Watch a board designed, shaped and glassed in
response to Facebook fan comments…
Earlier today, the noted shaper Hayden Cox designed
a board entirely from viewer feedback via his and the WSL’s
Facebook pages.
Crowdsourced, yes, one of those vulgar crowdfunded things that
either don’t happen or they don’t work? No.
I got a little confused on the dates, couldn’t find it on the
WSL site (Facebook live event only) and so I missed part one
whereupon thousands of WSL fans (averaging 4000 viewers during the
event) threw their opinion at Hayden.
I called him just after he’d wrapped (“I was real nervous a
couple of hours ago) and he says it wasn’t high-performance
shorties the gang was chasing nor fishes. The consensus was for
something in between.
Given the outright contractions of surfboard design and the
insane number of variables, the board ended up being a
five-foot-eight-inch twin-fin with a winged swallow tail, thirty
litres in volume, neither high nor low fidelity, not overly wide or
thick in the nose, but, then, straighter in the rocker for a fast,
stable platform.
Through the nose is a displacement hull or what
Hayden calls an “aggressive double concave. It penetrates the
water surface and feeds the water through the board. It softens
that slapping feeling you get on a flat bottom. Makes it forgiving
and smooth. Allows a little more volume up forward, too.”
Hayden is thrilled the world is watching him graft ideas onto
foam. “I’m passionate about shaping, I love design, and I love
technology. And the really cool thing about surfing is that there
are no formal boundaries. In most other sports there are boundaries
on equipment: baseball bats, golf clubs, Formula One cars. In
surfing, you can ride what you want and it’s up to you to interpret
that and surf a wave with excitement.”
Let’s examine!
Tomorrow the board is spat out of the shaping machine and
Hayden steps in to clean up the rough spots. The day after we
get the laminating process. Is the little twin going to get his
patented Futureflex-epoxy combo or something a little more
traditional?
Depends on you. Light up the comments.
Tune in here at eight am in Australia, three pm
on the West Coast US, real late in England.
And, in case y’asking, a Craig Anderson refined twin-fin is
going to become part of the Hayden Shapes lineup later in the
year.
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Hero: Man Attacks Pregnant Monk Seal!
By Rory Parker
What's not to love?
Does the well publicized beaching of a whale
corpse at Trestles this past week foreshadow a coming
apocalypse?
Are aquatic mammals re-evolving?
Will they learn to once again live on the land, usher in a new
era of terror?
Can we expect a dark future rife with oppression at the hands of
our cetacean overlords, their every whim enforced by an army of
jack booted pinnipeds?
At least one Kauai man believes so. Nineteen-year-old Shiloh
Akuna was arrested Thursday after footage of his heroic effort to
return a monk seal interloper to her watery realm surfaced on
social media.
The seal in question, a seventeen-year-old pregnant female, is
infamous in local waters. Given to lounging about all day on the
beach and slutting it up with all comers, her very presence is
indicative of Hawaii’s welfare queen mentality.
An all encompassing sense of entitlement that pervades our
entire endemic seal population, sure to lead to all out
interspecies warfare once the humpbacks return next year.
Currently facing up to five years in prison for his efforts on
our behalf, Akuna’s imprisonment is a miscarriage of justice on the
order of Eugene V Debs.
A true hero, a man willing to suffer for the greater good
despite whatever harsh treatment he may face.
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Parker: “I love being a man!”
By Rory Parker
Tall, strong. Got a great dick. Best dick ever,
really.
I try to live by the rule: it’s okay to look,
not leer.
I’m a virile male, skew pretty straight on the Kinsey scale. I
mean, I am a total degenerate, so if something flops into
my lap I’ll react on a case by case basis. Sure, there’s dicks out
there I’d suck. But I’m not trolling local restrooms looking for
’em.
But women… Lovely, soft skin, heavenly smelling women. Love ’em
all. Fat ones, skinny ones, short ones, tall ones. Especially the
tall ones. And the fat ones. And the other two. All of them,
really.
But I suspect I also hate them.
A little bit.
In that deep dark place where I hide my true self. It gets weird
in there. I try to be unrepentantly myself but there are a few
monsters that’ve gotta be kept under lock and key. I suspect we’re
all like that. Maybe I’m projecting. More than a few things I
thought were normal turned out, “No one else thinks that,
Rory!”
I only just recently realized it. Came about because
transphobia’s so hot right now. “Of course it’s okay. You don’t get
to choose who you are. And, anyway, who the fuck would want to be a
woman?”
The moment it came out of my mouth, uh oh.
That’s, like, maybe not a great thing to feel. But I love being
a man. Tall, strong. Got a great dick. Best dick ever, really.
Pretty damn good looking, though my ears are slightly off kilter
since my last surgery and no one else notices but I have just
enough vanity that it’s fucking killing me. Makes my sunglasses sit
slightly askew as well.
Given actual thought to cosmetic surgery. Wouldn’t be the first
time. A commenter made a crack about me and Christie Brinkley,
something about how she’d had cosmetic surgery and I hadn’t. Jokes
on him, I caught a fin to the face back in high school and used a
plastic surgeon to keep me pretty.
The point being, I think I might hate women a little bit. Which
I need to work on. But knowing’s half the battle.
However! I have nothing but admiration for athletes. I
understand the struggle, the effort, the total commitment it takes
to build your skill to the top level. There’s sacrifice and
hardship and doubt and it’s a never ending nightmare. To look at
the best in the world and say, “I can do better.” Fucking
amazing.
So it bothers me to see top-tier female athletes marketed almost
solely on their sexuality. Yeah, they’re gorgeous. But show me that
gorgeous woman doing something she’s worked her entire life to
achieve. Don’t just sell me a close up of her amazing ass. I might
like it, but I don’t appreciate it.
Of course, it’s her body. She can do what she wants with it.
Nothing wrong or shameful with taking pride in your form. But if
she’s not into it and is just going along because that’s how you
play the game? Then I’d like to see the rules change.
It’s something I’d really like to write about, that relationship
between our top females’ sexuality and their marketability. Are
they into it? Are they pressured? Is it all part of a plan?
But it’d be hard. Probably not good. Because I’m a guy and I
like being a guy and I think I might hate women a little bit and in
the end there’s just no way I can really relate.
So I’ve just gotta keep hoping some lady tackles the matter.
But you know what I can write about? An amazingly shot and
edited video featuring some of the sexiest damn women I’ve ever
seen. Are they being objectified? Absolutely! But they’re models,
it’s what they do. Literally what they signed up for. Male, female,
whatever. Nothing wrong here.
Very racy. Absolutely titillating. Made my day. Showed it to my
wife, asked, “Why don’t you look like this anymore?”
“Fuck you, Rory. You never looked that good.”
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Culture: Get to Know Rabbit Kekai!
By Derek Rielly
Rabbit Kekai is surfing's link to the Duke! He's
precious!
Surfing has history. And it’s a
good one. Long before the WSL and the ASP and half a century before
Kelly Slater, the surfing dream was…created… by Hawaiian
surfers of an imperial majesty.
Men like Duke Kahanamoku and men like Rabbit
Kekai, the beachboys of Waikiki. Surfers and swordsman of the
highest order. Took surfing to new levels and built the whole damn
myth kids from San Clemente to Sao Paulo still cling to.
Anyway, Rabbit is ninety-seven years old now and
lookin’ like hell in a hospital bed. Ageing ain’t pretty,
but…if I can get this close to a hundred and still be breathing
sweet air, I’ll take it.
I remember seeing Rab, in his late seventies at
the time, on my first few trips to Hawaii. Good looking, bit of a
stomach, but with the vibe of a man thirty years younger.
To me he always presented a beautiful example of a
life lived well. And he’s our connection to the Duke and to
the genesis of modern surfing.
Let’s learn a little about him before he skips
town.
Warshaw: Surfers rode straight for 2,000 years, then after
World War II, the story goes, a few hot young guys at Malibu began
turning, and that’s the start of performance surfing as we know it.
But if you actually talk to the Malibu guys—Matt Kivlin and Joe
Quigg are still alive—they say that the inspiration for the whole
deal came from sailing off to Waikiki one year, I think it was
1947, and getting an eyeful of Rabbit Kekai at Queens.
What was Rabbit doing that was so
different?
I don’t know how much actual turning was going on. Rabbit at
that point was still riding a hot curl, which means no fin. But he
was super quick on his feet, moved up and down the board a lot, and
yeah, he could change directions a bit. I remember Rabbit saying
that when he was a kid, he his pals would surf their way around
rocks on the inside, which was fun, and when they they moved out to
Queens they just kept turning their boards.
But no fin, huh?
No, but Rabbit’s boards were way smaller and thinner and
narrower than what Kivlin and his buddies were riding. Kivlin
borrowed Rabbit’s board—or Quigg borrowed it, I forget—and could
sink it to the bottom just by standing on the deck. So Rabbit could
change direction kind of the way a good surfer on an alaia can
change direction. The Malibu guys sailed back to Malibu and made
their boards smaller, and started copying Rabbit’s moves.
What else should we know about Rabbit?
The man’s a big-time talker, one of the best, the stories were
endless, but you never quite know if what he says is 100% true, or
maybe flavored a bit. But let’s see. He was a fast little fucker,
and ran a 10-second 100-yard-dash in high school. He did underwater
demo work during the war, and maybe blew up an enemy ship or two.
Was a part-time board thief as a teenager. Lose your board from way
out the back, and Rabbit would have that thing up on sawhorses,
reshaping it, sawdust flying, by the time you hit the beach. He’s
shrug and point. “Mighta drifted down that way!”
And he just kept surfing.
He was the best 60-year-old surfer in the world, then
the best 70-year-old, then the best 80-year old. Not sure when he
actually had to quit, but I’m sure it wasn’t by choice.
Kind of a dick-swinger too…
Last of the great Waikiki beachboys. Gave surf
lessons to movie stars Gary Cooper, David Niven, Gregory Peck, and
nobody went on record, but for the local boys running with the
Hollywood crew I’m pretty sure it was hot and cold running
pussy.
I’m interested in the line, hot and cold
running pussy. Do these old men ever reminisce about this aspect of
the golden age?
Among themselves, no doubt. Not to some
grinning haole reporter like me or you looking
for a story. But yeah, whatever else they did, surf lessons or tour
guide or whatnot, gigolo service was on the menu for sure.
…what a life it must’ve been for the beach
boys. I’m still thinking pussy…
Lotta alcoholism and a lot of busted marriages, but
yeah . . .
Seems like we’re losing all the great
ones.
They guys who made a decision to surf when surfing
wasn’t a career, or anything close to respectable—that’s a big
deal. That’s a hard decision. Surfing is so easy when your parents
and teachers do it, and it’s all
over People magazine, and John John’s making 3
mil a year or whatever. I love guys like Rabbit who had to do it by
hook or crook, when nobody gave a shit, and nobody was watching, or
if they were watching, they were
thinking, Get a job, you bum. We were only ever interesting,
surfers that is, when this was hard. Rabbit lived a great life, a
spectacular life, rode a million waves, loved a thousand women. But
he had to make a lot of up as I went, I’m guessing. It wasn’t a
free ride.
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Revealed: Reynolds’ Quik Contract!
By Rory Parker
Dane Reynolds will hate me for this. But I'm a fan
and I love this shit…
I’ve read so much speculation regarding top tier
contracts over the years. How much are they making? Hard
to say. Always kept secret. In the case of Dane, his contract made
that mandatory:
The athlete will keep secret and confidential all details of
this agreement and all knowledge of information relating to
Quiksilver, its Affiliates and Licensees, other than information
which at the time of receipt or subsequently has passed into the
public domain other than by fault of the athlete.
But Quik’s bankrupt, seeking to divest themselves of Reynolds’s
claim against them, and so submitted Dane’s contract as evidence.
Which makes it a matter of public record and that means we all get
to feast our eyes on the details.
The contract prior to 2006 is absent, but the rest is all there.
2006 to 2011, as well as the amendments made when he re-upped until
2017.
I can only assume Dane is going to hate me for this. Kinda
sucks, put myself on his radar, make him not like me. ‘Cuz just
like every surfer, I adore Mr Reynolds. Super uncomfortable since
he’s the surfer we all want to be. Dora without the thievery.
But I’m first and foremost a fan and I love this shit. So
here we go…
Additionally, Dane’s contract entitled him to a $100,000 signing
bonus, as well as 10,000 Quiksilver stock options, vested over a
three-year period.
Nice chunk of change going on here. Pretty lucrative incentives
(with the exception of that stock, obviously.) Unfortunately for
Dane’s wallet, things didn’t really pan out. He decided to quit the
tour in 2011, posted a letter on Marine Layer explaining why.
It’s no longer there, but our dear friends at The
Inertia saved it from extinction.
and so here i am. 26. officially off tour. wasted talent.
blown potential. refusing responsibility. ‘all he wants to do is
sit at home and play with crayons and ride fucked up boards.’ but
wait! but wait! that’s not true! don’t listen to chris mauro. he’s
a dinosaur. doesn’t get it. this may be the end as a wct contender,
but its also a new beginning. i feel like a baseball. the skins
been carefully pried off and there’s a thread and i’m gonna pull it
and i’m gonna end up a pile of string on the floor. but then maybe
i’ll be knit into something more useful, like a sweater. or perhaps
something beautiful, like a hand embroidered masterpiece of a deer
and two fawn drinking cold clear water out of a creek. but you
never know. i hope to achieve some sort of balance. yeah, i do like
riding fucked up boards, but i also like doing airs and taking some
aggression out on a cutback. and competings rad if you can stay
inspired, but rankings and trophy’s mean very little to me. i wanna
learn, i wanna make things, things of purpose, be productive.
travel. new experiences. new sensations. and most importantly
explore the outer limits of performance surfing. i’ll still
compete. but its not going to consume me.
Of course, even off tour, perhaps especially so, Dane was still
a huge draw. His 2011 renegotiation earned him a substantial pay
increase. Amendments to the contract included:
– A monthy salary of $291,666.67.
– A 3% royalty on net sales of products that “bear the name or
likeness of Athlete, or utilize the designs or artwork created and
owned solely by Athlete (the ‘Signature Products’).”
– “The term ‘Team Managers’ shall be deleted from the agreement
and be replaced in all instances with ‘Quiksilver Liasons.’” (I’m
sure there’s a story behind that one.)
– “Athlete may also wear and use ‘Summer Teeth’ brand clothing
and accessories as reasonably approved by sponsor, but only for so
long as Sponsor or one of its Affiliates is the exclusive licensee
and manufacturer of the ‘Summer Teeth” brand.”
– Marine Layer Productions became the sole producer of all of
Reynolds’s video shoots, so long as “all fees and expenses are
pre-approved in writing by Sponsor in its reasonable discretion and
are comparable to the fees and expenses that would be charged by
similarly situated production companies.”
-Reimbursement for expenses during travel to any promotional
activity or competition. The 2006-2011 contract left Dane to
pay.
– “For so long as the Sponsor has the ‘Young Guns House’ in
Pupukea, HI, Athlete may stay in the house during the months of
November and December of each year during the Term, provided
Athlete gives Sponsor reasonable notice of his intent to stay at
the house.”
– Reimbursement of up to $72,000 per year to pay for the lease
and insurance costs of a “house, apartment, warehouse space or
other property.”
-Custom fitted black wetsuits made from Japanese rubber
There’s more to it, including Dane’s responsibilities regarding
promotional activity, behavior, etc. But it’s all kind of boring
legalese.
For those of you who are interested, here is Quik’s response to
the claim in full.