Mike Lucas has been doing an admirable job
documenting SoCal swells in the last year or so. Good stuff. Plenty
of Wedge footage, snagged all that Seal Beach carnage a few months
back. Puts together some clean little edits.
I’ve never been able to fathom the appeal of taking pictures of
surfing. Moving or otherwise. Sitting on the beach all day,
watching other people have fun. It’s crazy!
Not knocking it. They’re doing god’s work. Definitely ain’t for
me.
My favorite thing about him is that he dumps his raw stuff on
the web. The header clip is nice, but I really love the 18 minutes
of unculled video he shot that day.
Really does a better job of capturing the vibe. Shit show
collisions, hoot and hollers, the roar of the surf. The filmer
chuckling when people eat shit. Puts you in the moment. Gets you
there.
That’s the goal, right?
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Can anyone get enough of Mason Ho?
By Rory Parker
The latest instalment of License to Chill, Island
Oscillation…
More Mason Ho?
Yes, please!
Can anyone get enough of the kid?
Creative approach, barrel slayer. As much as I love seeing him
in heats I really prefer his edits.
So surf stoked, plays the happy card real well. Nothing but
butterflies and rainbows going on upstairs. I’m sure he’s deeper
than that, but the public persona is great. Like a big loveable
labrador retriever.
What’s the name of that NS hell wave he loves so much? Right
between Logs and Rockpiles. So fucking shallow. I’d call it
unsurfable if I hadn’t seen so many killer clips.
Random fact: I went to elementary school with
...Lost filmer Joe Alani. He was in my younger brother
Cody’s class.
Other random fact: Rory Pringle’s first name is
short for Riordan. Mine isn’t. Just plain ol’ Rory.
Johnny Boy Gomes once threatened to kill me. He was working as a
private surf guide for some Japanese tourist and the longboard he
middle-manned for his client was taking too long. When he came back
a few days later he picked up the freshly polished board and
accidentally smashed the nose into an overhead pipe. Then demanded
we fix it for free.
I don’t really miss Oahu.
Kauai’s better in nearly every way. But you just can’t beat the
awesome reality of living on the Seven Mile Miracle when there’s
swell in the water.
We are almost to the halfway mark of the Men’s
Samsung Galaxy Championship Tour brought to you by Jeep 2016 and
how is your fantasy team faring? Are you riding a wave of
unprecedented success that buoys each day or is your collection of
professional surfers dragging you to the ocean’s floor like a
millstone?
This is the first year I’ve actually participated and let me
tell say, I thought I was learning the game. I started poorly at
Snapper but had found my footing by Margies. I thought, “Yeah. I
know these surfers. I know their foibles and their peculiarities.
Time for Charles David Smith to put the pedal to the metal.”
But Rio absolutely smashed me. Destroyed not only my
standing but my confidence. I had done what I thought you were
supposed to do, pepper the lineup with a few extra Brazilians. They
all lost. Everyone lost but Jack Freestone and John John Florence
neither who were on my team.
I did so poorly, in fact, that I am throwing some of the blame
upon the World Surf League. I know their motto is “You Can’t Script
This.” But, really, Brazil seems like such an outlier, such a total
crapshoot, that, in fairness, it is time to take it off of the
schedule.
If you are a baseball fan you’ll recall when the Colorado
Rockies entered Major League Baseball. The team built its park in
Denver, a mile above sea level, and do you know what happened to
the ball there? It flew! It flew through that thin air producing
home run after home run after home run. A strange anomaly that was
enjoyable at first but then tainted the game with weirdly inflated
stats and bizarre games.
MLB has tried to fix it by making the outfield bigger etc. and
it has worked, somewhat, but it would be better for everyone if the
Colorado Rockies just went away.
Like Rio. It is out outlier. A strange burp that surfers don’t
want to participate in and fans don’t want to watch. Its results
aren’t reflective of the rest of the season and even though the WSL
preaches unpredictability and chaos theory etc. etc. it is time to
admit the mistake and relegate that event back to the Men’s Kyocera
DuraForce GoPhone Qualifying Series brought to you by Peter Tosh’s
used Kia Superstore: Kingston, Jamaica.
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Parker: Wakeboarding with river trash!
By Rory Parker
Teen single moms pounding warm booze and
fist-fighting their own silicon-tit moms!
Wakesurfing looks real fun. But I’ve never
tried it. Always lived near the coast. No point in dropping gas
money to ride a tiny, if perfect, wave on some disgusting
freshwater body.
Used to be a passably decent wakeboarder. That’s fun too.
Stopped going when I hit the age people began expecting me to kick
in on the aforementioned gas up. Too tough on the knees anyway.
Last time I went was a little over a decade ago. Ran into a
buddy who’d just finished fireman school, immediately rushed out
and financed a really nice boat. He was headed to the river, I
could come along.
Why not? I spent a lot of time during my little boy Summers
running around a Colorado River resort where my grandparents own a
vacation home. One of those really nice double wide trailer deals.
Full on garbage luxury. Many fond memories of stealing beers and
fumbling a few knuckles into my fellow unattended teens once the
sun went down and the adults were stumbling around
semi-conscious.
It was a classy affair. Mainly moneyed SoCal heads who wanted a
cheaply maintained weekend getaway. Kind of figured that was the
average reality.
River trash are crazy people. Sun scorched nineteen-year-old
single moms pounding warm booze then fist fighting their own
be-thonged silicone tit mothers. Redneck goons chugging cheap beer
and hauling ass through crowded waters. Jet skis smashing into
everything. Absolutely fucking terrifying.
Headed into Needles, Arizona on a holiday weekend towing a brand
new boat, realized I was dead wrong. River trash are crazy people.
Sun-scorched nineteen-year-old single moms pounding warm booze then
fist fighting their own be-thonged silicone tit mothers. Redneck
goons chugging cheap beer and hauling ass through crowded waters.
Jet skis smashing into everything. Absolutely fucking
terrifying.
Homeboy thought his new boat would be a real pussy magnet. Which
it was. All the gravel-voiced young ladies with premature crow’s
feet and bad dye jobs wanted in. Not my scene. I’ve always liked
’em trashy, but you’ve gotta draw a line somewhere.
Three days of white knuckle terror. Captain always hammered.
Convinced we were gonna bash into a levy at any moment. Saw a ton
of tits, but nothing to write home about. Abandoned a guy at the
second worst strip club I’ve ever been to because he was convinced
one of the sex workers was into him.
Three days of white knuckle terror. Captain always hammered.
Convinced we were gonna bash into a levy at any moment. Saw a ton
of tits, but nothing to write home about. Abandoned a guy at the
second worst strip club I’ve ever been to because he was convinced
one of the sex workers was into him.
Might’ve been true, if he’d had a ton of blow. Which he did
not.
Don’t know how he got back to our place. He didn’t remember
either.
One of those trips that was miserable at the time, but is pretty
funny in retrospect. Swore I’d never go again. Starting to
reevaluate that oath.
Video of gorgeous jiggle tits sliding behind a boat helps. And I
suspect that all those ladies who looked so nasty in my twenties
might look quite a bit better now that I’m creeping toward middle
age.
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How to: Survive a Two-Wave Hold-down!
By Derek Rielly
Too late for Aaron Gold, but not for you…
Yesterday, I paid $175 for a four-hour Breath
Enhancement course with Mick Fanning’s trainer Nam
Baldwin. I’d read and heard plenty about the breath-holding game,
written about it few times, even, and wanted to crawl into the
darkness of oxygen deprivation.
Specifically, I wanted to hit a point where the oxygenated blood
is released from the spleen… euphoria!… and I
wanted to learn how to activate the mammalian dive reflex, that
dramatic decrease in heart rate and the peripheral vasoconstriction
that pulls the oxygen from the limbs and to the vital organs.
Nam Baldwin can hold his breath for seven minutes.
Outside magazine’s James Nestor tells a wonderful
anecdote of the first time the dive reflex was proven.
“In 1949, a stocky Italian air force lieutenant named
Raimondo Bucher decided to try a potentially deadly stunt off the
coast of Capri, Italy. Bucher would sail out to the center of the
lake, take a breath and hold it, and free-dive down one
hundred feet to the bottom. Waiting there would be a man in a
diving suit. Bucher would hand the diver a package, then kick back
up to the surface. If he completed the dive, he’d win a
fifty-thousand-lira bet; if he didn’t, he would drown.
Scientists warned Bucher that, according to Boyle’s law, the
dive would kill him. Formulated in the 1660s by the Anglo-Irish
physicist Robert Boyle, this equation predicted the behavior of
gases at various pressures, and it indicated that the pressure at a
hundred feet would shrink Bucher’s lungs to the point of collapse.
He dove anyway, delivered the package, and returned to the surface
smiling, with his lungs perfectly intact. He won the bet, but more
important, he proved all the experts wrong. Boyle’s law, which
science had taken as gospel for three centuries, appeared to fall
apart underwater.”
Oowee, who wouldn’t want a piece?
And, today, after the big-waver Aaron Gold had to be
resuscitated after a two-wave hold-down?
How would your or I be able to deal with the sorta waves
that make you involuntarily suck in your gut, that lock your throat
with panic?
I was among 12 students, ten studs, two gals, who all wanted to
get better at choking off their oxygen supply. A couple admitted to
being a little terrified at even being there. Others wetted their
lips in anticipation. Most were a week or so away from boat
charters in Indonesia.
Nam, who is 43 years old with a vee-shaped torso and calf
muscles that form perfect ovals, begins the course with a classroom
physiology lesson.
That instant, panicked gulp of air? It ain’t no good.
If you want to really inflate your lungs, you’ve gotta breath
from the diaphragm upwards. We do a bunch of exercises so we get
used to the idea of sipping air through a straw. Of expelling air
like a whale.
Psssshhtaaaaw!
A yoga teacher interjects and describes the feeling of sucking
in air as our life force.
“Ah, it’s the oxygen in our lungs,” he says, pointing out to the
anatomy diagram on the screen, although he quickly, and
diplomatically, soothes her disappointment when he tells her oxygen
is, indeed, “chi, life force” and holds his hands in a prayer
position.
Soon, we’re in a 25-metre pool, practising breath holds with
drills. Three in-breaths, then five metres underwater, ten
freestyle, five underwater, back, and repeat every forty five
seconds.
Harder than it sounds on paper.
Then, the Caught-Inside-at-Ten-Foot-Sunset drill.
Five metres underwater, ten freestyle, ten underwater, ten
freestyle, ten underwater.
Repeat. Four times. I did one and a half.
Get good and you should be be able to nail 12.
In other words, train yourself to be able to deal with being
caught inside by the longest, biggest set, you’d ever face on
earth.
Later, we activate our mammalian dive reflex with a series of
slow breathing exercises and floating face down in the pool.
Euphoria?
How about being hypnotised by the dancing waves of light hitting
the bottom of the pool. Becoming miniaturised and slowly climbing
over each link of the bracelet of the diver next to me. Studying
every detail in the grooves of the pool titles.
And surviving two-wave hold-downs?
Don’t breathe as soon as you hit the surface. What if a wave is
there and your mouth is open? Thing is, you’ve got more oxygen than
you think in your body. It’s the build-up of carbon dioxide that
makes you want to breathe.
Come up, look, if it’s clear, breathe out like a whale,
inhale.
We practise wipeouts with a drill that is eight seconds being
tumbled, three seconds with a foot pushing you onto the pool floor
then your leash being pulled taut. You have to release the leash,
then swim five metres underwater.
Fun, yeah, surprisingly fun.
Mick Fanning’s gotten so good at the game he trains in a
five-metre deep pool, simulating wipeouts by wrestling with Nam
underwater.