Morgan” if thats okay with you? So hypothetically…. What if Morgan is as shit at driving as he is at surfing and writing? What if Morgan rear ends a hot chick while updating a photo of himself eating a salad to Insta? If the board is fins first, the board will slide forward through the hot chicks back windscreen and maim her. Wouldn’t you prefer the board fly backwards and maybe take off Jed Smith’s boof head while he follows Morgan in his pink Caprice convertible?
I really wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt, I’m leaning toward the second option though – and the only reason being that I wouldn’t ever want to be seen driving with my boards nose first. Could this be a US/AUS board strap blood feud?
BJ, modern straps don’t loosen. When people used bits of rope back in the fucken 60s they loosened. Lets face it it is another hipster affectation.
nose foreward..basic aerodynamics
We need a aerodynamics expert here. Wouldn’t the boards be pushed up (vertical) during driving? The wind is going up the windshield and pushing the boards vertical. Fins forward or backward wouldn’t make a difference.
For a while I took a picture of every SUP I saw driving around Orange County wax/traction pad up. There were so many I eventually got bored with it and filled up my phone memory.
I guess if you have a SUP it doesn’t really matter whether you do the kook thing or not because you’re already a kook? They must love throwing traditions in the face of surfers.
My thoughts exactly.
I don’t know what America you are talking about here. On the mainland we go fins at the back. I guess the wsl is on to something when they separate hawaii from the U.S. This must be the main issue.
That’s interesting are you on the East or West? I don’t really recall which way people went in California. I was distracted by all the kooks with vintage VWs. I’ve only gone fins forward once and it was the Nicaraguan drivers fault. It felt dirty.
The most important aspect of this conversation is which way we put our nosils in the petrol hole.
That way we know we’re all getting screwed.
This is more like it, Rory. I hereby retract my “whiny bitch” comment, posted elsewhere. Bonus points for knowing the proper way to strap boards on the car.
I have just sat down after applauding this effort, boom ship has been righted and we can all get back to kicking the surf industry.
sex wax
This! Let’s talk about wax! I personally feel that sex wax is the only choice when it comes to waxing my board. All others are smeary shit that comes off and doesn’t create those nice grippy humps we all love. I did try fu wax when all the pros were freaking out about it, but again it’s sticky but comes off on everything and also has an annoying booger yellow tinge that makes my fresh new boards look like shit!
Sex Wax only. I switched around a bit a few years ago and realized that all others were trash. Surprisingly, the hippie organic wax wasn’t as bad as the rest.
There is absolutely no other option
That’s the way forward Rory – Light and Breezy. Its Autumn here, waters still warm and all the chicks surfing my way still have their wetsuits up their arse. The days are good!!
With you there Tommy boy,what is with the “wetsuit wedge” looks good but why ? Is it to get waves?
It looks good definitely, however the only waves they get is in my partial distraction . But don’t mind the paddle out behind though!!
I honestly don’t get it though because it cant be that comfortable nor functional!!
NOT COMFORTABLE.
Thought as much – then the question Jen is WHY???
It’s to let their little balloon knots play peekaboo.
You can smell chicks in the water? my nose is usually flooded with water and never get close enough to get a wiff..too busy trying to smash my boner into my board so i can go on the next wave