Watch the clip! Those boards! The scariest!
The American cable channel TNT premiers its new show Animal Kingdom this week. Deadline calls it “Gritty but gratuitous.” Entertainment Weekly declares it is a “…surfing Sons of Anarchy.”
It follows the fortunes of a southern California crime family who surfs, drugs, etc. BeachGrit‘s Australian friends will, of course, recognize that it is an adaptation of the film with the same name that followed Melbourne’s famous Pettingill family. They did not surf, if I recall. And why would they? Bells? Burrrrrrrr!
In any case, the darker side of surf is all the rage. The Lunada Bay “Boys” and their “surf fort” strike fear into the hearts of the public. Etc.
Complex Magazine even wrote a piece about the phenomenon this morning. Let’s look!
Surfers have largely eschewed the seedy reputation that’s stuck to their land-bound alterna-sport brethren. Skateboarders hang out behind the grocery store. Dirt bikers lurk around the woods. Surfers wake up early to go to the beach; even the most wholesome mom can get behind a lifestyle like that. At worst, surfers are sometimes seen as aloof Spicoli-types, perhaps a bit too laid back for their own good.
Alas, even the sunniest beach gets a dark cloud every once in a while. Menacing “surf gangs” have long played a supporting role in surf culture. Often just a close group of friends, these groups band together to enforce the infamous “locals only” policy on their favorite break. Generally, these groups are harmless, and their enforcement methods are limited to sending bad vibes your way, with perhaps a rare verbal threat. Sometimes, though, the locals take things a bit too far, and that’s when the police come in.
Surf gangs might be intimidating, but don’t let this information keep you from heading out into the waves. Compared with the very real risks of drowning and spinal injuries, surf gangs are harmless. Even sharks—a statistic often compared to being struck by lightning or winning the lottery—are infinitely more threatening than your fellow humans. In the ocean, the real danger always comes from nature. That said, you should still probably think twice before cutting off a local.
Hmmmmmmm.
Wait…what did that say? I was too busy studying the 12 foot thrusters in this Animal Kingdom clip.
Whoa!
Maurice Cole? Matt Biolos? Is this the future? 12 foot thrusters?
Should 10-Point Rides Be Abolished?
Has the "perfect ride" outlived its usefulness? Does gymnastics offer a solution?
Does the scoring of rides at a WSL event sometime leave you feeling a little odd? Cold? Confused? Maybe wrung with despair?
I remember, once, spending a day in the judging tower at a WSL event and not being able to get close to the numbers being punched into the little blue machines that look like they were made by IBM in 1978. My threes were their fives; my sevens were fives. When I hyper-ventilated over two Toledo airs and yawned at three safety turns by Brett Simpson, the judges gave ’em identical scores.
It wasn’t until the fundamentals were explained to me: judge for the conditions and all that matters is that you’re consistent in the heat, that I got it.
And, so, a ten-point ride, the theoretically perfectly ridden wave, can happen in two-foot surf, as it can at 10-foot Fiji.
Doesn’t that irritate you?
Don’t it make you want to get rid of the 10-point scale for something that reflects the…difficulty… of a wave, of a move?
That a 10-foot Cloudbreak barrel will always…always… score higher than a full-roter in two-foot beachbreak? That a Julian Wilson or Kelly Slater turn, more earth shifted, more ground shaken than a bottom-rung guy, will always score higher.
Difficulty!
There’s a precedent.
Gymnastics were all about the perfect 10-pointer, a mix of artistry and athleticism, but then in 2006 they tweaked the game for a system that rewarded difficulty over everything.
Ten pointers? Gone!
Was there a consensus? Not exactly.
“It’s crazy, terrible, the stupidest thing that ever happened to the sport of gymnastics,” the gymnastics supercoach Bela Karolyi told the New York Times. “How could they take away this beautiful, this most perfect thing from us, the one thing that separated our sport from the others?”
Reeves Wiedeman in The New Yorker explains:
“By the turn of the century the limitations of the ten-point scale had begun to stunt the sport’s growth. To score well, a gymnast simply had to meet a minimum level of difficulty and not screw up. Gold medals were being given to safe routines that limited mistakes, while gymnasts who pushed the sport’s boundaries received no reward… The new system, laid out in the Code of Points, is an open-ended one, in which gymnasts are given two marks: one for execution, worth up to ten points, and another for difficulty, which is theoretically infinite.”
Change gymnast to surfer and you start to feel it, right?
Should there be two scores, each from its own panel of judges, given to a ride?
The first, say, is the usual, best moves in the most critical part of the wave, combos, speed and flow etc. The second, is a score given to the technical difficulty of the moves, of the wave.
Overly complex? Or beautiful in its transparency and bias towards the best in the game?
Parker: “Porn stars and oiled wrasslin’!”
Flat-day fun at the Fiji Pro!
Another lay day for the Fiji Pro. Swell forecast ain’t looking hot. A day of big open barrels is looking unlikely. Expect to see it wrapped up in the teensy weensy stuff.
Poor WSL. So unlucky. Can’t they catch a break?
Posting flat surf shenanigans. Mundane stuff. White boy basketball. Ping pong. Hook and line boredom.
It may be hard to imagine if you’ve spent your life in some coastal suburb nightmare, but after a while every white sand beach looks the same. Definitely does to me. Sunsets, palm trees, azure seas. Yawn.
Gotta be hell for the guys stuck out there. I’d be bored stiff. It may be hard to imagine if you’ve spent your life in some coastal suburb nightmare, but after a while every white sand beach looks the same. Definitely does to me. Sunsets, palm trees, azure seas. Yawn.
Missing a great opportunity for some reality TV hi-jinks. Oil ’em up, set ’em to wrasslin’. Big draw, that. Been looking online for a porn star that surfs. For a project. Difficult thing to search. Lots of hits, none of them useful. For what I have in mind. Totally useful if you’re lookin’ for a thrill.
So the market’s there, obviously. Possible injuries could be a problem. You know some of the boys’d go long and hard. Maybe dial it back. Live stream a light round of grab-ass.
In looking for porn stars who surf I ended up on Anastasia Ashley. Which is unfair. She doesn’t do porn. Just glories in her body, earns a buck doing so. I’m fine with it. Not that anyone asked my opinion.
Did you know she’s got some sort of sponsorship going with Totino’s? The company that makes those little microwave pizza pockets.
Weird. Not that she’s promoting them. That’s her job. She travels and looks good and helps move product. Which I’m sure is way fucking harder than it sounds. Probably not a lot of fun a lot of the time.
But Totino’s are gross. They sound tasty when you’re really high, but the reality is terrible. Mushy lava nuggets.
I don’t expect a model to only work for companies she loves. You wouldn’t get much work that way. I do have a problem with writers who play the shill game. We use words to convince people. Standing next to a product don’t make you a liar, telling lies to sell it does.
Guys pumping that damn shark leash are the worst offenders at the moment. I’m not too good to drum up bullshit copy for money, but I ain’t about to put my name on it. Pay us enough I’d happily toss some propaganda up on here. But the byline would sure as hell read “by BeachGrit.”
Speaking of selling stupid shit for money, Donavon Frankenreiter apparently opened a high end boutique on his property up north.
Gonna need to take a ride up there in the near future. Take a look at the type of person who drops $400 on a board sock. Check out the $300 dream catchers. Maybe pick up a $600 bean bag. They sell Outerknown too!
How is he so wealthy?
It can’t be from his music? Please tell me it’s not from his music.
Blood Feud: Kelly Slater vs Chris Cote!
This one will end badly unless Kelly Slater pays up!
Say what you will, but TransWorld Surf (RIP) under the benevolent dictatorship of Chris Cote was the high water mark of the surf industry. Its PG-13 antics crackled with juvenile charm! Its bright colors and razor sharp broisms showed that anyone, literally ANYONE, could ride the wave to surf fame and fortune!
Do you remember the TransWorld film Tomorrow Today? Of course you do. It featured Clay Marzo, Dane Reynolds, Bob Martinez and Mike Losness.
Do you know who else remembers it? Kelly Slater!
Our 16 time World Champ has decided to use Tomorrow Today as his OuterKnown marketing campaign. Do you know who he has decided not to pay for the honor?
Chris Cote!
Chris was in Australia, of course, calling Cape Fear and is now in Brazil calling a skate event but would say…
“Kelly! Kelly Slater! I’m coming for you, Brozo the Clown!”
…if I called him.
What do you think Kelly should give to Chris? $8.50? His spot on the WSL World Tour? Eight cans of Purps and one OK Beanie? Two and a half barrels in the wave pool?
What?
Rumor: Red Bull to launch Rebel Tour!
To include everything we've always wanted!
We have now had days to digest Red Bull’s Cape Fear (aka Savages of the East) event and what do you think, removed from its adrenalized rush? Did you hang on every meaty wipeout? Did you thrill at the finish? Would you go and surf Cape Solander if you could?
But let’s talk about the quality of the production, very quickly. It was good, no? The cameras, angles, etc. were very much better than a typical World Surf League event no matter how you felt about the surfing (Matt Warshaw brilliantly says he doesn’t like surfers turned into cannon fodder). The highlights packages that have come out very much better too.
Of course it is really not fair to compare the two. The WSL has many events in many countries with many more moving parts. Red Bull had all year to prepare for one day which accidentally turned into two.
Still. Almost everything about Cape Fear was better, production-wise.
So what if Red Bull launched the rebel tour we’ve all been waiting for?
Let me be clear, the source of this rumor is me! I am starting it with the hopes that it actually becomes true because just think…
It could start small, six stops maybe and would include only enough surfers to finish in one swell. A two day event! It would be based upon actual swells too, not arbitrary windows, and would not include Rio!
Every part of it could be voted on, from the stops to the surfers. Or not! Red Bull could choose. Or maybe BeachGrit! Not The Inertia. They wouldn’t even be allowed to cover it upon threat of massive lawsuit/death.
Wouldn’t you like to see Dane Reynolds vs. Craig Anderson? Neco Padaratz vs. Occy? Zoltan Torkos vs. Rob Machado? Laird Hamilton vs. Nick Carroll?
Oh, it’d be a gambler’s dream and very fun.
Albee Layer pointed out the exclusivity contract the WSL makes surfers sign. They are not allowed to surf in unsanctioned contests but all it takes for that to break is a few crossover stars. Or a bigger prize purse.
In any case, the energy drink company needs lots and lots of content to fill new channels. What could be better than a whole year’s worth of surf competition? American Idol meets Death in the Afternoon!
So what do you think?
Yes?
Red Bull Cape Fear 2016 – Action Clip Event Highlights from World of Freesports on Vimeo.