I'm back from the Middle East with a head screwed
on all wrong!
Reality veers sharply to the left, in Islamic
lands and I forgot how much I love that. It has been two weeks
since I’ve flipped open a computer or typed a word. Two weeks since
checking the surf or surf gossip or responding to emails. Two
glorious weeks.
I set off, if you recall, to free a boat from civil war
torn Yemen and sail her up the Red Sea with two of my best friends.
Thirteen years earlier, the three of us explored the coast of
Yemen, from one end to the other. I had been back multiple times
since, motorcycling one end to the other, driving a gorgeously beat
Land Rover one end to the other, driving a clunky Land Cruiser one
end to the other. These days, though, one cannot even fly one end
to the other. Planes veer sharply to the left, following the new
reality, upon leaving Oman and circle as far as they can off the
coast before jerking back to their proper heading over Africa.
Al-Qaeda, who have taken over the eastern half of the country, have
ground-to-air missiles apparently and have them aimed at passengers
in the skies.
The plane I was on, anyhow, landed first in Ethiopia and then
Djibouti, at the mouth of the Red Sea and the adventure began. I
had only a vague notion of Yemen’s civil war in full swing just 90
miles across the Bab al Mandab. I knew a tribe in the north had
taken the country’s inland capital, Sana’a, which invoked a wild
response from Saudi Arabia. They invaded and bombed with feckless
abandon. Like commercial aircraft, Saudi pilots fear the missile so
loose payloads very high in the sky. Much too high to accurately
target, thus thousands of women and children have been killed. In
the south, it is open revolt and Al-Qaeda owns the east.
And the water? It belongs to the Saudis too. They have used
their navy to stop arms, food, etc. from reaching the tribes,
Al-Qaeda, whomever. Did you know that the Saudi’s spend the third
most on their military in the entire world? The United States,
first, China, second, Saudi Arabia, third. 87 billion dollars a
year. Almost twice the per capita spending of the US, by far more
and away the most in the world. Completely and utterly crazy.
A version of garbage Islam that tells them because they are male
they are superior and because they are Saudi they are superior and
because they are rich they are loved by Allah. Little powdered
sugar pieces of shit. And these are the fools running the country
today.
Saudi is a total shit bag, in case you were wondering. A human
slough. When I used to spend my time in the region I remember
seeing Saudis and their goddamn boys and the boys were almost
always eating powdered sugar donuts. Powdered sugar dusted their
fat cheeks and their fat white man dresses and their black wedge
sandals and it would have been impossible to draw up a more
reprehensible human being. Those fat powdered sugar boys had
entitled sissy ass shit bred directly into their genes. A version
of garbage Islam that tells them because they are male they are
superior and because they are Saudi they are superior and because
they are rich they are loved by Allah. Little powdered sugar pieces
of shit. And these are the fools running the country today. These
are the powdered sugar dusted leaders spending 87 billion dollars a
year on dangerous toys. The Saudis don’t usually/never fight in
wars and so trillions of dollars worth of military plane, boat, gun
and bomb is being dropped on their poor, oil-less southern
neighbor.
The drop in global oil price, though, is straining the kingdom’s
financial flexibility and the ill-advised Yemen war against no true
enemy is burning resources. It is becoming what Vietnam became to
the U.S. What Afghanistan became to the U.S.S.R.
The country is also burdened by crippling unemployment because
the powdered sugar boys don’t want to work. They want to sit home
and get paid oil revenue simply for being Saudi.
But the leaders have a plan, one they released while I was
sweating in Djibouti’s unforgiving clime (Djibouti is the hottest
country on earth). The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia’s way forward,
called Vision 2030, is, in part, to build gun factories that will
employ its children. Brilliant.
Anyhow look at me, veering sharply to the left with this story,
into the economics and social realities of Saudi Arabia. A country
with no surf. I’ve become what a very small, dark Djiboutienne man
called, “a true Arab.” What he meant by that, I think, is a person
who blathers on and on and on both endlessly and pointlessly.
Tomorrow I’ll come correct and we shall talk pirates and running
naval blockades but today, thank you for having me back. I missed
you all.